Hofferson's Kitchen Flightmares: The Road To RBC (Prequel)
by MysteryWriter2187
Summary: Having narrowly survived their misadventures with Ruffnut's Baking Company, Hiccup and Astrid think about how they got to where they are now. Hiccup recalls how he became the Thorstons' long suffering accountant, witnessing the origins of the dreaded restaurant and the lives and relationships that were affected by it. Learn how it all began in The Road To RBC. Rated T for language.
1. Present Day

**AN: So, I know I said I wasn't planning on continuing this story, but after re-reading _Flightmares: RBC_ myself and seeing all the possible fillings and backstories I could write I just couldn't resist. This first chapter is set a few days after Hiccup and Astrid appeared on _Spitelout's Morning Of Spite_ at the end of the story, but the rest of this will be a prequel that builds up to where the characters were at the start of it. I hope you guys like what I have to offer.**

 **Unfortunately, I can't really give a strict schedule for updates, unlike my weekly updates for _Astrid's Problem_. So I'm just going to have to play it by ear. Anyway...**

* * *

 _"Well... Hiccup, um... do... ugh... do you remember that dream you told me about?"_

* * *

 _ **The Late Show With Thuggory The Meathead - BBS (Berk Broadcasting System)**_

 ** _"Hey, everybody! Welcome back! Folks, my first guest tonight is an acclaimed chef and activist known for her work in the Emmy-nominated shows Helheim's Kitchen and Kitchen Flightmares. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Astrid Hofferson!"_**

Astrid walked onto the studio as a montage of her many outbursts on her shows was shown on the screen in the background, the audience both laughing at the footage and cheering for her as she sat down on the couch and waved surprisingly shyly at them.

 _ **"So welcome back to the show, Astrid. Great to see you as always..."**_

 _"Yeah, Thug. It's great to be back... it really is..."_ Astrid laughed a bit as she crossed her legs with her hands resting on her kneecap.

 _ **"Y'know, Astrid, you're one of my most frequent guests. I think this is like the fourth time you've been on the show in just two years... thank you very much..."**_

 _"Yeah... yeah, thank you for having me... it's always a pleasure being on the show..."_

 _ **"So, for the sake of the people watching, Astrid, I'm just gonna cut to the chase... after those two adventures with Ruffnut's Baking Company in the past year, you and your fiancé basically broke the internet again because you made a big announcement on Morning Of Spite last Thursday..."**_

 _"Ha ha... I did, yeah, I did... we are expecting our first child..."_ Astrid had a wide grin on her face as she looked back at the loudly cheering crowd.

After the crowd died down slightly, Thuggory said _**"yeah, it's great, it's fantastic. I really can't tell you how happy I am for you guys... so how are you feeling about it?"**_

 _"Uh, we're great... yeah, we're both absolutely ecstatic. I mean, Hiccup nearly fainted, but... ha ha..."_ Astrid wiped her eye a bit at the thought of Hiccup's initial reaction to her news, before saying _"but he's just over the moon right now, we both are... though obviously, ha ha... since I'm not gonna be able to have a whiskey to calm myself down, I've decided it's best not to do my shows for the next year... and I'm gonna have to do a totally sober New Year's too..."_

Thuggory and the audience erupted into laughter as she said this, since Astrid tended to joke about her drinking habits whenever she was on this show. Thuggory calmed down enough to say _**"so I take that means you're not gonna be hitting the clubs or anything like that either..."**_

 _"Oh, yeah... gods, no... I'm not gonna be hitting the clubs, Hel, I've not gone to a club in about three years, but... ha ha... oh, but Hiccup, my dear husband-to-be... yeah, he built me a club a few nights ago in our apartment... just for the two of us... but he basically just used a bunch of old Snoggletog lights and a fog machine... oh, gods, and that big, stupid music player he owns... ha ha... yeah, it terrified Toothless, but again, I was stone-cold sober... so it just felt like I was at a Junior High party... yeah, but it was great... it really was..."_

 _ **"Ha ha... oh, man... I gotta be honest with you, that's... that's commitment right there..."**_ Thuggory laughed. _**"My wife's probably watching this right now, and when I get home she's gonna be all like...** oh, why didn't you do that for me when I was pregnant... **ha ha... so, that's just my two cents... you gotta stick with that guy, Astrid..."**_

 _"Hm... I fully intend to..."_ Astrid said in a calmer, warmer tone, smiling silently as the audience all said _**"Aw..."**_

* * *

 **The Apartment - 11:38pm**

 ** _"Babe... I'm home!"_** Astrid called as she came through the front door. She chuckled as she felt Toothless already darting over to her and latching playfully onto her leg, picking up the small, black feline and saying _"hey, you... you been behaving good today?"_

She hugged the cat tightly as she came into the living room, hearing the bedroom door open as a familiar nasally voice said _"uh... hey, Astrid..."_

Astrid smugly grinned as she turned around to grab Hiccup's shirt and drag his lips towards hers. When she finally separated from him a minute later, it was clear that the kiss had put him slightly more at ease than he was, but it was clear there was still something wrong. "Babe? Hiccup, what's up?"

"Well... it's not really a _problem_..." Hiccup laughed a bit as he scratched the back of his head. "But... turns out Ruff's been making headlines again..."

 _"Oh, for gods' sake..."_

* * *

 _ **ENTERTAINMENT NEWS TONIGHT: Disgraced Former RBC Owner Lashes Out On Social Media!**_

Six months after her violent outburst and humiliating court case, the now-infamous Thorston twins have once again made themselves the centre of negative attention after Miss Thorston partook in a heated meltdown on _Berk's Grapevine_ today, with particularly hurtful digs made at celebrity chef Astrid Hofferson. The language and references made in the messages released have been deemed inappropriate for our website, with the exception of the final message of the night made by the Thorston twins after being called out for their behaviour.

 **Ruffnut/RBC:** _Obviously our BG account, YELP, Terror Mail and Website have been hacked. We are working with the local authorities as well as the FBI computer crimes unit to ensure this does not happen again. We did not post those horrible things. Thank You. Ruffnut & Tuffnut._

 _Entertainment News Tonight_ have attempted to make contact with the Thorston twins, who could not be reached for comment.

* * *

Hiccup and Astrid were both groaning as they sat back on their bed in their pyjamas while reading the report on Hiccup's laptop. He closed the laptop and scratched his beard with a groan, taking off his glasses and saying "well, she's not changed a bit, that's for sure..."

"Ugh... I am _so_ glad she's not our problem anymore..." Astrid sighed as she wrapped her arms around Hiccup's waist and closed her eyes. Hiccup nodded silently, before saying "Astrid, I... _ugh..._ I was stupid trying to make her your problem to begin with..."

 _"Hey, we talked about this!"_ Astrid was suddenly more stern as she took the closed laptop out of Hiccup's hands and sat on his lap. She cupped his face affectionately and said _"Hiccup, what happened to RBC wasn't your fault... what they did to you, Heather and Cami was totally unacceptable... you deserved better, and now you've got better."_

Hiccup sighed with a smile at her, saying "so... you think I've thanked enough Gods for the day I met you?"

She chuckled back, before kissing his lips lightly and saying "well, I'm sure I've thanked _twice as many_ for letting me meet you..."

They were both laughing again as Astrid returned to cuddling Hiccup while they lay back on the bed, with Toothless joining them as he sat between them. Hiccup smiled at his _fiancé_ and their cat, nearly feeling a tear of joy run down his face at the thought of the family he was becoming a part of.

 _"So..."_ Astrid asked as she looked up at him. _"It ever occur to you when you called Gustav that day that we were gonna end up here two years later?"_

"Hm... well..." Hiccup shrugged in response as he began to think back to how this all began. "I guess it _was_ a pretty unexpected chain of events..."


	2. Stoick's Ship

**Four and-a-half years earlier...**

 ** _In our own local news, today will be the funeral of Stoick Haddock, founder and owner of the beloved restaurant and deli, Stoick's Place, who passed away at the age of 50 last Wednesday... it will be a quiet ceremony attended by friends and immediate family members who have worked at the restaurant since it's opening twenty-five years ago._**

* * *

 _"Hiccup... welcome home, dear..."_ Valka said quietly as she saw her son enter the empty restaurant. He sighed as she hugged him tightly, while he looked at the large sign above the counter: _Stoick's Place_.

"How are you feeling, Mom?" he asked in a gently solemn tone, Valka wiping her eye before any tears came down so she could say _"oh, I'm... I'm fine... just, um... just keeping myself together... best we can do, I suppose..."_

"Yeah..." Hiccup sighed. He looked at the small dinghy that was sitting on the dock, chuckling weakly as he said "this is how Dad wanted to go out, wasn't it?"

 _"Aye... just like our ancestors, son... Vikings, through and through..."_

"Look, I'm sorry I wasn't around when he was sick, Mom... I just..."

 _"That's enough, now..."_ Valka interrupted in a stern yet caring tone. _"Your father never would have wanted himself getting in the way of your education... when you told him you were going to major in accounting, he'd never been more proud of you, Hiccup..."_

"Well... I just wish he was around for me to tell him I got it..."

* * *

Hiccup was standing silently on the river bank, watching as Valka and Gobber pushed the small dinghy out and let it float across the lake. He tried to stand tall without breaking down in front of Stoick's friends from the restaurant, while Gobber began his eulogy as everyone readied their arrows.

 _"May the Valkyries welcome you, and lead you through Odin's great battlefield... may they sing your name with love and fury, so that we might hear it rise from the depths of Valhalla, and know that you've taken your rightful place, at the table of kings... for a great man has fallen... a warrior, a leader, a father... a friend..."_

Hiccup sighed as he walked up front to the small, burning torch that they had lit, dipping the head of his arrow into it and letting the fire set it alight. He took a deep breath as he began aiming it upwards. Once he knew where it would go, he let go of the string and fired it into the sky.

The arrow swiftly flew through the air, slowly swooping down and landing directly at the foot of the coffin on the ship. Everyone else followed suit, aiming their arrows and firing them in-sync so that they all landed on the ship as well.

Hiccup watched silently as the ship slowly began to be caught alight as well, slowly sinking into a blaze as it lit up the dull, grey fog in a beautiful golden red.

He was already letting a tear go down his face as he quietly said _"I'm sorry, Dad..."_

Valka sighed softly as Hiccup said this, noticing him scratch the back of his head as she walked up and stood next to him.

 _"I never should have left..."_ he said quietly, trying not to cry. _"If I hadn't gone away, maybe I could've... could've said goodbye..."_

"Y'know... you came early into this world..." she said softly as she caressed the back of her son's head, prompting him to look up at her. "You were such a wee thing... so frail, so fragile. I feared you wouldn't make it..."

Hiccup sighed as his head lowered a bit, before she took his chin so that he was facing her. "But your father... he _never_ doubted. He always said you'd become the strongest of them all... and he was right..."

She smiled warmly, saying "your father once told me something I'll never forget... that our boy has the heart of a chief and the soul of a dragon... and he's right about that, too... _that_ is who you are, son..."

Hiccup nodded silently, before looking at where his father's final resting place was. _"I... I was so afraid of becoming like Dad... mostly because I thought I never could. How... how do you become someone that great, that brave, that... selfless?"_

He took a deep breath, saying _"I guess you can... you can only try..."_

After a moment of silence, Hiccup turned back to his mother and took her hands gently, saying "I'm gonna put that diploma to good use, Mom... I'm gonna be an accountant, and I'm gonna help you get the restaurant back on it's feet, just like how Dad used to run it... and I'm not gonna let either of you guys down..."

Valka pulled him into a tight hug, affectionately whispering _"that's my boy..."_


	3. Meetings

_**One Month Later...**_

* * *

 **BBS - _Good Cooking For Total Morons - Snoggletog Special_**

 _It's the most wonderful time of the year  
With the kids jingle belling  
And everyone telling you be of good cheer  
It's the most wonderful time of the year_

 ** _"Hello and happy holidays to all my viewers... I'm Astrid Hofferson, and today I'm gonna show you how to make a Viking style Snoggletog Yak-nog..."_**

* * *

 **Elsewhere...**

"Ugh... if I ever drank that, I'd _yak-nog_ all over the place..." Tuffnut snarked as he and his sister watched Astrid cooking on the TV.

Ruffnut scoffed, saying _"see, how the hell did this Astrid Hofferson chick even get into the kitchen business when she makes crap like that? When I said I wanted to get into cooking, people laughed at me, yet she got in just fine and now has gods-know how many shows now... pft..."_

"Eh... don't worry, sis... we're gonna get the rest of that money somehow..." Tuffnut said back, prompting Ruffnut to smile at him. The smile disappeared as she looked back at the screen however, adding _"seriously though... she'd get nowhere if she didn't have those blue eyes, those wide hips and those big ti-"_

 ** _BEEP-BEEP-BEEP!_** Ruffnut caused a chair and the coffee table to fall over as she rushed over to get the telephone. _"Hello? Oh, hey mom, what's... what? Grandma? Oh, gods... yeah, we'll be right over..."_

* * *

 **Two Weeks Later...**

 _ **"GRUFFNUT!"**_ Tuffnut enthusiastically greeted his cousin as the latter came into the office, though his sister rolled her eyes as she continued sitting down. As the two boys sat on either side of her, the three of them looked at their grandmother's lawyer on the other side of the desk.

 _"So... this is auntie's will, right?"_ she asked. Phlegma nodded, opening the briefcase with the sheet inside as she said "it is indeed, lass... to be opened on the day of your dear departed Aunt's funeral. Which, obviously, was today..."

"Great... the _Zipplebacks_ are in of a huge makeover anyway... auntie's money oughta do just that..." Gruffnut scoffed ignorantly as he relaxed back in the chair. Phlegma and Ruffnut somehow rolled their eyes perfectly in-sync, before Phlegma cleared her throat.

 _"In the event of my death, my fortune, a total of three-hundred-fifty-thousand dollars, will be given to my dear niece and nephew, Ruffnut and Tuffnut Thorston..."_

 _ **"WHAT?! YEAH!"**_ the twins both shot up and linked arms to do a celebratory dance. Gruffnut was happy as well, saying "what about me? What did I get?"

 _"And to my other nephew, Gruffnut Thorston, for your love of music..."_ Phlegma paused as she reached into the briefcase, pulling out a small set of keys as she said _"my old van from my hippie years... make good use of it on your tours..."_

 _ **"WHOO! Thank you, Auntie!"**_ Gruffnut snatched the keys out of Phlegma's hand and darted screaming out of the office. Ruffnut and Tuffnut finally stopped their victory dance as Ruffnut took the will out of Phlegma's hand.

 ** _"Three Fifty K, Tuff! Can you believe it?!"_** Ruff was gushing and coming close to tears as she looked at her brother. "Put that with Uncle Buff, Grandpa and Grandma's inheritance money, that's uh... it's... it's uh... _what is that in total?_ "

Phlegma was clearly not enjoying this as she got out a sheet with all the totals added together, reading it out loud. _"One million, four-hundred thousand and three dollars, in total..."_

 ** _"YEAH-HEH!"_** the twins went back to celebratory dancing while Phlegma put her hand to her face, quietly saying _"how long before all that goes down the toilet, I wonder..."_

* * *

 **An Hour Later - Dragon Island Apartment Block**

Phlegma was huffing and puffing as she stood in the elevator that took her to the second floor of the building. When she got out of the elevator, she was surprised to see a young man not a year younger than the Thorston twins she had been dealing with earlier, fumbling around his keys before finally getting through the door into the apartment opposite hers.

 _"Um... hello, lad..."_ she said, nearly scaring the boy out of his skin as he jolted up a bit with a short but still loud yell.

 ** _"OI! KEEP IT DOWN OVER THERE!"_** a voice called down from the third floor. The boy took a deep breath, shouting up _**"sorry!"**_ to the voice.

 _"Ah, I wouldn't worry about Mildew... he's always been a cranky one..."_ Phlegma said in a comforting tone. The boy grinned, saying "yeah... I'm not usually that loud, so I think me and him'll probably get along okay..."

 _"Aye... so, you're the accountant then, aren't you? The one who's just moved in?"_

"Well, not officially... an accountant, that is..." the boy said as he scratched the back of his head. "I'm a graduate, but I'm technically not an accountant until I get a job at a firm..."

 _"Ah... well it's good to make your acquaintance, boy... Phlegma Ack..."_

"Uh... Hiccup. Hiccup Haddock..."

* * *

 **The Next Day - The Dragon's Eye - Seeking New Staff - Apply Now!**

The assistant-manager huffed and puffed to herself as she prepared to enter the interviewing room. The applicant was already in the room waiting for her, and according to the checklist she was the fifteenth applicant that morning. She groaned to herself loudly, before inhaling as she opened the door and entered the room.

"Right, let's get this over with... _it's nice to meet you. My name is Mala and I'm the assistant-manager of The Dragon's Eye, and I oversee all applica..._ wait, Heather?!"

 _"Uh, yeah... hi, Mala..."_ Heather waved awkwardly at her brother's girlfriend as she closed the door behind her. Mala was much happier than she was before, hugging Heather before letting go of her and saying "oh, right... um, _professionalism_... of course... right, shall we?"

Heather nodded as they both sat down, Mala taking out her checklist and clearing her throat before saying "now... when did you decide to apply?"

"Um, well... well I guess I really wanna work in a kitchen since I graduated from _Berserker Island Culinary School_... and, well, _The Dragon's Eye_ is one of the nicest restaurants in town, so uh... yeah... I mean, I saw _Boiling Point_ on TV, but to be honest, the last person I'd wanna work for is that Hofferson lady..."

 _"Hm... I suppose not..."_ Mala chuckled under her breath. "Hm... having tried more of your meals than I can possibly count thanks to Dagur, I can safely serve as a reliable reference for your cooking abilities... so I think we just might have an opening for you in the kitchen..."

"Oh, _thank the gods..._ uh, wow... thanks Mala, I... you don't know what this means to me..."

"It's my pleasure, dear..." Mala had a warm smile on her face. "Well... when can you start, then?"

 _"Uh... I was thinking maybe tomorrow lunchtime?"_

"Ah, excellent. Enthusiastic, I see..." Mala chuckled as she picked up a brown package and held it up to Heather. "Alright, here's your uniform... _black apron, white shirt, black tie..._ "

 _"Okay..."_ Heather took the package from Mala, who then looked at her checklist and said "I'll be stationing you with one of our _sous chefs_... I'll warn you, she's a bit of an acquired taste, but I'm sure you'll get along fine..."

 _"Great... I'm looking forward to meeting her..."_


	4. New

**The Dragon's Eye - 11:35am**

 _"Okay, don't make it awkward... be friendly, calm, and don't break down..."_ Heather frantically muttered to herself as she hopped off of the bus in front of the restaurant, constantly repeating this mantra to herself as she walked up to it. She was wearing a coat over her uniform so that she could keep it clean throughout her journey, since she hated the thought of looking dirty on her first day at one of the nicest restaurants on the island.

 _"Don't make it awkward, be friendly, calm and don't break down... don't make it awkward, be friendly, calm and don't break down..."_

As she went into the empty restaurant and into the kitchen she checked her watch, noticing that she had twenty-four minutes to spare until her started. _"Ugh..."_ she groaned to herself since she was hoping to have at least thirty, but she took a deep breath as she opened the door to the kitchen and went through it.

 _"Don't make it awkward, be friendly, calm and don't br **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!** "_ she froze on the spot with a shriek as a knife flew through the air and landed on the bulls-eye of the dartboard hanging behind her, the blade being mere inches from her face. A still-very-terrified Heather looked to her right, seeing a surprisingly short, messy-haired girl standing with her arms crossed.

"So... you're the new girl, huh?" she snarked in a bitter, almost angry tone. Heather was put off by this, nervously scratching one of her arms as she said _"uh... uh, yeah... yeah, I am... I just, uh... uh..."_

" _ **Uh? Uh? Uh?**_ Gods, are you **_retarded_** or something? Hope you're not as slow at cooking..."

 _"Uh..."_

"There you go again with the _**uuuhhhhh?**_ Let's get this straight, new girl!" she got up close to Heather. Despite being just about a head shorter, the girl's sheer fury and aggression was enough to scare the life out of Heather, who remained petrified as the girl said _"if you fuck up this service, I'm gonna rip out your ovaries right through your cunt and serve 'em to the **HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA! Oh... oh ho ho...** "_

Heather, half-scared and half-confused, stared with an eyebrow raised as the girl nearly collapsed with giddy, hearty laughter. **_"Ha ha! Oh, man, you should have seen the look on your face, y'looked like you were gonna shit yourself! Ha ha ha!"_**

"I... I'm sorry, what's g..."

" _Pft..._ yeah just relax, okay, I was kidding..." the girl suddenly took on a friendlier, much more casual vibe as she patted Heather on the back. "So you're Mala's sister-in-law, right?"

"Well, uh... we're not at _that_ stage yet, but I guess so... I'm Heather..." she put her hand out nervously, the messy-haired girl shaking it as she answered with "good to meet you... _Camicazi_ , but I usually go by _Cami_..."

"Right... _Cami_ , got it... so, that whole breakdown a second ago..."

"Just a little joke I like to do with the new folks... before you start thinking that this is gonna be like an episode of _Helheim's Kitchen_..." Cami reached into her pocket and pulled out a _Dragon's Eye_ supplied hair net, putting it over her head and shoving her messy blonde locks into it. "We're all friends here... Mala says you tend to love your work if you love _where_ you work, y'know?"

 _"Hm... yeah, I guess that makes sense..."_

"Great. So Heather, your speciality on your resume's apparently yak chops, so why don't start over on the meat section and I'll be over on the fish section if you need a hand with anything...?"

 _"Uh... yeah, sounds great."_

Cami smiled and said "fantastic. Y'know, I like you, Heather. Feel like we're gonna get along..."

 _"Yeah... I feel like it too, Cami..."_

* * *

 **Stoick's Place - One Week Later...  
**

 _I have no use for rings of gold_  
 _I care not for your poetry_  
 _I'd only want your hand to hold_  
 _I'd only want you near me!_

 _"Mom, there is no chance in Hel that I..."_

 _ **"Oh come on, son! Up with you now..."**_ Valka was insisting giddily as she pulled her son to his feet to join in the jig she and Gobber were doing around the middle table of the empty restaurant.

 _I'll swim and sail on savage seas_  
 _With ne'er a fear of drowning_  
 _And gladly ride the waves of life_  
 _If you will marry me!_

 _"Ha ha... oh ha ha ha... ha ha ha..."_ the three of them were short of breath yet wheezing loudly with laughter as they sat back down when the song finished. Hiccup was panting and holding his chest, groaning with a chuck as he said _"well... well, I wasn't expecting to be doing **that** tonight... ha ha... hoo..."_

"Oh, aye... that was one of your father's favourites..." Valka laughed as she drank some of her wine to help get her breath back. "It was our wedding song, y'know..."

 _"Hm... yeah..."_ Hiccup sighed a bit, looking down towards the floor. Valka could already tell that she probably shouldn't have reminded him of his father, but she smiled, held her drink up in one hand and put the other on Hiccup's shoulder.

"Well, let's not be sad... this is _your_ special occasion, son..."

"Aye, it is indeed, boy..." Gobber cut in as he raised his cup, prompting Hiccup to grin a bit as he put his up as well. "Here's to Hiccup's job at his new firm, and new, successful careers for us _both!_ "

 _"Wait, what?!"_ Hiccup said in a confused tone as Valka shot a venomous glare at Gobber and snarled through gritted teeth. **_"You weren't supposed to tell him that yet!"_**

 _"What? Tell me what?"_

Valka groaned again, saying "well, son... Gobber here has a new job..."

"Aye... assistant editor, for a new show Astrid Hofferson's doing..."

 _"Gobber, when have you ever been an editor?"_

"Let's just say me underrated talents have finally been noticed by someone... ha ha..."

 _"Yeah, I guess, but... Gobber, does this mean you're leaving us?"_

"Well, um... I, um... eh... um... well, I suppose that means I would be, yes..." Gobber sighed with a slight hint of regret. "But, well, y'know, laddie... what this place needs is some new blood... there's um... there's no room for old war horses like me..."

Hiccup sighed a bit, glancing at his furiously glaring mother as she stared at Gobber with her arms crossed. _"Gobber, you... you and Dad gave us all some great memories in here... you're basically part of the family..."_

"Aye, well... I suppose eventually all families drift apart sooner or later, Hiccup..."

 _"Yeah, I guess..."_ Hiccup forced a small, weak smile onto his face, before feeling Valka patting his back as she confidently said "well, I'm sure _Stoick's Place'll_ still have a bright future ahead with our new accountant, eh, Hiccup?"

 _"Yeah... I guess..."_


	5. Shutdown

_Then you're left in the dust... unless I stuck by ya_  
 _You're the sunflower... I think your love would be too much_  
 _Or you'll be left in the dust... unless I stuck by ya_  
 _You're the sunflower... you're the sunflower_

Heather went wide-eyed as she heard her ringtone. As soon as she shut her apartment door, she pulled out her phone and said "hello, this is Heather..."

 ** _"Sister!"_**

Heather chuckled as she heard the loud enthusiastic yell on the other side of the call. "Hey, Dagur... what's up?"

 _"I wanna hear all about your first week at Dragon's Eye. Mala thinks you did great..."_

"She does?! Phew, wow... _thank Thor..._ uh... ha ha... well, Dagur, I uh... yeah, I really enjoyed the shift... everyone was really nice..."

 _"Did you meet Cami yet?"_

"Ha ha... yeah, she's great..."

 _"Isn't she, though?"_

"She took some getting used to, first couple minutes, but even then she was an absolute riot... yeah, but I really liked it, Dagur."

 _"Great... Heather, I know you had some stumbling blocks when you graduated from that culinary school... but I really think this job'd be a good stepping stone to making that restaurant you always talk about..."_

"Pft... Dagur, come on... Windshear's Palace was a fantasy at best. Alright, it was just a stupid dream I was using to motivate myself through the culinary school... never gonna happen in a _million_ years..."

 _"Oh, uh... okay..."_ Dagur clearly sounded slightly disappointed, but Heather would have been feeling much worse if she'd risked getting his hopes up. Nevertheless, he returned to his more proud tone as he said _"so what about Dragon's Eye? Y'think it's a keeper?"_

"Well... well yeah, to be honest... if it's anything like today was, I think I'll be working there for years to come..."

* * *

 **Eighteen Months Later...**

 _"In other news today, the owner of the popular Dragon's Eye restaurant has officially declared bankruptcy after several of it's most lucrative assets were mysteriously liquidated through an offshore account last week. As a result, the restaurant has closed it's doors for good, leaving it's staff in need of new_ _employment..."_

* * *

 **One Week Later... Dragon's Eye - 9:32am**

Cami got off the door in front of the now boarded-up _Dragon's Eye_ restaurant, right where Heather had texted her to go. She rolled her eyes as she walked up the drive, noticing Heather standing in front of the restaurant's door waiting for her.

"Alright, Heather, I'll bite... why are we out here?" she asked with an eyebrow raised and a snarky tone in her voice. Heather had a smug grin on her face as she turned to face her.

"I just wanna hear your opinion about this..." she said, folding open a familiar sheet of paper in her pocket and holding it up for Cami to see. Cami scoffed lightly, having seen and heard about the contents of this picture nearly every day for the last year-and-a-half. "Windshear's Palace? _Seriously?_ "

 _"What?!"_ Heather was suddenly acting more defensive at Cami's apparent apathy. "This place is in the toilet anyway, Cami, so there's not much else I can do... thought _you_ of all people'd be a little more enthusiastic..."

"Oh no, I'm not saying _seriously_ at that, it's just... ugh, come on, Heather, y'had to _get me up_ for this? Never thought of calling?"

"Hm..." Heather folded the picture and put it back in her pocket. "Well, I _was_ just about to offer you the chance to be my partner in the business, but if you'd rather go back to sleeping, th..."

 ** _"YOU CUNT!"_** Cami shrieked in excitement as she suddenly darted over to Heather and threw her arms tight around her, both of them squealing and giggling like children as they hugged. **_"Yes! Yes! Yes! I wanna work with you! Oooh, yes! Yes, I can't wait!"_**

 _"Well, okay... ooh..."_ Heather wheezed a bit as Cami hugged her tighter. When she eventually let go of her, Heather clutched her stomach slightly to regain her breath, before saying "but you gotta commit to it... alright, if you want your name up on this thing, Cami, you gotta work for it with me..."

Cami scoffed, putting her hands on her hips as she said _"great... when do we start...?"_

* * *

 **Stoick's Place**

 _ **"Hey, Mom!"**_ Hiccup called happily as he came into the restaurant, being able to look into the kitchen to see his mother standing on a ladder as she fixed one of the ceiling bulbs. He went into the kitchen and she smiled at him as she closed the light casing over.

"A terrible shame what happened to the _Dragon's Eye_ , isn't it?" Valka called back as she got down from the ladder, hugging her son tight as he came into the kitchen. "How are y'today, son?"

"I'm good, Mom... I'm good." Hiccup separated from the hug before adding "I just wanted to talk about how _you've_ been holding up, though..."

They sat down in the empty dining area as Hiccup opened his laptop and they both put on their glasses. He pointed to the spreadsheet on the screen, saying "so, uh... it looks like you've had a bit of a _slump_ in the last couple months, Mom..."

 _"Ugh, aye. I... I'm sorry, Hiccup, I just..."_ Valka used one of the tissues to pat the side of her face as an early prevention technique for crying. _"It's just been getting really hard trying to keep things going on m'own... I mean, first few months it were right as rain, but Gobber and your father were the ones handling this place before... before all that, but now... well, I don't know..."_

"Well, the firm's giving me a couple more clients after I helped out with the investigation of that _Dragon's Eye_ accountant, but I think I might be able to have another look at your assets and consult about where to invest and stuff..." Hiccup sighed a bit, a mixture of both worry and relief, before smiling at his mother and closing the laptop. _"Anyway... new conversation?"_

"Hm..." Valka mischievously rolled her eyes, before adding "alright... _have y'tried out that dating site I told you about, yet_?"

 ** _"Well, guess that's conversation over. Bye, Mom. Love ya..."_** Hiccup quickly darted up, kissed Valka's forehead and tucked his laptop back into his briefcase before scurrying out of the restaurant. Valka scoffed as her son left, before looking up to the ceiling with a grin.

 _"No different from you, Stoick... no different from you at all..."_


	6. Decision

**One Month Later...**

* * *

 ** _"In other news today, the extensive investigation into the now-infamous Dragon's Eye embezzlement scheme has released shocking new information. Thanks to files analysed by an employee of Bucket And Mulch Accounting, who shall remain anonymous for privacy purposes, it's been discovered that it was in fact the restaurant's independent financial adviser and accountant, Krogan Killmonger, who was behind the massive liquidation of the restaurant's assets. Killmonger disappeared not long before the restaurant's owners discovered the theft of the funds, but Berkian police and authorities across the Archipelago have launched a full-scale search for him. It has also been learned that the money remaining in the compromised assets have been frozen by the authorities for safety, and it is unlikely the restaurant or it's owners will ever regain these funds."_**

* * *

 **10:38pm**

Hiccup sighed with a hint of a weak laugh as he opened the door to his apartment. He was never comfortable at parties or get-together events, especially when they revolved around _him_ , so he'd left early while the others at the firm were still out drinking to celebrate his exposure of Krogan.

In general, he'd never been that confident while working at the firm. In the last eighteen months he'd barely spoken to anyone who wasn't the manager, and that _especially_ applied to the female workers. While he was certainly proud to get the firm some positive attention from the public, especially with all the scandals surrounding the accounting business, he'd been far more surprised by the amount of positive attention _he_ was getting from his co-workers because of it.

But he wasn't ready _just_ yet to become sociable, so he simply went home, changed into pyjamas while his frozen dinner was cooked in the microwave and sat watching TV while he ate it. It was Friday night, so it meant that _The Grisly Show With Grimmel_ was the main attraction on TV that night. It was especially hyped up this week, since the host from that _Helheim's Kitchen_ show was the lead guest.

 _ **PING!**_ his laptop suddenly shot up a notification. Hiccup sighed, turning down the volume on the TV as he opened it to see what it said. It was a message from the firm's manager, and he was in urgent need of a volunteer.

 _Evening everyone. Alvin here._  
 _We've just received a request from a new restaurant business in need of an accountant._  
 _I know you're all out celebrating Hiccup's success with the Dragon's Eye case, but if any of_  
 _you could get back to me on this, I'd be much obliged._

Hiccup pinched the bridge of his nose, glancing up at the screen where Chef Hofferson was being interviewed and watching it silently.

* * *

 _"Come on, I mean... settle down? Take things slow? What, are you kidding? I'm at the top of my game, here! Alright, I'm right up there with the big dogs! Girls, come on... you wanna stay in the kitchen and leave the celebrity chef stuff to the men? Pah!... I don't think so... I don't think so..."_

* * *

"Ugh... fuck it..." Hiccup groaned under his breath, before he turned back to the laptop and began typing.

 _Hey, Alvin. Hiccup here._  
 _I'll take the job if it's still available._  
 _Do you have the business' email or number?_


	7. Introduction

**The New Business - Monday Morning - 8:30am**

Hiccup got off of his bike and left it on the hook in the parking lot, walking up to the front door of the building. Putting his glasses on, he examined the outside of the building and was intrigued by the 50s-style look of the place, raising an eyebrow at the logo pasted on the door: _Ruffnut's Baking Company_.

He went through the door into the main restaurant. The black and white checkerboard floor was nearly reflective due to the cleanliness, and the entirely black tables were empty since the restaurant wasn't open until 9am. Clearing his throat, Hiccup called out **_"uh... hello? Anyone?"_**

Sighing lightly, Hiccup went to the main counter, which had a glass casing for an assortment of rich, delicate cakes and biscuits of all kinds. While he admired the craftsmanship and detail that went into these confectioneries, he was fairly certain that if he ate any one of them he'd get both types of diabetes, and just looking at them made him feel an almost foreboding nausea. So he looked away from the counter and sat down waiting for someone to come out.

 ** _"You're a lazy little bitch! I don't need your attitude fucking up my service!"_** he jolted up suddenly as he heard a furious female voice shouting from the kitchen behind the counter.

 ** _"Fuck you, I quit!"_** a distinctly Scottish voice snapped back, before the shaggy, red-haired woman it belonged to stormed out of the kitchen with a bag slung over her shoulder and walked out the door, slamming it shut behind her.

 _"Gods..."_ Hiccup said under his breath, before the blonde-haired woman the first voice belonged to came out the kitchen and shouted _**"yeah, that's right, Merida! Don't even think about coming back here again! Cause I ain't having you!"**_

Hiccup sat silent but wide-eyed at what he had just witnessed, before she looked at him and paused. After a few seconds of awkward and uncomfortable silence, she snapped out of the trance that he'd unintentionally put her in and cleared her throat. "Uh... hi, what can I do for you?"

"Oh, right. Um..." Hiccup stood up and extended his hand to her. "Hiccup Haddock. I'm here from _Bucket And Mulch Accounting_."

 _"Uh... oh... **OH! You're the new accountant... great!** "_ she grabbed Hiccup's hand with both of hers and shook it almost aggressively with her excitement. When she finally released him, she straightened her apron and said "I'm Ruffnut... Ruffnut Thorston, and I'm the head chef, and namesake, of the good old _RBC_..."

" _RBC_ , huh?" Hiccup said in a slightly snarky tone. "Hm... well, that should be easy to remember..."

 _"Yeah. Ooh, just hold on a sec, I'll get my brother!"_ Ruffnut suddenly shot away, jumping over the counter and poking her head into the kitchen. _**"TUFF, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE RIGHT NOW! THE NEW ACCOUNTANT'S HERE!"**_

Hiccup had an eyebrow raised as the two walked back into the dining area, both trying to look as presentable as possible. The brother, who had an uncannily resemblance to his sister, put up his fist and said _"what's up, dude? Tuffnut Thorston. Owner."_

"Uh... Hiccup Haddock... you guys are twins, I guess?" he said back awkwardly as he slowly and reluctantly fist-bumped Tuffnut, both of them nodding excitedly in response to his question. Ruffnut was smiling uncomfortably at Hiccup, but he tried his best to ignore this as he said "so... I notice you guys had a little falling out with your waitress back there..."

" _What?_ Oh, you mean Merida..." Ruffnut went back to normal, or at least as close to normal as she could get, before adding "yeah, she's always been a liability to us... I'm pretty sure she was stealing from us too..."

 _"Stealing?"_

"Yeah. Our account seems to be losing about two hundred dollars every week, and we're not really sure why..." Tuffnut explained. "But hey. We've got you now, so we finally figure that out, right?"

 _"Uh... yeah... I guess so..."_ Hiccup scratched the back of his head. A small yet powerful feeling in his stomach seemed to be telling him that this was a bad idea. Though he had yet to learn how right that feeling in his stomach really was.


	8. Positive Outlook

**Thorston House - That Night...**

 _"Y'know, Tuff. I'm really glad we got rid of that Merida girl..."_ Ruffnut called from her _en suite_ bathroom. Tuffnut nodded as he put down the bag of laundry on his sister's bed, before saying "I've said it once, I've said it a hundred-gazillion times, sis... she was _102%_ stealing from us."

 _"Yeah, I know, right?"_ Ruffnut, having changed into pajamas while she was in the bathroom, came out and sat on her bed. "She was a liability from day one. No doubt about it. I hated her ever since she opened her mouth that ridiculous voice came out.

"Didn't know what she was fucking saying half the time... and, y'know, that's like, sayin' a lot too..." Tuff rubbed his arm awkwardly as he said this. Ruffnut nodded as she held up her small mirror so she could take off her makeup, before she began giggling like an excited schoolgirl as she said _"gods, but that new accountant, though... HOO!"_

"Yeah, he seems like he's got the smarts..."

 _"He's **definitely** got the looks, that's for sure... ha ha..."_ Ruffnut stopped halfway through removing her eye-liner and froze, thinking for a moment before she said _"hey, bro?"_

"What?"

 _"Y'don't think that accountant place has rules about dating clients, do you?"_

"Uh... dunno. Why?"

 _"Hm... well..."_ Ruffnut wrapped one of her fingers in her hair as she let out a little grin on her slightly blushing face. It took a good long moment for Tuffnut to process what she was hinting at, before he went wide-eyed and shoved her playfully. Or at least the _Thorston_ version of playfully, wherein Ruffnut was launched off the bed and hit the wall hard behind her.

As she got up groaning, Tuffnut was still taunting her humorously, childishly singing " _Ruff and the accountant, up in a tree... K-I-S-_ uh... um... crap, uh... _I_... uh... think there's another _I_ and then... _OOF!_ "

Ruffnut was laughing as Tuffnut collapsed next to her after she'd punched him in the crotch, hitting him on the head as she said _"that's what you get for making fun of me and my crush..."_

"Well, fuck you too... ha ha..." Tuffnut groaned loudly as he pulled himself to his feet as Ruffnut got into her bed and threw the covers over herself.

She smiled at him, saying _"but y'know what, Tuff... I actually think this Hiccup guy's gonna help us out big time..."_

"Oh I bet he will..." Tuffnut said with full, genuine confidence and his distinct lack of self-awarness. "I'm telling you, sis... with this guy's help, they're gonna be talking about _RBC_ for years to come..."

 _"Yeah... and I can't fucking wait!"_ Ruffnut finally calmed down as Tuffnut was about to close her bedroom door. _"Night, Tuff..."_

"Night, Ruff..." Tuffnut said warmly as he closed the door while his sister turned off her lamp.

* * *

 **Bucket And Mulch Accounting - Two Days Later...**

 _"Gods..."_ was the only real reaction Hiccup could really give out as he finally finished reading through _RBC's_ troubled financial history. One of his co-workers, a largely built man with blonde hair, heard his voice, coming over to Hiccup's desk and saying "so... these are the new clients Alvin emailed us all about, huh?"

 _"Yeah, Fishlegs..."_ Hiccup groaned back, clearly not in the mood for conversation after what he'd just read. He nearly felt like tearing his own hair out as held up a bunch of the papers, saying _"these guys have no idea how to work money, and that's not exaggerating... I mean... come on, look at this..."_

Fishlegs took a look at one of the sheets, taking a few moments before he too went wide-eyed in shock. He clearly wasn't envying Hiccup's current position.

 _"The brother can't even count... him screwing up the numbers means that at least two hundred a week is just disappearing without being noted... oh, for Thor's sake..."_ Hiccup lay back in his chair as he put his hand on his face. He sighed, before saying _"they fired that poor girl for no reason... ha ha... they said she was stealing it... they used her a scapegoat for the weekly two hundred... and they just wanted an excuse to get rid of her because the sister hated her... pft... Gods..."_

"Eh... wouldn't worry about it, Hiccup..." Fishlegs passed the sheet back to Hiccup as he said this. "You're the best in our firm. If anybody can save this _RBC_ place, it's you..."

 _"Great. Thanks, Fishlegs, that's definitely not putting more pressure on me or anything..."_

"Besides... forgetting their pretty big money problems, y'probably just got them off-guard on a bad day... it'll get better... key's to have a positive outlook on this sorta thing..."

 _"A positive outlook, huh?... well, let's hope so..."_

* * *

At least once a week over the next few months, Hiccup would arrive at _RBC_ and make his way through the parking lot to give financial updates to the twins.

 _Hello world, here's a song that we're singin'  
_ _C'mon get happy_

 _A whole lotta lovin' is what we'll be bringin'  
_ _We'll make you happy_

 ** _"Get out! Get the fuck out!"_** or some variation of it would be the first thing he heard Ruffnut say before he'd even made it through the door, followed immediately by the employee she was ranting to storming out the door right past Hiccup. As soon as she saw him, however, Ruffnut would always smile and wave as if nothing had happened, and Hiccup had no other option besides falsely smiling back.

 _Travelin' along, there's a song that we're singin'  
_ _C'mon get happy_

 _"Keep a positive outlook..."_ was the command he tried to constantly remind himself of every time he was about to have a meeting with the twins. But as time went on, this phrase tended to cause more dread than comfort, since the twins were the only people that he actually needed to use it for.

 _We'll make you happy  
_ _We'll make you happy_


	9. Application

**_COMING SOON, ONLY ON BBS (Berk Broadcasting System)..._**

* * *

 _THE FOLLOWING PROGRAMME CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE AND INTENSE SCENES. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED._

* * *

 _ **For the last three years, Chef Hofferson has whipped aspiring chefs into shape on Helheim's Kitchen...**_

 _"Fuck off! This is fucking painful! GET OUT! Now! OUT!"_

 _ **Now, Astrid Hofferson, the most successful restaurateur on the planet, with critically acclaimed restaurants on the Outcast, Berseker and Uglithug Islands, is crisscrossing Berk for the most difficult assignment of her career...**_

 _"This... is disgusting! I am at a loss for words here!"_

 _ **Turning around Berk's kitchen flightmares.**_

 _"I don't know what the fuck to do with you guys!"_

 _ **Each week, she will go to restaurants on the brink of disaster...**_

 _"This place is a fucking disaster zone!"_

 ** _But to get these restaurants back on track, Chef Hofferson will hold nothing back._**

 _"I have never, ever, ever, EVER, met someone I believe in as little as you..."_

 _ **It will be intense...**_

 _"What do we need? A fucking death in this restaurant before some fucker gets a grip?!"_

 _ **It will be emotional...**_

 _"I don't even know why I even fucking bothered with this..."_

 ** _And it will be shocking!_**

 _"It's fucking rotten! I've eaten this! Can you please go and tell them that the kitchen is closed?! Luckiest day of their fucking lives!"_

 _ **In the end, you will see dramatic turnarounds...**_

 _"Put your hands up if you also think this place is in desperate need of a reboot!"_

 _ **...of not just the restaurants...**_

 _"See how much better this place looks now?"_

 _ **...but the people who work in them.**_

 _"I'm just so glad that I could help these guys switch this place around. They've got such a bright future ahead of them..."_

 _ **And while most appreciate her help, others aren't so grateful...**_

 _"And who the fuck are you to tell me how to run a kitchen when you work like a PIG?!"_

 ** _Get ready, as Chef Hofferson turns Berk's kitchen flightmares..._**

 _"I thank Thor for what I am about to receive. May the Gods not kill me with food poisoning..."_

 ** _...back into dreams..._**

 _"Please... do not... screw this... up!"_

 ** _Hofferson's Kitchen Flightmares... only on BBS (Berk Broadcasting System)..._**

* * *

 ** _BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_**

Hiccup groaned loudly as he shut off the alarm clock and got out of bed. As he got showered and dressed, he put on his glasses and went to his laptop. Less than a minute passed between him logging on and a notification coming from his mailbox. This particular notification was the one that he'd spent every day for the last six months dreading the thought of getting. On some days when he didn't get it, his fears were eased, but on days when he did his fears increased tenfold.

 _Inbox: **1 unread message**... you have... **1**... new message from... **Ruffnut**._

 _"Great..."_ he sighed under his breath as he opened it.

 _Hiccup, it's Ruff.  
_ _We got a couple of new applications last night for the opening.  
_ _They're coming tomorrow for the interview. Can you be here too?  
_ _Thanks. Ruff._

Hiccup scoffed, wrapping his arms around himself and breathing heavily as he thought about what to do. _"Do it... don't do it... do it... don't do it... ugh..."_

 _Okay.  
_ _What time are you meeting them?_

As he clicked _**Send**_ and closed the tab, he was already feeling a deep feeling of hatred and regret at himself, sitting back on the bed and groaning. "It's just an interview... why do I even need to be there?!"

 _We all want to grow with the seeds we will sow  
_ _We all want to go with the breeze we will blow  
_ _We all want to know when we're all meant to go  
_ _To a place you will know, so_

Hiccup sighed a bit as he heard his ringtone from the table next to him, getting off the bed to grab the phone and answer it. "Uh... hi, Mom. I'm sorry, I meant to call, I just..."

 _"Oh, it's no bother at all, son. I just wanted to see how y'were... you've not been here all week..."_

"Well, uh... yeah, I mean... I've been reading through your accounts and you're doing okay, so uh..."

 _"Well isn't that charming? A mother can't see her son unless she's doing something wrong... ha ha..."_

"Mom, come on. Y'know it's not like that..."

 _"Aye, I'm only joking. So... how are the twins at that RBC place treating you?"_

"Oh, uh... yeah, great. Everything's fine..." Hiccup sharpened up a bit as he said this. The twins were problematic enough for him to work with, and the last thing he needed was for his mother to know about what they were really like. "Yeah... we're all getting along great over here, Mom..."

 _"Ah, lovely to know."_

"So, uh... well... how's everything your end?"

 _"Oh aye. It's going absolutely grand, dear... though I'm assuming you'll be coming around to check up on us some time this week..."_

"Probably in the next couple days, yeah..."

 _"Right oh, then... ha ha... so... should we talk about your love life now or then?"_

"Bye, Mom. Love you..."

 _"Love you too, son..."_ Valka laughed as she hung up and Hiccup put the phone down.

 _Inbox: **1 unread message**... you have... **1**... new message from... **Ruffnut**._

"Well, that was fast..." he snarked to himself as he opened the Mail tab and opened Ruffnut's response, which was barely a sentence long:

 _It's at 9:30._

* * *

 **The Next Morning - 9:27am**

"...and _that_ is why M-Rated stuff on Fanfiction is just pure pornography..." Cami said to finish the nearly half-hour speech she'd began as soon as they got in the car, which was now parked just outside the building.

Cami got out of the backseat and went to the open front passenger window where Heather was unbuckling her seatbelt.

"Thanks for the lift, D-Man." she casually said to Dagur, while Heather kissed him on the cheek and said _"yeah, thanks bro... we'll probably be done in about an hour..."_

"You guys _sure_ you don't want me with you in there?" Dagur asked, with some slight concern in his voice. "Heather, it's just... after that guy at the _Ugly Thugs_ tried to..."

 _"Dagur, I'll be fine, really..."_ Heather laughed weakly as she straightened her suit and tie. _"Besides, if this Tuffnut guy starts overstepping those boundaries..."_

"I rip his dick off and strangle him with it. Yes, we know..." Cami snarked with an eye roll as Heather finally got out of the car. She then winked at Dagur, saying "don't worry, dude. I got her back..."

"Yeah, alright..." Dagur said as he started up the engine again. "I'm gonna be in this _exact_ spot in one hour, got it?"

 _ **"Got it!"**_ both girls laughed as he smiled and drove off. Cami sighed as she looked at the entrance to RBC, looking back at Heather and saying "y'know what... I've got an awful good feeling about this..."

 _"Me too, Cami..."_ Heather chuckled. _"Well... here's to getting one step closer to Windshear's Palace..."_


	10. Interview

Heather and Cami both came into the restaurant, with Heather letting out an impressed whistle as she saw how clean and stylish the dining area looked. Cami chuckled as Heather stopped for a moment to admire it even more, before looking at the table in the middle of the room and awkwardly saying "oh, uh... Heather..."

She tugged Heather's arm to get her attention, the latter quickly snapping back to reality as they looked at the thin, auburn-haired man with the glasses that was sitting at the table. He looked up from his phone at them, smiling as he stood up and held out his hand to them. _"Ah, so... I take it you guys are the ones that applied for the jobs..."_

"Oh, yeah... uh... I'm Heather..."

"And I'm Camicazi, but my friends call me Cami..." the man was clearly not expecting Cami to be as strong or aggressive as she shook his hand. Heather was next, shaking his hand much more gently as she formally said "you must be Mr. Thorston..."

He chuckled and took off his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose, before putting them back on as he said _"uh, no... actually, I'm just the Thorston's accountant... Hiccup Haddock..."_

"Oh, uh... is Mr. Thorston here?"

 _"Yeah, he and his sister'll be around in a minute. Why don't you guys take a seat?"_ Hiccup sat back down, prompting the girls to sit on the chairs on the other side of the table so they were facing him. They sat silently like this for about a minute, and Heather noticed Hiccup glancing at her a few times as if he was trying to piece together whether or not he'd seen her before.

He eventually broke the silence with _"um... Heather, is it?"_

"Me?"

 _"Yeah... I hope you don't mind me asking, but uh... are you the girl that was on the news after the whole Ugly Thug incident last month?"_

 ** _"What's it to you, perv?!"_** Cami snapped, but Heather held her back as she said "sweet Odin, Cami. The guy's asking me a question..."

 _"Ugh, man. I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have said anyth..."_

"No no... it's fine. I mean, it happened, yeah, we can't ignore it..." Heather cleared her throat awkwardly as she fondled her braid. "I'm the uh... I'm that girl, yeah..."

 _"Gods... I was shocked when I heard about that..."_ Hiccup scratched the back of his head. _"I mean, my mom and dad, they... hm... they always told me to respect women, always, and by the gods, I always have... but to see a guy try something like that, it... it makes me physically sick, it really does... I mean, I can't tell you that I understand what you're going through, cause I can't, but... but, uh... ugh... I don't even know why I asked..."_

"It's okay... and thank you, Mr Haddock..." Heather nodded with a weak smile, before they all looked up in shock as the kitchen door flew open and the twins came out, with the brother yawning audibly.

"Look, Ruff. My alarm clock was annoying, so I turned..."

 _ **"Hiccup's been waiting here like a fucking moron all morning, Tuff! You don't have any excuse to be such a lazy cunt! I swear to Thor, if you weren't my brother and co-owner, I'd fire your aaaaaaa** hhhhello... hi, I'm Ruffnut Thorston, The head chef and co-owner of RBC..."_

"Uh, hi... I'm Heather and this is Cami..." Heather tried to sound formal and friendly at the same tine while Cami relaxed back in her chair.

The twins sat on either side of Hiccup, with Ruffnut grabbing his bicep and saying _"so I see you've met our accountant, and my boyfriend, Hiccup..."_

"Oh, I didn't realise you guys w..."

 _" **Boy**... **friend**... a friend who is a boy."_ Hiccup interrupted in a blunt, annoyed tone, seemingly suggesting that Ruffnut had done this many times before now. Heather cleared her throat awkwardly again while Cami put her hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing at this.

Ruffnut eyed Hiccup briefly, before her brother reached into his briefcase and looked at the girls. "So... you wanna work at _RBC_ , huh?"

"We're here, aren't we?" Cami snarked, prompting Heather to glare at her as if to silently say _don't be so fucking rude or else we won't get the jobs!_

The twins were both put off by Cami's remark at first, but Ruffnut cleared her throat and said _"alright... let's get this interview underway, shall we?"_


	11. Background

_"I thought I'd make us some refreshments for the interview..."_ Ruffnut quickly went back to the kitchen to get them, prompting Heather to say "ooh... talk about special treatment, huh?"

 _"Hm... well, you're in for a treat... Ruffnut Thorston is the **Cleopatra** of the kitchen industry..."_ Hiccup snarked with a hint of spite as Ruffnut came back in and put a soggy, unattractive looking dish in the centre of the table. Hiccup, Heather and Cami were all surprised and disgusted by it, but they tried their hardest to keep straight faces so as to not hurt Ruffnut's feelings or provoke her temper.

 _"What... I'm sorry, but, um... what is this, exactly?"_ Cami asked, actively trying to hold her breath to avoid breathing in the strong, hurting smell of it.

"Oh, I'm glad you asked, milady..." Tuffnut said as he passionately pointed to the dish as Hiccup took one to try it. "That would be salt-encrusted sea bass with a salted seaweed gravy mixed in with salt and all finished with a little _pinch_... of salt on top..."

 _"Whoa, that is... salty..."_ Hiccup said, trying his best not to vomit as he was swallowing it. Eventually, he managed to get it down, and had to dab his eyes a bit to keep tears from coming out, while Tuffnut took two thin files out of his briefcase, putting them on the table and opening the front page on the first.

"If you don't mind me asking... what are these?" Heather asked. Tuffnut ignored her and Ruffnut remained silent, prompting Hiccup to say "uh... it's basically a background check... Tuff does it with everybody in these interviews..."

Tuffnut, who it seems really enjoyed and took advantage of the opportunity to play detective, kept his eyes glued to the sheet as he spoke bluntly and hostilely. "Neither if you are from Berk, _are you_?"

"Uh... yeah, that's right..." Heather said nervously, as Cami added _"I'm from the Bog Burglar islands. Moved here two years ago after finishing college..."_

"Uh-huh... that checks out..." Tuffnut put down Cami's information and moved on to Heather's as the latter said "my brother and I are from Berserker Island... when I finished culinary school, we moved here because the restaurants were a lot nicer..."

"Okay... okay..." Tuffnut nodded slowly as he continued reading the sheet. "Right... says here you guys both started out working for the Dragon's Eye, but after that went in the toilet you've apparently been coming and going between different restaurants..."

 _"That's right..."_ Cami held Heather's hand tenderly, almost lovingly, as she said _"Heather wants to run her own business one day and, well, we're just trying to raise the money to make it happen..."_

"Aw, that's so sweet..." Ruffnut said in a false, patronising tone. "A little naive, but still sweet..."

Hiccup rolled his eyes without Ruffnut noticing, before looking at the girls and saying "so, what were you guys doing at these restaurants... _job-wise_...?"

"We were both sous chefs." Heather said. "Sometimes, I stood in for the waitresses when they had colds, bu..."

 _ **"Great! Just what we need!"**_ Ruffnut pulled out a small notepad and ticked the section marked _Waitress_.

"Alright... I'm probably thinking of giving you two a shot... Hiccup, what about you?"

"Yeah, great. I think you guys'll be a good addition to the team..."

"Well, I'm not entirely sure..." Tuffnut said as everyone looked at him. Ruffnut reached around Hiccup's back to shove her brother's shoulder, snapping _"Tuff, what the fuck are you doing?!"_

He put the first file away and opened the second one. "I already know your previous work experience. Did you two really think I wouldn't find out about your history of violence in those workplaces?"

 _"What?!"_ Cami snapped, as an equally confused but somewhat calmer Heather said "history of _violence_?"

Tuffnut kept his face close to the file to read it word-for-word, saying "Heather, is it true that, just last month in your previous job at the _Ugly Thugs_ , you assaulted a co-worker? Specifically, the assistant manager?"

Ruffnut went wide-eyed at this, but Heather was clearly offended, saying "I assaulted _him_?! I was acting in se..."

"It says here that you slapped him hard enough to dislocate his jaw and then Cami had him on the ground and repeatedly kicked him in his unmentionable area..."

 _ **"The guy was a fucking rapist!"**_ Cami was clearly infuriated by this as she got out of her chair with Heather having to hold her back. _**"Heather was defending herself!"**_

"Really? Hm... well, how come that's not mentioned here at all?"

Hiccup was pinching the bridge of his nose as he said "Tuff, for Thor's sake... the case was on the news every night for a week and the guy's gone to prison for it... how could you _not_ find out about that?"

He groaned as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, opening the news app and scrolling down to find the story. "Here..." he passed the phone to Tuffnut, who went wide-eyed as he read the headline. _"Oh... uh..."_

* * *

 **Three Weeks Ago - _Ugly Thugs' assistant manager found guilty of attempted sexual assault on sous chef. Owner calls behaviour a "disgraceful betrayal" of restaurant's dignity._**

* * *

"Well... guess I can just... put this one away, then..." Tuffnut cleared his throat as he put the second file back in the briefcase and kept the first file open on the table. "Guess that means you guys are hired..."

 _"Uh..."_ Cami was itching the back of her head awkwardly. _"Y'know what, I think that I'm starting to have second thoughts ab..."_

"Fantastic! Thank you both so much..." Heather interrupted her as she stood up from her seat and shook Ruffnut's hand and then Tuffnut's. Cami looked at Heather with a face that seemed to silently say _are you fucking serious? We can do better than these dickheads!_

Heather gave a face in return that silently said _come on. Just shake the fucking hand. We can make this work. Please..._

Cami scoffed, forcing a grin onto her face as she shook the Thorston's hands at the same time. She clenched her fist in front of Hiccup as her smile became more genuine, prompting him to fist-bump her in return.

 _"So... we're in, then... I guess..."_ she put her hands in her pockets as she said this, before Heather said "so... when are we gonna start?"

"Uh... Monday...?" Ruffnut said, her tone of voice clearly hinting that she hadn't thought about this prior to Heather asking. The girls both shrugged, as Heather said "great... so... 8...?"

"Uh-huh... that's right..."

 _"Good. Guess we'll see you guys then... see ya..."_ Cami said nonchalantly, turning around dramatically as she headed towards the door. Heather chuckled awkwardly as she looked at the twins and Hiccup, waving silently as she quickly sped out the door after Cami.

"Huh... guess they seemed pretty nice..." Hiccup said, but neither of the twins were as enthusiastic as him. Ruffnut was twiddling her fingers rapidly, speaking through gritted teeth as she said "I think the blonde one has a bit of an attitude... but overall... they were pretty good..."

"I really hope they don't try to beat me up..." Tuffnut said with a slight hint of concern, prompting Hiccup to scoff as he said _"well, I really hope you don't try to rape either of them, Tuff..."_

* * *

As they walked to the centre of the parking lot, Heather punched Cami on the shoulder. "Thanks for nearly costing us that interview!"

 _"What? Ugh... oh, come on, Heather... the guy was going on a tangent with that **history of violence in the workplace** bullshit... it's almost like they didn't even want us there..."_

"Alright, the twins are an... an acquired taste, but... the accountant seemed pretty nice..."

 _"Pft... the one saving grace..."_ Cami snarked. _"Alright, we got the job, and we're going through with it... but I swear to Thor, Heather. If this isn't worth it..."_

"It _will_ be... I promise..." Heather said in an almost begging tone. "Besides, if you go past your breaking point, Cami, I'll be right there with you..."

She held her hand out to Cami, saying "we stick together..."

 _"Always…"_ Cami smiled as she held Heather's hand tightly. She then sighed, saying _"so... how long were we in there...?"_

"Uh..." Heather glanced at her watch: **9:47am**. "Uh... 17 minutes..."

 _"Ugh... guess we'd better call your bro for that pickup..."_


	12. Challenging

**Monday Morning - 7:55am**

"Alright. First day at _RBC_..." Dagur said in a faux-encouraging tone as he pulled up to the parking lot. Heather affectionately kissed his right cheek as usual, saying "we'll see you later, bro..."

She and Cami got out of the car, wearing their aprons as they went into the restaurant while Dagur drove away.

* * *

 **Morning Service - 11:23am**

Heather was whistling a tune to herself as she brought an order from the first lunch-based customer to the counter. She turned on the computer and prepared to type in the order. _**"HEATHER!"**_

 _"What?! What's wrong?!"_ she tensed quickly as she turned to face Tuffnut, who shoved her out of the way and snatched the order out of her hand. "I'm the only one who works the POS system... we can't trust anybody else with it but Hiccup, and he's not here, so it's just me... understand?"

Heather scoffed, before saying "Mr. Thorston, I've used a POS system at _all_ my previous jobs. So... I'd say I'm pretty experienced... maybe even an _expert_..."

Tuffnut had an eyebrow raised, saying "no offence, Heather, but that doesn't mean _**shit**_ here. You give me the orders. I type them in. Got it?"

Heather was taken aback by this, clearing her throat before nervously saying _"uh... sure. Yeah, no... no problem, Mr. Thorston... but... I was just wondering... wouldn't I be better in the kitchen with Cami and your sister? I mean... I did go to cul..."_

"And I'm just gonna stop you right there, Heather." Tuffnut had a hand on her shoulder as he said this. "I didn't hire you because of your culinary graduation. In fact, I hired you and Cami _in spite of_ it. Because you know why that is?"

"Um... do enlighten me..."

 _"I personally think people in culinary school are a bunch of overrated **dickheads** who don't know shit about what they're supposed to be so-called experts at doing. Look at Ruff. She didn't need a fancy cooking education, and sooner or later she's gonna be the best chef in the archipelago."_

 ** _"Ha ha ha ugh..."_** Heather had to disguise her small burst of laughter as a mere cough as she put her fist over her mouth. "I um... I _fully_ understand... thank you, sir..."

"And one more... _oh..._ actually, _two_ more things..." he said as she was about to go into the kitchen. She stopped to listen to him, before he said "I couldn't help but notice you've been taking some of the money from all of the bills paid by our customers at breakfast..."

 _"Oh, uh... you mean my tips?"_ she said in a slightly worried tone.

" _ **Tips?**_ Where in your contract did it mention tips, Heather?"

"Well, actually..."

" _Ah-ah-ah_ , no excuses, Heather... we need employees that we can trust, so they can trust us. Stealing from our profits when you already make better than minimum wage on hourly payment will be neither accepted or tolerated here..."

 _"B... but I... ugh... fine..."_ she sighed under her breath, not wanting to start an argument about this as she reached into her pocket and pulled out the total of $17.28 she'd received in tips that morning and handed them to Tuffnut.

"Your honesty is appreciated." he said as he opened the cash desk and put the money. She prepared to walk away again, before stopping herself a she said "oh, wait... what was the second thing?"

"Oh, yeah... Tuff or Tuffnut is just fine..."

 _"Right... sure thing, Tuff..."_ Heather snarked as she went into the kitchen. _**"Being the head chef of this kitchen is hard enough without a messy-haired little bitch insulting my work!"**_

She froze in the doorway as she saw Ruffnut speaking harshly to Cami, who had a straight, unimpressed look on her face as she nonchalantly chewed some gum.

Heather chuckled, sitting back to watch the rant that Ruffnut concluded with _**"so unless you wanna get fired, I suggest you keep your comments behind my back like a normal person! Okay?"**_

Cami chuckled, before saying _"sure..."_ in a blank, emotionless tone, which prompted Ruffnut to go back to her sweet demeanour as she said **_"great... now let's feed our hungry customers!"_**

* * *

 **9:57pm**

 _"Hey, guys!"_ Dagur said as he pulled up in front of the door. Heather got in the passenger seat and hugged her brother while Cami got in the back seat, before Dagur said _"so... how'd your first day go?"_

Heather and Cami somehow spoke perfectly in-sync as they said **_"oh, where do we begin?!"_**

* * *

 **Three Months Later - 10:37am**

 _Eyes open wide, blinded by the sun now_  
 _Orange and white, dark red, green and yellow_  
 _Rainbow colors! Do not hide, see the view!_  
 _Step aside, go through!_

Astrid groaned as she sat up in her bed and grabbed her phone off the table next to her. As she answered the call, she had to yawn before saying "ugh... talk to me, G..."

 _"Did you seriously just wake up now?"_ Gustav snarked from the other end, prompting her to groan as she lay back on the bed while still on the phone. "I had a shitty night on _HK_ , alright..."

* * *

 **Helheim's Kitchen - The Previous Night...**

Astrid was dragging Savage by the arm into the pantry away from the kitchen, furious after what she had seen him do during the service. He sat back nervously as she closed the door behind her. Even though he was somewhat taller than her, Astrid's temper clearly showed that she wasn't messing around here.

 _"Savage. I want you to tell me... honestly..."_ she snarled in a calm yet aggressive tone. _"Why were you cooking the food on a dirty tray...?"_

"Chef, I was doing the yak wellingtons on them before, and when you made me cook them again, I could not find any more tr..."

 _ **"And is that good enough for you, Savage?!"**_

"No, chef. It's a..."

 _ **"Is it fuck!"**_ she snapped.

"Sorry, ch..."

 _ **"You dirty, fucking pig!"**_

"Chef, I..."

 _ **"Clean the fucking trays when you're fucking using them!"** _she adamantly refused to let him finish his excuse. Savage nodded, trying to shuffle his way past her before she grabbed him by the arm and said _**"I'm not fucking finished!"**_

"Sorry, chef..." he said, before she leaned closer to his face and snarled _"I catch you doing something like that again, and you're fucking history! Y'hear me?"_

"Yes, chef..."

 _ **"Now get outta my fucking sight!"**_ she shrieked as Savage quickly ran back into the kitchen.

* * *

"Look, what do you want, Gustav?" she snapped impatiently. Gustav chuckled, before saying _"have you read through that portfolio yet?"_

"Uh-huh..." Astrid sighed under her breath as she looked at the other side of her bed, which was littered with files and pictures of restaurants on Berk. Gustav waited a few moments, before saying _"which one should we have you do first?"_

"Ugh... none of them..." Astrid sighed.

 _"Wait, what? Isn't all this about saving restaurants on the brink of collapse or something...?"_

"Well, yeah... but... but I dunno, Gustav. I mean, these restaurants, they... ugh.. they're just not _challenging_ enough for me... I mean, I don't wanna start fights with anybody, but... gods, I mean... doing these places'd just be playing it safe. If this show's gonna get some ratings, it's first season's gonna need some drama, y'know... something unexpected..."

 _"Alright, Astrid. I'll see what I can do..."_


	13. Surprises

**RBC - 9:30am**

 ** _"Alright, Tuff... Cami's gonna be cleaning up while I'm gone. I'll be back to open up for the lunch shift..."_** Ruffnut said into the phone as she passed Heather at the counter. Heather noticed that Ruffnut had changed out of her uniform into a stylish black top with cleavage and tight blue jeans.

Rather than ask her herself, Heather waited until Ruffnut had gone out the door to her car and Cami had come out of the kitchen to say _"where's she off to in such a hurry?"_

"She's going to visit Hiccup... _asking him out, apparently_..." Cami said in a disgusted tone as she saw Ruffnut's car driving away, pointing her index finger towards her open mouth to illustrate her point. "Still... been working here for three months and she's finally letting me have _some_ control in the kitchen, so that's a plus... _ugh..._ but poor Hiccup's gonna get the surprise of his life..."

 _"Yep... this is his lucky day..."_ Heather answered back in a sarcastic tone.

* * *

 **Dragon Island Apartment Block - 10:03am**

Once Hiccup had gotten out of the shower, he'd barely put on his jeans and gotten a shirt out of his closet when he heard a **_KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!_** on the door.

 _"Oh, crap... uh... **just a second!** "_ he called, holding his shirt in his hands as he ran out of the bedroom and went to open the door. He went wide-eyed as he saw Ruffnut standing there, with her eyes being wide-eyed as they remained fixated on his chest.

"Uh... _Ruff..._ um..." he quickly finished putting his shirt on, causing her attention to go back to his face as he added "what a, uh... what a _pleasant_ surprise..."

Ruffnut chuckled as she walked confidently past him and into the apartment, leaning one hand on the kitchen counter as she said "isn't it, though? _Hm..._ I think you'll find, Hiccup, that I'm just _full_ of surprises..."

 _"Pft... yeah, no kidding..."_ Hiccup scoffed under his breath as he shut the door. Ruffnut wasn't deterred by this, saying "y'know, Hiccup... there's probably not a boy in this entire Archipelago who wouldn't _love_ to be in your shoes..."

"Oh, really..." Hiccup snarked back with an eyebrow raised. "And why's that...?"

"Because, Hiccup Haddock, this is the day th... _wait... hang on..._ " Ruffnut took a brief break from her speech to look in the mirror on the wall, using the end of her tongue to flick a tiny bit of spinach that was hanging off one of her teeth. " _There we go..._ now, this is the day that one of your biggest dreams _finally_ comes true..."

"Right... and what exactly would you know about _my_ dreams, Ruff?" Hiccup asked as he picked up his laptop and went around the kitchen table, but Ruffnut remained confident as she sat down at the table and answered with "ha ha... _plenty..._ here, just picture this..."

Hiccup scoffed as Ruffnut put her feet up on the table, saying "nice, clean little house in the city... a wonderful dinner cooking in the oven..."

 _Pretty sure wonderful isn't the most accurate description for your cooking_ , Hiccup thought to himself as she continued.

"My good-looking, supportive lover easing my stress... while the little ones play on the floor with the dogs... and obviously, I'd have 2 or 3..."

 _"Dogs?"_

"Ha ha... no, Hiccup... talented, beautiful little _children_..." Ruffnut said, without a single hint of self-awareness. Just the thought of _her_ having offspring was unsettling enough to nearly make Hiccup wretch in disgust, but she had to make it worse.

"Maybe some adorable, _Messianic_ little girls like me..." Ruffnut gushed, before holding a very uncomfortable Hiccup's bicep and saying **_"or some strapping boys, like you!"_**

 _"Imagine that..."_ Hiccup rolled his eyes as forced his arm out of her hand and stood up from the table, walking around to the other end of the table to get away from Ruffnut. She suddenly shot up and latched her arms tight around his waist from behind, peeking her head over his shoulder and saying "you wanna take a guess who that good-looking, supportive lover of mine would be?"

 _"Well, I really hope it's a multiple choice question..."_

 ** _"You, that's who!"_** Ruffnut then said, and before she could give Hiccup a kiss on the cheek he managed to escape her hold.

"Well, Ruff, I'm... I'm _speechless_..." Hiccup tried to sound impressed as he turned back to face her and leaned back against the front door, Ruffnut grinning as she moved the chair out of her way and began walking over to him. "I just... I don't know to say..."

"Say you'll take me out to dinner on Friday..." as Ruffnut said this she had her hands pressed against the door on either side of Hiccup, preventing an escape.

She was somewhat thinner and quite a bit shorter than he was, but Hiccup couldn't deny the fact that he was intimidated, if not flat-out _scared_ , by this approach. Nevertheless, he kept a calm face as she leaned closer to him while he frantically fumbled his hands behind his back.

 _"Ruff... I'm sorry, but..."_ Hiccup's hand finally found the doorknob behind him, twisting it as he said _"but I just don't deserve you!"_

 ** _"AAAHHH!"_** Ruffnut fell face-first on the floor in the hallway as Hiccup quickly shut and locked the door, pressing himself against it for additional support in case it was needed.

 ** _PING!_** His phone buzzed on the table with a notification, the unique ringtone implying it was from Valka. _"Shit..."_ he murmured to himself, knowing that the message could have been urgent but also that moving away from the door could have left it vulnerable to Ruffnut.

Out in the hallway, Ruffnut moved her loose hair out of her eyes and looked at the door for a few moments, Hiccup looking through the peep-hole to watch her moves. Surprisingly, she seemed perfectly fine, almost _pleased_ , with this, scoffing casually before she said _"alright, Hiccup... I understand... guess that means I'm giving up... see you at the restaurant... bye-bye..."_

" _Hoo_... thank Thor..." he sighed in relief, before picking up the phone on the table.

 _Inbox: **1 unread message**... you have... **1**... new message from... **Mom**._

 _"Alright, Mom... what is it..."_ he scoffed to himself as he opened the message.

 _Morning dear._  
 _I was hoping you'd be able to come by, since we need to have a somewhat urgent discussion._  
 _Also, on a lighter note, I've a wee surprise to show you._  
 _X_


	14. Cleaners

**10:43am**

 _"So... what time do you expect Ruff to get back?"_ Heather asked as Cami casually lay down on top of the counter, having just finished cleaning the kitchen. Cami scoffed, saying "don't know. Don't care. Next question?"

 ** _"What do you mean you can't order car washers?!"_** Tuffnut yelled down the phone as he stormed into the dining area. **_"Take the car down there?... Well, I assume you get a free top up of gas, right?... You're not fucking serious, are you?... Yeah, yeah, up yours too, asshole!"_**

He hung up the phone and shoved it in his pocket, looking at the girls and saying **_"what are you two lying around on your asses for?! You got cleaning to do!"_**

"Already done it." Cami answered back bluntly. Heather shrugged innocently, saying _"yeah, um... if you wanna keep us occupied, Tuff... well... well, we could always open now... y'know, I could help Cami in the kitchen, it'd be just like back at Dra..."_

 ** _"Oh yeah, you'd love that, wouldn't you, Heather?!"_** Tuffnut suddenly snapped at her. **_"You'd love to make yourself the centre of attention all the time... well, we're not pushovers down here, Heather! So you can just shut your whiny little mouth!"_**

 _"Fine, fine, just... whatever, just forget that I asked..."_ Heather sighed as she stood back a few steps. Cami groaned as she got off the counter and said "alright, numb-nut... what do _you_ expect us to do, then?"

Tuffnut opened his mouth to say something, only to stop himself as he went slightly wide-eyed. He glanced around to the parking lot, seeing the dirty, muddy and worn automobile that was parked outside.

Cami and Heather had already figured out what he was going to say, with Cami crossing her arms and snarling through gritted teeth. **_"No... fucking... way..."_**

Tuffnut turned back to look at her with a smug, almost _sinister_ grin curled onto his face. "I think I got _just_ the job for you..."


	15. Worrier

**Stoick's Place - 12:37pm**

 _"Hey, mom..."_ Hiccup said without much thought as he was trapped in a hug with Valka. When she separated from him he was able to look at her face, which was slightly reddened and had notable bags under the eyes, with her smile looking slightly more forced than her natural grin. She'd been crying, he knew it, but it was clearly from a few hours ago and she'd been trying her best to cover it up in front of him.

 _"Mom...?"_

 ** _"Oh, aye. The surprise. This way, come on!"_** she frantically tried to sound happy as she took his hand and led him into the kitchen. _"Mom, I know something's wrong, so wh- **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!** "_

 _ **HOO! HOO!**_ once Hiccup's voice had startled it, the brown, winged being flew down from the beam on the ceiling, prompting Hiccup to duck as it flew over his head, swooping around them a few times before perching on Valka's arm as she laughed.

 _"Mom, what uh... ugh... what's with the owl...?"_ he said in a tone that was annoyed, confused _and_ surprised.

"This is one of my surprises for you, dear..." she laughed as she held up a small piece of meat for her winged companion to eat. "I'd like y'to meet _Cloudjumper_..."

 _"Uh... hi, I guess..."_ Hiccup said nervously as he edged closer, jolting back a bit as the owl turned it's head 180 degrees to face him. The bird seemed happy enough with him, hooting a little more gently before pecking affectionately at the boy's hair with his beak.

 _"Ow, stop it!"_ he said with a slight chuckle, with Valka laughing heartily as she said "aw, he likes you... I've always loved birds, haven't you, love?"

 _"Well... I think I'm more of a cat person, to be honest..."_ Hiccup cleared his throat and straightened his suit, before sighing as he took on a more stern appearance that prompted Valka to stop laughing. _"Mom... what's wrong...?"_

"Wrong? Oh, well... I have some... I've got some news..." she said slowly as she put Cloudjumper down, rubbing her arm as she looked away. She sounded upset, or at least a theatrical and almost fake kind of upset.

 _"What news?"_

"It..." Valka sighed as she put her hand to her face. "It was very big news... quite a bombshell... and it was about you, son..."

 _"What? Me? What... what's going on, huh? **Mom, what is going on?!** "_ Hiccup impatiently grabbed her and turned her around to face him. The worried look on her face suddenly turned into a mischievous, excited smile, a _real_ one this time.

"You're getting a promotion..."

 _"Wait, what?"_

 **"You're getting a promotion, darling!"** she wrapped him into another tight hug that almost crushed the wind out of him. When she finally released him, he was wheezing for breath and had to sit down to process everything he'd just been through. **"You, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, are officially the main representative for Bucket and Mulch Accounting's restaurant resources division. And I know it's a mouthful, but that's because a position that your boss Alvin has made _just_ for you, dear..."**

 _"Wait... official restauraunt... just hold on, there's... so... so there's nothing wrong?"_

 **"What? Of course there's nothing wrong, Hiccup!"** Valka sat next to him with an arm on his shoulder. "Oh for Thor's sake, you're always such a _worrier_ , son... alright, just because I give you a call and want to see my boy doesn't mean that I want or need something from you...this is _good_ news, Hiccup, loosen up, will you?!"

 _ **"Alright... okay, I get it..."**_ he groaned. _"But... you've been crying, I... you looked just like you did at Dad's funeral, we..."_

"Oh... just I because I cry doesn't mean I'm _upset_ about something, dear. That's human biology..." she kissed his cheek as she said this with her hand over her heart. _"When your friend Fishlegs called to tell me about, I was just so proud of you, and I know that your father'd be too, and I... oh, for the love of... ugh, well done, you've got me going again. Ha ha..."_

She dabbed her eyes before any more joyful tears could come out, prompting Hiccup to smile at her before she hugged him again. This caused him to let out a few of his own as he returned the hug this time. Valka laughed as she let go of him, saying "well... I think this calls for a wee celebration, don't you, dear..."

 _"Uh... ha ha... I guess so, yeah... whoa!"_ Hiccup jolted again as Cloudjumper flew over and sat on his knee, hooting affectionately as he rubbed his head on Hiccup's chest. He and Valka smiled as he stroked the back of the owl's head. _"Alright, Mom, I'll admit it... as far as birds go, Cloudjumper's pretty great..."_

"Aw, isn't he, though?"


	16. Celebration

**RBC - 15:38pm - One Week Later**

Hiccup had no intention of telling Ruffnut about his promotion, or anyone at _RBC_ just to be safe. But she'd somehow found out anyway, through the grapevine he presumed, and as such had insisted on holding the celebration at _RBC_. So when Hiccup came by that afternoon, he saw Heather and Cami putting up some tables and parasols outside in the empty parking lot. **"It looks great, you too!"**

 _ **"Hey, there you are!"**_ he wheezed for breath as Cami suddenly trapped him in a tight, rib-and-bone crushing embrace. When Cami finally released him, Heather gave him a notably less tight one as Cami said _"so... head of Bucket and Mulch Accounting's restaurant resources division. Sounds pretty cool..."_

"Uh, yeah, it is..." Hiccup separated from Heather as he added "apparently it was made just because of all the restaurants I've been working at since I started there, so... yeah, it's pretty cool..."

"Apparently, your mom found out about it even before _you_ did." Heather said. "Bet she was over the moon, huh?"

"Yeah, she's really happy for me... of course, she'd have probably preferred if I got a _girlfriend_ instead of a promotion..." he snarked back, though he hadn't expected Heather or Cami to laugh at it.

 _"That's actually pretty golden. Y'oughta start a toast with that..."_ Cami chortled out. Hiccup chuckled, glancing to the door to make sure Ruffnut wasn't there as he said "so... is Ruff letting you guys come here tonight too?"

Heather scoffed, saying "geez, Hiccup. She's our _boss_ , not our _owner_..."

"So..."

"That's a _yes_..."

"Great. I'll see you guys there tonight, then... just uh... tell Ruff I said _hi_ or something, okay?" Hiccup quickly got back on his bike and pedalled off.

* * *

 **20:47pm**

It was a small celebration, but that's just how Hiccup wanted it. Valka had already met Snotlout, Fishlegs and most of the people at the firm before, and some of the employees from the other restaurants Hiccup represented. So he decided to introduce her to the _RBC_ staff, though he preferred that she not cross paths with the owners. Not that it mattered, since Tuffnut was just sitting and drinking while Ruffnut sat inside her office in the building.

"Alright, Mom. This is Heather, the waitress, and this is Camicazi, the assistant to the head chef..."

 _"Ah, yes. It's lovely to meet you both, Hiccup's told me all about you."_ Valka shook both their hands. _"But I've always wondered and I'm sure he's too shy to ask... Hiccup's still single despite working with two lovely women like you... is he just not that attractive or are you both lesbians?"_

 _ **"Alright, Mom, that's enough!"**_ Hiccup quickly and frantically moved his mother away from them, silently mouthing _"I am so sorry!"_ to Heather and Cami as they both chuckled.

* * *

 **21:33pm**

Hiccup nervously cleared his throat as he prepared to speak. He was the tallest person there aside from his mother, so he didn't need a soapbox for everyone to look at him. **"Um... hi, I uh... I'd just like to thank everyone for coming here tonight..."**

He took a moment to find his words, saying **"so, um... well, I'm really honoured to have this promotion, and I really couldn't have done it without any one of you guys there, helping me, supporting me, and letting me help and support you in return..."**

 _"You're your father's son, boy!"_ Valka called from the crowd as he grinned at her, before remembering Cami's suggestion from earlier.

 **"As you can probably tell, my mom is really proud of me for this, though I'm sure she's far more concerned about me getting a _girlfriend_..."** he added as everyone laughed. Cami's laughter was loudest and most noticeable among the crowd, and Hiccup was able to notice Heather nudging her to get her to calm down a bit.

When the laughter died down, Hiccup said **"but... truth be told, I may be the representative of Bucket And Mulch Accounting's restaurant resources division, but tonight isn't really about me... tonight's about celebrating, making new partnerships and forging a better future..."**

He raised his glass as everyone else raised theirs. **"So... let me welcome you into the fold..."**

The crowd applauded before he shyly stepped down and let the party get back on. _Hoo..._ he thought to himself. _That coulda gone a lot worse..._


	17. Toast

**Dining Area - 10:30pm**

The party was over before eleven since most people had to work the next day, which was music to Hiccup's ears since he'd just about stopped going to New Year's Eve parties because of how out on control they could get after the midnight countdown. Valka, Heather, Cami and his colleagues had all gone home and Tuffnut was just about passed out on one of the tables, so he decided out of the good in his heart to thank the head chef for organising the celebration.

 _"Ruff.. hey, Ruff, y'in here?"_ he called as he walked into the room, noticing Ruffnut sitting at the counter under the only ceiling light that was on.

"Oh, hey, it's Super-Accountant!" she said as she noticed him.

 _"Pft... aw, come on, don't flatter me..."_

"It's not flattery, it's true..." Ruffnut was holding a bottle in her hand. "Can I interest you in a whiskey...?"

 _"Aw, Ruff I appreciate it, but... but I've probably had a little too much already..."_

"You're not driving, are you?"

 _"Well, I don't have a car and my bike's at the apartment, so no... I'll probably just... I don't know, get a cab or something like that..."_

"Then I _insist_..." Ruffnut quickly got out two glasses and put them on the counter, filling them with the whiskey from the bottle and giving one to Hiccup.

He took a deep breath, before taking the glass from her. _"Uh... ha ha... it's not poisoned, is it?"_

They both laughed, but Ruffnut managed to shake her head playfully, holding up her own glass and saying "here's to your promotion..."

 _"Here's to a bright future for us all..."_ he said back as he clinked his glass against hers as they both said "cheers".

Hiccup, not being entirely used to drinking, took a little longer to finish his drink than Ruffnut did, breathing a little heavier than before as he said _"well... ha ha... guess I gotta get used to drinking that kind of alcohol, huh...?"_

"Well, of course, you're the head of Bucket and Mulch Accounting's restaurant resources division now. We're both going up in the world, Hiccup... _you and me_..."

 _"Yeah, I guess... it's just... well, it's all happening so fast, I... it's a lot to take in, y'know... to be honest, it might just be the drink talking, but I'm not sure if I can han..."_

"Hey, don't deprecate yourself..." Ruffnut patted him comfortingly on the shoulder. "You're one of the most loyal, hardworking, honest people in this archipelago. Berk's restaurant industry _needs_ you, and you _deserve_ this, Hiccup..."

 _"Well, I uh... wow, I just... I never thought I'd hear something so nice from you, Ruff..."_

"Pft... isn't that charming!"

 _"Well, yeah, cause... well, I always used to think you were just a pain in my ass, Ruff, but... to hear you say something actually encouraging to me with nothing to gain from it feels really good... I've misjudged you, Ruff. I'm sorry but I have, and now I know I have... I guess that kinda comes from being a worrier, I guess, but all you guys at RBC, and the firm, you've all just been so supporting of me and good to me, and while I don't always show it I always appreciate it..."_

As he gushed, he hadn't noticed Ruffnut was now getting much closer to him than she was before, the two of them practically being face-to-face as Hiccup said _"wow, just... just thank you so much, Ruff... I just... I just wish I could find a way to express my gratitude to ev..."_

He barely had time to look up at Ruffnut as she grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and dragged him forwards, planting a deep kiss on his lips. It wasn't aggressive as such, but it was _definitely_ forceful, and it took Hiccup entirely by surprise.

He struggled to get her off of him, eventually grabbing both of her shoulders and frantically pushing her back. **_"Ruff, what the fuck?! What the fuck were y..."_**

"You're _very_ welcome..." Ruffnut chuckled, before Hiccup stuttered in a frantic, terrified tone as he pulled himself away from her. _"Uh... no, no, I... we're not d..."_

" _Pft..._ it's okay, Hiccup..."

 _" **No, it's not okay! Alright!** Look, I... I shouldn't be doing this, I shouldn't even be here at all!"_

"Hiccup, we're completely alone. No one's gonna come in and see us... now come here, handsome..."

 _"No, this isn't right, I... I've had a drink, this is my fault, I..."_

"Relax, sweetie... this _is_ allowed..." Ruffnut said, still having little to no respect for Hiccup's personal space. "We're fine to do this..."

 _"But... but no, I... ugh... **oh, I'm such an idiot!** "_ Hiccup slapped his forehead, before adding _"look, Ruff... believe it or not, I have a lot of respect for you, and I c..."_

"I respect you too, Hiccup... as a colleague, an accountant... and a _very_ good looking guy..."

 _"No, you... y-y-you misunderstood me, Ruff..."_

Ruff had an eyebrow raised with a smug, ignorant grin as she said "Hiccup... I don't think I did..."

 _"No, Ruff, you did. Okay, and it's my fault, but..."_

"I just wish I could find a way to express my gratitude?" Ruffnut quoted him exactly.

 _"Okay... n-no, I didn't mean it like that, Ruff... I meant..."_

"Gods, Hiccup, just relax for once..." Ruffnut had her arms on Hiccup's shoulders again, tightening her grip slightly so that he had to struggle more to get away from her. "Tonight's about _celebrating_... making new _partnerships_... forging a better _future_... _let me welcome you into the fold_..."

She went in for another kiss, but Hiccup escaped from her as he said _"no, Ruff... okay, this is not a good idea..."_

"If you don't want someone coming in, we can always use the office..."

 ** _"I don't want this! At all!"_** he snapped in a slightly more aggressive but still nervous tone.

"Come again?"

 _"I don't want this with you, Ruff! Look, I'm sorry if I made you think otherwise, but I'm not interested in you in that way!"_

"You're not?" Ruffnut had an eyebrow raised again, hinting that she was still far from convinced.

 _"No, Ruffnut. I'm not."_

"Oh, just fucking give up the act already, Hiccup. I got your hints. Okay, you don't have to play dumb with me anymore..."

 _"What hints?"_

"How many times has your lack of a girlfriend just _slipped_ into conversation here?"

 _"That wasn't about you!"_

"Like you haven't been flirting with me since day one... answering the door with no shirt on, calling me Cleopatra..."

 _"That was being sarcastic, Ruff!"_

"I could tell you were making an effort not to introduce me to your mom tonight..."

 _"That's because I..."_ Hiccup stopped himself. The last thing he needed to do was offend Ruffnut even more, so he said _"I forgot..."_

"And let's not pretend that you weren't playing hard to get that day I actually came over to ask you out..."

 _"I wasn't playing hard to get! Gods, you're fucking delusional!"_

"Oh, so I'm a _fascist_ now?"

 _"Wait, what?!"_ Hiccup was taken aback by this, waiting a moment before saying _"oh, right... the word is **fantasist** , and, to be honest, yes, you probably are one..."_

"Oh shut up, Hiccup... alright, y'put up a good fight, your honour is still intact, whatever..." Ruffnut took off her suit jacket and unbuttoned her shirt to give herself some cleavage as she got closer to Hiccup while he walked backwards. "But don't play the fool... you want this just as much as I do..."

 _"I think I'll get that cab now..."_ Hiccup's words caused Ruffnut to freeze on the spot, as he quickly took out his phone and pressed the button on the app, prompting it to read _**Your Windwalker Taxi Service Will Be Arriving In Two Minutes**_.

 _"Goodbye, Ruffnut..."_ he added in a stern, professional tone as he turned and went at a brisk pace to the door.

"Well, that's a funny way of expressing your _gratitude_..." Ruffnut called back in a calm yet spiteful tone, which caused Hiccup to pause at the half-open door and look back at her. _"Excuse me...?"_

"But I guess now you got what you wanted... you don't need little old me anymore now, d'you, Hiccup?"

 _"Ruff, I..."_

"When I brought you here, you were nothing more than a whiny accountant. Do you think it's fucking easy, having to put up with your nagging, critical bullshit, 24/7?!"

 _"I chose to come here..."_

"And now you got your big fucking promotion! Good for you! No need for little old me anymore, right? Just fucking go, then! See how far you get! It was saving RBC that got you that promotion, and you know it!"

 _"It really wasn't, Ruff..."_ the glare he gave her was both annoyed and disgusted, which finally infuriated Ruffnut enough to snap.

 _ **"Go ahead, then! Fuck off and see how far you get without RBC! Stupid halfwit bastard! See if you can make it ten feet on your-don't! Alright, don't you look at me like that, Hiccup!"**_ she pointed an accusing finger at him as her anger was let out. _**"I am not a bad person! Not even close! But I know who the bad people are, and you think you can just... just line me up with those assholes! That rapist who attacked Heather, that Merida who kept stealing our money!"**_

 _"She w..."_

 _ **"I have worked... tirelessly! Long before I met you, I've been working my ass off against bullies and haters to get this restaurant up, and for what?! To be... to be painted as a fucking monster?! Am I not owed anything? Don't I deserve some kind of reward?... A woman who works without recompense isn't a fantasist, Hiccup, she's a fucking slave!"**_

 _"That's kinda..."_

 _ **"I will not be lectured by the likes of you, Hiccup Haddock! I'm not a bad person! I'm a stressed out, lonely woman and that's somehow enough for an ignorant prick like you to condemn me!"**_

 _"I..."_

 _ **"All you do is make enemies out of friends, cause you're a pathetic little shit and that's all you'll ever be!"**_

She struck a nerve there, and Hiccup had to clench his fist and bite his bottom lip to stop himself from breaking down right there. _**"Just get the fuck out of my sight! You're fired!"**_

 _"Too late..."_ he sighed as he opened the door where the headlights of the cab were illuminating the parking lot. _"I quit..."_


	18. Stressed

**Two Months Later - 8:33am**

 _ **"I JUST WANT THIS TO END!"**_ Hiccup was stressed. There was no doubt about it.

The past couple of months had been a nightmare, as close to hell on Midgard as you could get. His skin was pale-white and the bags under his eyes were like anchors that dragged him down into a hunch, making him look almost like a ghost as he rose slowly out of the bed.

Between the night of the celebration and this morning he'd likely gotten less combined sleep than most people got in one night. And anyone could tell that his work had taken a direct hit because of this. He'd been nearly falling asleep at work, failing to meet deadlines and missing meetings with clients who's businesses in turn were affected without his proper influence.

 _Stoick's Place_ had suffered the most for this, and it was making money almost as often as one could get blood from a stone. Hiccup couldn't bear to face Valka with this. She'd been as close to having a mental breakdown as he was now, and she'd been refusing to listen to anyone but him and he ironically had anything but the answers she needed.

And all the while, Ruffnut's words from that night rang like a loud, nagging, furious bell in the back of his head.

 ** _"You're a pathetic little shit and that's all you'll ever be!"_**

It was these words that kept him up at night. Though he doubted that he'd be able to sleep anyway with the constant _**PING! PING! PING!**_ noises going off on the bedroom table all night.

His laptop inbox and his phone were practically full to bursting with notifications or messages, half of them from his almost-equally-stressed mother and clients with the other half being from Ruffnut. This morning, however, he'd filtered the messages by sender and learned that it was just over half.

Being good with numbers, it didn't take him long to deduce that it was currently 56% of the inbox she had taken up.

The messages from that morning alone were fired in rapid succession, starting off as they always did. Sappy and apologetic, then desperate when he didn't reply, then being angry when he _still_ didn't reply, and _then_ being sappy and apologetic _for_ being desperate and angry.

* * *

 _ **7:15** \- Hey Hic. Baby, I really would like to apologise this time. I know you're very easy to upset, but I should have known better. I really want to bury the hatchet. Please... X_

 _ **7:18** \- So, I notice you didn't read or reply to this yet. It's there, y'know... just get back to me, okay? X_

 _ **7:20** \- Still sitting here waiting, sweetheart. I've got a business to run, so it'd be nice if you didn't waste my time, LOL. This is Ruff, BTW, X_

 _ **7:25** \- Come on... please pick up... any time now... still waiting X_

 _ **7:38** \- Okay, are you fucking kidding me! I take precious time out of my day to try and get through to your whiny little pussy ass and you don't even have the respect to even read my fucking apology! It's not like you're fucking busy! Yeah, I've heard about your Mom's business, because you're a terrible son, a terrible accountant and an even shittier person! Guess making you quit was the best thing I ever did! You're a waste of space, a waste of time and a waste of phone data! Why don't you spare me the time I spend texting you every day and fucking kill yourself! At least then, you might actually have some Thor-forsaken balls! Fuck you!_

 _ **8:02** \- I am so sorry for saying all those horrible things to you, Hiccup. I was being silly, stupid and I've been really stressed out over the last few days. Please, just talk to me, I can't take this anymore!_

 _ **8:03** \- X_

* * *

"Pft... never thought _Ruffnut_ would have a good idea..." he snarked to himself as he looked at the small bundle of thin rope that was sitting curled up on the coffee table. He had no memory of what possessed him to buy this rope at the hardware store on the way home the night before, with his insomnia not helping at all, but seeing Rufnut's third-to-last text was suddenly helping him to piece some things together.

 _We can't do that! What the fuck? Suicide! The coward's way out? Seriously?_ one side of his brain said to him, before the other side argued _Ruff may be a psycho bitch, but even a broken clock is right two times a day! Face it, she's right! We can't handle this shit! We never should have gotten this fucking promotion! Mom's losing business, Ruff's still stalking us and we can't do shit about it! It's not the coward's way if it's the only way, is it?!_

He sighed as he sat on the couch, staring intently at the rope on the coffee table before picking it up and holding it in his hands. Looking up at the tightly secured ceiling fan hanging above him, he gulped nervously, before saying "I... I guess not..."

 _We all want to grow with the seeds we will sow  
_ _We all want to go with the breeze we will blow  
_ _We all want to know when we're all meant to go  
_ _To a place you will know, so_

 _ **"SHIT! MOM!"**_ he knew he couldn't ignore this, since it was a call instead of a text. He threw the rope on the floor and darted into the bedroom, grabbing the phone and answering it. _"Hiccup...?"_

"Mom! Mom, what's wrong?"

 _"Son, are y'alright? I've not spoken to you in a month. You're never at your office when I go and you're never in your apartment when I go! Y'had me worried sick, where have you been, boy?"_

"Mom, I just..." Hiccup grabbed the rope again and threw it into the bedroom closet. "Ugh... whatever... what's wrong...?"

 _"Well, nothing's really changed, if you're interested. But Gobber's here with me now, Hiccup. And I think he might have a solution..."_

"Solution?"

 _"Aye. Come over in about an hour, will you? Love you, dear."_ Valka hung up, leaving a still bewildered Hiccup sitting on his bed. He tried to think about what the "solution" Gobber was proposing could be, but what he needed to focus more on was getting dressed and cleaned up to meet them.


	19. Rescue

**Stoick's Place - 9:45am**

"Hofferson's Kitchen Flightmares?" he was absolutely bewildered by this, sitting back in his chair as Gobber and Valka sat side-by-side on the other side of the table. He took at least ten seconds of silence to add "you're not serious, right?"

 _"Course I am... why wouldn't I be, lad?"_ Gobber laughed while Valka twiddled her thumbs nervously. _"Hiccup, I've been working on this Flightmares show since I left this place, remember?"_

"Yeah, I remember..."

 _"Right, so it's like this... so, every week, Chef Hofferson goes to struggling restaurants, like this one, and she helps the owners to make them successful..."_

"Okay..."

 _"Turns out, she's been a wee bit disappointed with the restaurants she's been given for her first series. Apparently, she wants to face some real challenging places to boost ratings, and I think she's also a wee bit bored with them herself... she likes the tough ones, y'see..."_

"Tough ones? Pft... Gobber, are y'implying that I'm difficult to work with?" Valka scoffed, trying to sound humorous but her tone still sounding slightly offended. Gobber gulped and scratched his neck nervously, saying _"oh no, of course not. I mean... not you personally, Val, but ol' Stoick's Place itself'd be a wee bit of a challenge for her, in my honest opinion, that is..."_

"Look, I just... ugh... I dunno..." Hiccup sighed as they both looked at him. His left hand was shaking slightly as he used it to take off his glasses and used his right hand to rub the bridge of his nose. "Mom, I just don't want us to make a scene on television, that's all..."

Valka nodded nervously, before saying "I know what you're concerned about, Hiccup... but, y'have to understand this is probably the best chance we've got... I mean, I know you're trying your hardest, Hiccup, but... well, since you got this promotion your head's been all over the place, I can tell..."

Hiccup put his glasses back on, hoping that they would help cover up his misty eyes as he tried to look at his mother. She took his hand gently, saying "I never wanted to distress _you_ over this, son... I don't want to be your problem, Hiccup, and I don't have to be..."

He sighed as he slowly pulled his hand away from his mother's, exhaling before he said "alright... alright, okay, I just... yeah... hm..."

Valka and Gobber both kept their eyes on him as he thought about what to say, before Hiccup finally looked back at them. He tried to get a smile out, saying "alright, Mom... if you think this is for the best, then... then you should go through with it..."

 _"So... does that mean I should let her know...?"_ Gobber asked as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a phone. Hiccup had an eyebrow raised, chuckling a bit as he said "pft... yeah... yeah, alright..."

 _ **"Righty-oh!"**_ Gobber shot out of the chair and went outside. Valka held Hiccup's hand again, smiling gently at him as he sighed a bit, before they both heard Gobber outside.

 _"Miss Hofferson! Gobber here... and have I got good news for you, lass!"_


	20. In Your Eyes - Advertisement

**2:56pm**

Hiccup sat on his bed, reading through the book Gobber had given him. He hadn't lied when he said it was quite an interesting read, but Hiccup still had mixed feelings about putting _Stoick's Place_ on her show.

 _She's gonna walk out on us the second she sees what Mom's like_ one side of his brain thought, before the other argued _but she's their best shot. Who's gonna help Mom with the restaurant if not Chef Hofferson? It's clear enough that we're not qualified, isn't it?_

"Ugh... yeah..." Hiccup groaned softly, before that side thought _besides, don't we have some suicide to attend to?_

 _No! Not yet!_ the first side protested. _We can't have Mom finding out about that with all this shit happening, it'll mess her up!_

 _Yeah, you're right, actually_ the second side thought. _Assuming this Flightmares thing works out, we should wait until it's over then..._

 _Exactly!_ the first side thought. _At least then we can die knowing Mom's well off without us, right?_

"Hm... right..." Hiccup closed the book and put it down, groaning heavily as he finally started to put a plan together in his head. "Chef Hofferson's gonna be there for a week... the night it's over, this can be too..."

His ears suddenly pricked up as he heard the familiar yet distant sound of a synthesised piano with light drum percussion, putting the book down and getting off the bed to see where it was coming from. The song, _In Your Eyes_ by Peter Gabriel, was playing from outside, prompting him to look out his bedroom window down to the parking lot.

 _"Oh, for gods' sake..."_ he groaned as he saw Ruffnut standing on the roof of her car, holding up the boombox that the song was playing from.

 _Love  
I get so lost, sometimes_

 _"Ruff, are you **serious** right now?!"_ he called down to her. She had a smile on her face, one that was clearly trying to be seductive but ultimately came off as desperate and cringe-worthy.

 ** _"I made mistakes!... I wanna take them back!"_** she called up as the music kept playing. _**"You trusted me... I took that trust... and I turned it into a glory hole in an airport bathroom. The one in Outcast Island... you know the one..."**_

 _"Pft..."_ Hiccup scoffed under his breath as he walked away from the window and sat back on his bed. He knew she was still there, since she clearly wasn't the type to give up easily, before she groaned and kept shouting up to him.

 _ **"Hiccup! I wouldn't ask for your help unless it was life or death! Our restaurant needs your help! Dammit, I know you're listening!"**_

 _"Hey! Quiet down and bugger off!"_ Hiccup ran to the window again as he heard Mildew shouting down from the apartment above him. Ruffnut was caught off-guard by this, before she snapped _**"put a cork in it and mind your own business, you old cunt!"**_

 _"Sorry, Mildew!"_ Hiccup called up to him. _"She's leaving... just don't worry, she's leaving..."_

Mildew nodded, before going back into his apartment and shutting the window. Hiccup looked back down at Ruffnut with an annoyed scowl on his face. _"Ugh... Ruff, just leave me alone, okay?"_

 _In your eyes, the light, the heat  
_ _In your eyes, I am complete_

 _ **"Now... where was I? Uh... oh, yeah... Hiccup! Look, I know I don't deserve your friendship or your help. But the restaurant does... and I'm not gonna bail on it like everyone else... if you come back, Hiccup, I promise... I will never breach our professional, working relationship again... please, come on!"**_

 _"No way... leave now before somebody, like me, calls the police!"_ Hiccup snapped as he went back inside again. He could hear Ruffnut groaning furiously outside, before she said _**"well... that's just fine, then! Yeah, that's fine! No!"**_

 _"Ugh..."_ Hiccup scoffed to himself as he closed his eyes and put his hands over his ears, though Ruffnut's voice was somehow even louder and even more obnoxious than before.

 _ **"Y'know what, Hiccup? Doing the right thing is sometimes messy, and fucked up, and not particularly convenient! So you can stay here in Chateau de Virgin... while we go get our fuck on!"**_

He finally heard the music come to a stop and a car's tires violently screeching as she drove off. He exhaled in relief, slightly hopeful that one of his nightmares might be over.

But not _too_ hopeful.

* * *

 _ **TONIGHT, ON BBS (Berk Broadcasting System)...**_

 _ **Chef Hofferson goes head-to-head with the most stubborn woman that she's met yet.**_

 _ **And soon unearths a hidden world of dirty little secrets that have been plaguing Stoick's Place for the last few years.**_

 _ **Astrid cooks up a rescue plan, but the owner's widow soon starts fighting back.**_

 _ **Can Chef Hofferson save Stoick's Place and the people working in it? Or did this restaurant and it's reputation die with it's founder?**_

 _ **STAY TUNED FOR HOFFERSON'S KITCHEN FLIGHTMARES... ONLY ON BBS!**_


	21. Interviews - Prelude

_**This... is Berk. It's twelve days North of Hopeless, a few degrees South of Freezing To Death, and located solidly on the Meridian of Misery. It's also a great location for a restaurant, but Stoick's Place is on the brink of financial ruin.**_

* * *

 **VALKA:** _Well, my husband Stoick put this place on the map before we were even married. So, um... aye, we got betrothed, and when I was let off from my job as a history teacher, I needed to support the baby we had on the way, so... I became the assisstant to the Head Chef, which was Stoick..._

* * *

"Right. Elsa..." Valka went into the kitchen, passing the new waitress that was sitting at the counter. "I'm going to take out that casserole, so can you just feed Cloudjumper while you're here?"

"Uh... yeah, sure thing, Val..." Elsa answered as Valka passed her the owl's bowl, which had a small pile of raw meat in it. Elsa was mildly put off by this, but kept a smile on her face as Valka left, taking it to where Cloudjumper's cage was.

 _"Who's a good birdie... huh?... who's a good boy..."_ she gently whispered as she turned up the latch. Cloudjumper poked his head from the opened cage door, staring down at the bowl that she had put down in front of it.

 _ **BEEDLE-EEP! BEEDLE-EEP!**_ The phone on the desk suddenly rang, prompting Elsa to run back to grab it while leaving the owl unoccupied.

"Hello, thank you for calling _Stoick's Place_. How can I help you...?"

* * *

 **VALKA:** _When Stoick passed away, I naturally took control of the place, while our lad went on to become a restaurant-only accountant, ha ha... I've tried to keep it as much like his original vision as I could, really... am I a good chef? Well... aye... yes, I think I am..._

* * *

 _ **"Argh! For Thor's sake!"**_ Valka tensed her burnt hand back as the front component of the grill came undone, letting it clatter clumsily onto the floor as she stepped back from it. _**"Elsa! Elsa, the bloody grill's broken! I thought we just got this bastard thing fixed!"**_

* * *

 **HICCUP:** _My mom is a little... well... let's say easy to stress, and unless it was from my dad, she tends to hate being corrected or told that she's wrong... I, for one, have never ever lost an argument with her._

* * *

Having left his opened cage, Cloudjumper looked curiously at the camera that had been set up in front of the table, tapping it lightly with his beak before Elsa grabbed the back of his neck to pull him towards his bowl, putting down the phone she'd just finished talking in to.

 _ **"Elsa! Elsa!"**_ Valka stormed out of the kitchen, with Elsa turning to face her long enough for Cloudjumper to clamp his beak onto her hand.

* * *

 **ELSA:** _Valka is a good person at heart, and I know she cares about us, and the restaurant, but... as someone with a history of emotional health issues, I can tell that she's not good at handling the problems that befall the restaurant. She obsesses over every single little problem, no matter how big, and it's actually the smaller issues that she can't let go... and this can make her very difficult to work with..._

* * *

 _ **"Ugh! Son of a bitch, that hurt!"**_ Elsa shrieked out as she grabbed her bitten hand while Valka put Cloudjumper back in his cage and shut it. Her breathing was already begin to get quicker and harder, before Elsa looked into the kitchen and screamed at the fire that was vomiting out of the broken grill.

* * *

 **ELSA:** _And I haven't told Hiccup this, but... but she's been having panic attacks... and they're pretty bad..._

* * *

While Elsa grabbed the fire extinguisher to put out the blaze, she was unable to stop Valka from fainting as all her anxieties finally got to her, collapsing hard on the ground while Cloudjumper struggled frantically in his cage.

 _ **"Val? VAL!"**_

* * *

 **VALKA:** _I will admit that at my worst I can be... well... I can be a bit of a handful. But, when I need it, I'm not too proud to ask for help..._

* * *

 ** _Coming up... Chef Hofferson arrives... at Stoick's Place..._**


	22. Arrival

**Day 1 - 12:34pm - Lunch Time**

Astrid casually walked down the street with her coat slung over her shoulder, whistling a tune to herself as she looked up at the sign. _"Hm... Stoick's Place, huh?..."_

* * *

 ** _Astrid Hofferson has just one week to uncover the problems, to devise a plan, and to turn this restaurant around..._**

* * *

After taking a minute to figure out which door was actually the entrance, Astrid found herself standing alone in the middle of the dining room. The carpet on the floor was finely stitched to resemble the dark scales of a mythical Night Fury dragon, and all the small square tables that were scattered around the room had two chairs directly facing one another, with white silk table cloths and red table runners.

 _"Hm... it actually looks kind of nice... kind of a retro, fine-dining look to it..."_ she said as she glanced around, before her little grin dropped at the sight of the main desk. _"Ugh... but I don't think anybody could eat in here with that ugly little fucker sitting over there..."_

It was an handmade statue, about three feet tall and sitting on the desk next to the phone. It seemed to be a sculpture of one of the ancient stone sentries that had stood in front of the island since Vikings first sailed there, complete with the big toothy grin and curved, pointy horns. It was impressively made and painted, no doubt about that, but it looked horribly out of place and clashed brutally with the rest of the restaurant's aesthetic.

 _"Okay, so... where is everybody...?"_

A few moments of silence passed before she grumbled to herself and called out **_"hello!... Anybody here? Uh... I did say I was coming, y'know!"_**

* * *

 **HICCUP:** _I just really, really hope that Chef Hofferson can fix this. Because, well... this is kind of my... uh... I mean... it's the restaurant's last chance, really..._

* * *

She leaned back against the chair and looked at the window away from the desk, wiping her bangs out of her eyes and crossing her arms impatiently. After a few more moments of this silence, her attention was caught by the faint but growing sound of frantic footsteps coming from the other room, and could feel the presence of someone finally skidding to a halt behind her.

 _ **"Oh, shi... sssssshhhhhh-Chef Hofferson, you're here!"**_

She scoffed casually as she checked one of nails for dirt, turning to face the voice as she said _"yes, that's me. I'm Astrid H... ooh..."_

Her eyes went a little wider as she froze for a moment, having been caught completely off-guard by the young and thin, yet lanky and tall gentlemen standing in front of her. He was hunched slightly and rubbing one of his arms, seemingly being the kind of man who wasn't used to having conversations with people in general, much less a celebrity chef. His tussled brown hair was a total mess and his glasses sat at a slightly off-point angle on his face, most likely because he'd rushed from wherever he was once he'd heard her.

Usually, this was the last type of person Astrid would consider herself to be attracted to, but she had to admit... he was kind of _cute_... and _handsome_... and _gorgeous_... and now was probably the best time to stop biting her bottom lip and staring at him like a stalker. "Uh... Chef Hofferson, are you uh... y'okay?"

 _"Hm? Oh, right, yeah..."_ she shook her head and snapped back into reality, clearing her throat and holding out her hand as she said _"so, uh... you're the son, right?"_

"That's uh... yeah, right..." he took her hand and shook it, adding "I'm Hiccup... Hiccup Haddock. I'm also the accountant, if it's worth anything..."

 _"Great. Is your uh... is your mom here?"_

 _ **"Aye! She is! Right here!"**_ the woman suddenly called as she ran out of the kitchen, nearly running right into her son as she skidded to a halt. She cleared her throat and extended her hand, letting Astrid shake it as she said "top of the morning... how are you?"

 _"I'm uh... yeah, I'm good, thanks. Great..."_ Astrid was slightly put off by this woman, but nevertheless kept herself polite and professional as she said _"and uh... and you are... Valka, right?"_

"I am indeed... Valka Haddock..."

 _"Great. So... I..."_ Astrid reached into her back pocket and pulled out her phone, looking at her notes as she added _"I see this place was opened by your husband about twenty-seven years ago... correct?"_

"Uh-huh..." Hiccup said as Valka nodded and added "aye, twenty-seven... twenty-eight in about a month's time..."

 _"Right... and how long's it been quiet for..."_

"Well, um... it's a wee bit hard to talk about, really..." Valka fondled one of her braids nervously. "Since my husband... since my husband died about two and a bit years ago..."

 _"Oh... oh, gods, I... I'm really s...ugh..."_ Astrid took a few steps back, not even bothering trying to apologise since she knew it'd just make it worse. After a few moments of even more awkward silence, she glanced at Hiccup a few brief times, before clearing her throat with a smile as she said _"okay... well, I, uh... I guess I'll just go sit down in the restaurant and... and I'll take a look at your menu..."_

"Oh... of course, Miss Hofferson. My son will sit y'down..." Valka went back to her cheery demeanour as Hiccup held the door open for Astrid, who chuckled a bit as she passed him and went to sit back down in the dining area.

* * *

 _ **Coming up... Chef Hofferson tries Chef Valka's cuisine...**_


	23. Taste

**12:38pm**

"Uh... oh, here, let me get that for you..." Hiccup quickly grabbed the chair Astrid's coat was on and pulled it back for her.

 _"Oh, thank you, you're... hm... you're such a gentleman..."_ Astrid smiled at him as she sat down and let him push the chair back in for her. She waited until he'd darted back into the kitchen to turn to the camera her crew had stationed on the table.

* * *

 **ASTRID:** _Okay... I think it's safe to say that first impressions are a mixed bag so far... things got a little awkward with the chef and there's an awful lot of unintentional contrasts in the look of the place. But her son's pretty hot, ha ha... oh gods, that's inappropriate, uh... you can cut that last part, right?_

* * *

"Ah-hem... Miss Hofferson..." she looked up to see the platinum-blonde who was standing next to the table with two folded menus in her arms.

 _"Oh, you're the waitress, huh?"_

"That's right, I'm Elsa. And these are the lunch and dinner menus..." she said as she passed them to Astrid. After taking a moment to read through one of the menus, having not even bothered to distinguish which menu it actually was, she muttered to herself with some frustration.

 _"Brie... sunflower seeds... with chocolate side... all on one dish? Ugh... so tell me, Elsa, is there anything that's just... uh... well I dunno, just plain on here?"_

"Well, uh... I think it's all okay... most of it, anyway..."

 _"Hm, right..."_ Astrid grumbled under her breath. _"Is the crab fresh?"_

"No, it's canned."

 _"It's canned?"_

"Uh-huh..."

 _"Guess we'll **can** that one then, huh?"_ Astrid snarked with a grin while Elsa resisted the urge to chuckle. _"So... baby spinach salad with strawberries, yak's cheese, asparagus, hard-boiled egg and grilled garlic shrimp... wait... strawberries and shrimps?"_

"That's right."

 _"Really?"_

"Yeah."

 _"Gods..."_ Astrid took a moment to pinch the bridge of her nose, groaning as she folded the menu with a smile. She handed it back to Elsa, saying _"alright... I'll start with that one for the appetiser please..."_

"Absolutely..." Elsa nodded as she took the menus off of her and brought them into the kitchen.

* * *

 **ASTRID:** _It may just be unconventional, but I can't help but question a chef's perception of food when they start to put strawberries with fresh garlic shrimps..._

* * *

 **13:10pm**

Astrid couldn't deny the effort that had gone into making the dish look presentable. The cut strawberry halves were placed around the edges of the circular plate with the shrimps placed in between each of them, while strawberries and shrimps together were piled onto the egg in the middle of the plate and topped with asparagus, spinach and a sprinkle of cheese.

It looked nice, but nice to look at as a work of art rather than nice to eat as an appetiser. After a few moments of looking at it, Astrid took her fork and dug it into the egg in the centre. She pulled it out, with egg, shrimp and strawberries all impaled onto the fork.

 _"I thank Thor for what I am about to receive. May the Gods not kill me with food poisoning..."_

* * *

 **VALKA:** _Well, I suppose we'll have to just see what she thinks of it. Even if she weren't a world famous chef, she's still the customer. Customer's always right... 99.999% of the time, ha ha..._

* * *

Astrid put the whole forkfull of food into her mouth, having to push the strawberry in with her hand when it nearly fell out. She winced a bit with a twitching eye, clenching her left fist and tapping the table with her right hand as she finally managed to swallow it.

* * *

 **ASTRID:** _That was absolutely disgusting... th_ _ink I'll wait for the next course, thanks..._

* * *

 **13:17pm**

"You done with that?" Elsa asked in a surprisingly deadpan tone as she walked over. Astrid leaned back slightly in the chair as Elsa refilled her tonic water, looking at the nearly full plate as she said _"I am... the uh... sadly, the prawns were stone cold and undercooked, so... yeah..."_

* * *

 **VALKA:** _I started this morning at what was essentially the midpoint between optimistic and cautious. But I think, when she sent the first dish back, I had this gut feeling that this was not going to be a comfortable experience for anyone..._

* * *

 **13:25pm**

"Okay... this is your Roquefort stuffed fillet of beef, uh... pink..." Elsa brought the next dish, a less-than-amused Astrid saying _"thank you..."_ as she put it on the the table.

As Elsa left, Astrid took a look at the nauseating looking dish that sat in front of her. It was a red square plate, and surprisingly the first thing she noticed was the sizeable chip on one of the corners. On the plate itself, there sat two pieces of beef that were circled by small carrots and celery, topped with a mix of fries and grated cheese that piled over it like a mop of overgrown hair.

 _"Looks too good to eat..."_ she snarked to herself.

* * *

 **HICCUP:** _Did I see this coming? Probably... could I have stopped this? Probably not..._

* * *

She took the first few bites of the beef, groaning as she said _"ugh... tough as old boots... course it is... **G**_ ** _AH_** _ **!** Shit!"_

Her knife split one of the carrots and caused it's juices to squirt onto her blue shirt, prompting her to grab a nearby napkin to dab it quickly and aggressively. It was no use, since her shirt now had a dark orange stain on the stomach area. At the very least, wearing old, cheap clothes during the first visits had finally served her well.

* * *

 **ASTRID:** _Pft... raw carrot... well, that'd be great if I was Judy fucking Hopps..._

* * *

 **Kitchen - 13:37pm**

"She said that the carrots were raw, the steak was tough, and the fries and cheese were just a pig pile of grease..." Elsa relayed the message while standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

"Right... ugh, right..." Valka was pinching the bridge of her nose with one hand and scratching the back of her head with the other, while Hiccup sat on a chair in the corner with his palm to his face.

* * *

 **HICCUP:** _I know my mom. And I know that she's not good at taking criticism... I mean, she's not as bad as one of my other clients, but... ugh, it's still tough to get through to her..._

* * *

 **13:20pm**

Astrid had now joined them all in the kitchen and was speaking to Valka as Hiccup and Elsa watched silently.

 _"Okay, so... you seem pretty proud and confident about your menu, Valka... are you?"_

"Well... aye. I mean... yes, I... I am quite confident..."

 _"Great... that's good..."_ Astrid cleared her throat before she continued. _"Now, listen Valka... I don't want you to take this personally... but I thought your food was **crap**..."_

Valka kept smiling, but Hiccup could see the small subtleties in his mother's body language, such as a twitching eye and her nervous fumbling of her hands. These were the key signs that she was taking offence to what people said about her.

Nevertheless, Astrid continued with _"I thought it was weird, disgusting, bizarre, yet at the same time I thought your food was long-winded, tasteless and frankly... boring..."_

"Well, as a waitress, I've never gotten complaints except when the food is cold. And to be honest, that's not really the chef's fault most of the t..."

 _"Yeah, thanks Elsa, but I'm not asking you to pump smoke up your boss' ass."_ Astrid was suddenly far more blunt than before, prompting Valka, Elsa and even Hiccup to go wide-eyed. _"Okay, I just sat there for the last hour and had probably the worst meal I've eaten yet while making this show..."_

"Hm... well, I suppose that's only a matter of opinion..." Valka said, trying her best to stay optimistic. Astrid groaned at this, saying _**"are you really that arrogant?"**_

"What? Oh, that wasn't meant to be arrogant, love. I just..."

 _"Tell me this! If you're as good a chef as you think you are, Valka, why the Hel are you serving tinned crab meat?"_

"We've only been serving that for the last few months. I mean... as you've been told, the restaurant's been quiet, so it's better for cutting unnecessary costs..."

 _"Hm... alright, so at least it's practicality instead of laziness..."_

* * *

 **ELSA:** _Y'know... I'm starting to feel like Chef Hofferson doesn't like Valka. And I'm sure the feeling is mutual on Val's part too..._

* * *

Astrid took a deep breath, saying _"but you know what... it's okay... because we can work through this. I mean, yes, we've got a lot of work to do in such a short time-span..."_

"Oh... okay, that's fine." Valka was back to normal again. "Whatever y'have in mind, I'd appreciate it..."

 _"Great. So... I think I've seen enough for today..."_ Astrid began pacing backwards with her hands behind the back. _"And hopefully I will see you all tomorrow... so yeah... bye, Hiccup..."_

Hiccup suddenly shot up as she said this, not knowing what to say. After a moment of silence, he waved slowly and said "uh... bye...? I guess..."

Astrid chuckled as she went out the door and shut it. Hiccup was still dumbfounded by this, taking a moment to look at Elsa and his suspiciously grinning mother. "What? What is it, Mom?"

"Hm... I think you've got yourself some much-needed attention, dear..." Valka said with her mischievous smirk. Elsa nodded in agreement to this, adding "you gotta admit, Hiccup... your Mom's got a point..."

Hiccup scoffed at this, stuttering and laughing at the same time as he said _"okay, just... just no... **ah ha ha...** oh gods... Mom, okay, just... just... no, no way, no... that... that shit wouldn't fly in a million years... trust me... ha ha... I don't think so..."_

* * *

 _ **Coming up... Chef Hofferson uncovers the dirty little secrets of Stoick's Place...**_


	24. Inspection

**ASTRID:** _"Ooh! Well I suppose that's only a matter of opinion"... ugh... what an arrogant bitch. How the Hel can she even breathe with her head so far up her own ass like that?!_

* * *

 _ **After being disappointed with the restaurant's food the day before, Chef Hofferson now plans to take a look at Valka's work space...**_

* * *

 **Day 2 - 8:45am - Kitchen Inspection**

Elsa let Astrid into the restaurant and led her towards the kitchen, while Astrid spoke to the camera that was following behind them.

 _"Alright, Valka's not here yet, so I'm gonna check around the place. See what's in the fridge, stuff like that..."_

From the moment she set foot in the kitchen Astrid got to work finding a handful of health code violations. Every hole and crevice on the machines seemed to be filled with some kind of rust or gristle, and she only had to wipe one of them to have the palm of her left hand covered with dirt and grime.

It wasn't long before she had completely removed the top platform from the oven, revealing the filter that was half-filled by a filthy, brown, gravy-like substance. Despite clearly being a liquid, it was completely opaque and by reaching in to see what was in there Astrid now found herself with a completely blackened right hand to compliment her slightly-less-dirty left one.

 _"Ugh... this is... this is some fucked up shit right here..."_ she groaned, resisting the urge to put her dirty palms to her face as she realised what she still had to check. _"Oh gods... so, tell me... where's your pantry?"_

"Uh... it's right this way..." Elsa pointed nervously to the door in the other corner of the room. Astrid took the deepest breath she could as she went to the door and opened it. It was a dark room, and there were a series of light switches on the wall next to the doorway. Fearing the worst, she pressed her hand to the first switch and flicked it downwards, causing the ceiling lights directly above her to switch on.

 _ **"Oh... OH FOR THOR'S SAKE! SHIT!"**_

At the front of the pantry was a small pile of perfectly clean, obviously recently delivered supplies, but it was everything behind these things that caught her attention. The actual shelves in the pantry were filled with opened, unused food that had most likely been there longer than Stoick had been dead. The food was so old that the shelves and the pantry itself were caked in mould and grime, with even the jars and bottles having decayed far past the point of sanitary.

 _ **"How the Hel is all this shit here?! This hasn't been cleaned in fucking years and... oh gods..."**_

When she caught sight of the ingredients and leftovers at the back corner that were being eaten inside out by maggots, she held her stomach with her right hand while covering her mouth with the back of her left. Elsa tried to help but Astrid simply had to shove past her, aggressively retching and gagging as she darted out of the pantry, out of the kitchen and across the dining area to the bathroom.

 _ **"BLERGH! UGGGGGHHHH! LEEEERGH! BLAH! FUCK MAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH! BLERGH! EEEEK! That fucking does it! Oh GoooouUUUURRRRRGGGHH!"**_

* * *

 _ **Coming up... Chef Hofferson decides to make some big changes to the restaurant...**_


	25. Cleaning

_**For the rest of the day, the staff and owner at Stoick's Place are much busier than usual... not cooking, but cleaning...**_

* * *

 **12:22pm**

Astrid casually strolled into the kitchen where Elsa and the other cooks and waitresses were steaming, washing and dusting every inch of the cooking area, with Valka mopping and scrubbing the floors with all of her strength.

 _"There y'go, guys! Clean kitchen, clean food... I want this place spotless, y'hear me!"_

 ** _"Yes, Chef!"_** they all called back in-sync before they kept on working.

* * *

 **ASTRID:** _I have to be honest, it's almost kinda nice seeing Valka cleaning up... she's finally showing some actual skills in a kitchen..._

* * *

 **13:43pm - The Back Alley**

Astrid leaned back against the wall with a lollipop in her mouth, watching as Hiccup carried out the trash bags that were filled with the mouldy, rotten food from the pantry and brought them all to the large, green dumpster beside her.

 _"So... how many?"_ she asked while Hiccup brought them out two at a time. He laughed weakly, saying "uh... nine bags... well, y'know... I filled them to the literal brim, so at normal trash bag capacity it'd probably be even more..."

 _"Hm..."_ Astrid said, though she was paying less attention to that and focusing more on what Hiccup looked like wearing a T-shirt instead of a suit.

She found herself surprised by his build. He wasn't really scrawny at all, but rather lean and toned, especially on his arms. And it was clear that the trash bags were heavier and more fillled than they really should have been since he was clearly tiring himself out throwing them in.

Astrid hadn't even noticed that in her ogling over him she had bitten down hard onto the lollipop and split it in two in her mouth, before Hiccup eventually broke the silence by saying "if I'd known Mom was leaving all this shit lying around, I'd have cleared this out before you could say Gobber's your uncle... ha ha... _hoo_... gotta admit, though, I've probably worked out more right now than all the combined time I've actually spent in a gym..."

 _"Well y'know if you get sweaty and need to take your shirt off, that'd be just fine..."_ she said in a casual yet flirty and almost excited tone, though Hiccup still froze with wide eyes as he looked at her.

She chuckled, saying _"what? Ha ha... I th... um... I... I was kidding! Ha ha... gods... I know this place is in the shit, but I thought you had a sense of humour, Hiccup! Ha ha ha!"_

Hiccup chuckled nervously, saying "yeah... ha... yeah..." before grunting as he threw the rest of the trash bags in. "Alright... that's the last of it..."

 _"Ah, great!"_ Astrid shot up quickly, adding _"why don't just go to your mom in the kitchen... I've got something for you guys..."_

* * *

 **ASTRID:** _Yeah. I flirted with him... pft... so what? I mean, I... I uh... oh come on... I was just being funny and... well, he seems like a really nice guy, really cute, and uh... and he's obviously not that confident, so... well... well, I dunno, maybe it could make him feel better or something..._

* * *

 **14:00pm**

Valka, Hiccup and everyone else who worked there were sitting at the back of the now clean kitchen, all of them being confused, exhausted and absolutely filthy.

 _"I gotta give you guys credit... you really fixed up your workspace... and I know for a fact that if you keep it to this standard, then you're all gonna love working here..."_ Astrid started her speech. _"In a lot of the restaurants I've got on this show, I usually have to have contractors come in and completely redo the place, but wow... never thought it'd look as good as it does, to be honest..."_

Valka grinned proudly as she patted Hiccup on the back, but Astrid took on a more stern tone as she said _"but now it's time to focus on the things that are actually gonna get the customers coming back to Stoick's Place... and it starts with a complete overhaul of the menu..."_

* * *

 _ **Coming up... Valka gets a much-needed education in fine-dining...**_


	26. Menu

_**Now that the cleanliness is up to Astrid's standards, it's time for Chef Hofferson to put her experience on Helheim's Kitchen to good use...**_

* * *

 **A Spare Room - 14:22pm**

Astrid groaned under her breath as she finished buttoning up her chef's jacket, looking at herself in the mirror as she flattened down the creases with her hands.

 _"Hoo... okay, here goes..."_ she said to the camera as she opened the door and walked out of the room towards the kitchen.

* * *

 **ASTRID:** _Simple food, no frills, straightforward, good flavour, and they're gonna be getting customers back here once a week. Instead of once a year._

* * *

 **Kitchen - 14:30pm**

 _"Alright everybody, every time we touch something tonight, we're gonna be tasting, got it?"_ she said, not facing the others as she added the finishing touches to the dish she was preparing. Everyone else nodded silently, while Valka stood right behind Astrid and paid close attention to everything she was doing.

They cleared a path for Astrid to get through as she took the two pans she was working in to the grill on the other side of the kitchen, putting them next to the two other pans that were already placed there. _"Okay... first dish we're doing is a roast chicken, okay?"_

"Right oh..." Valka said, though there was a slight hesitance to her tone. Astrid did notice this, but simply ignored it, smiling as she turned back to her and passed her the sheet with the chicken recipe on it, pointing to the pan with the chicken in it as she said _"quick. Simple. Bang, out. Nothing fancy."_

* * *

 **ELSA:** _I guess there's a lot of things in this place that, just because we've been doing them forever doesn't mean that we've been doing them the right way. So... yeah, I think Chef Hofferson's ideas are the best thing to get some appeal back to the place..._

* * *

While the four pans continued cooking, Astrid finished adding the tomato and salad pieces to the four plates on the first table, saying _"nothing too expensive or too hard, right? Just trying to simplify the system... so you can work faster... and better."_

"Uh-huh..." Valka nodded nervously, trying to sound and be happy but still being held back by worry and a slight hint of bitterness. Astrid cleared her throat proudly as she pointed to the dishes one by one. _"Alright, here's the four specials... Onion Gratin, Tuna Nicoise, Roasted Chicken and a fresh, local Asparagus Tart... any questions?"_

* * *

 **VALKA:** _She's a great chef, I'll gladly admit. But um... well, about five years ago my food was voted best in Berk County... I mean... I suppose I have sort of lost m'edge a bit since Stoick passed, but... well, y'know, it's good to try something new and all, but do we really need to discard everything we used to do?_

* * *

 _"Great. No questions, then..."_ Astrid crossed her arms with a smug grin on her face. _"Now it's time for you guys to give it a try!"_

* * *

 **HICCUP:** _I'm just really glad that this is all falling into place... I mean, I just felt so ashamed of myself when I couldn't help my mom out... but with Chef Hofferson's help here, Mom's not gonna need me... uh... my help, anymore... ha ha..._

* * *

 **14:40pm**

As everyone else got to work replicating Astrid's recipes, Hiccup stepped out of the kitchen and into the empty dining room to clear his head. He chuckled a bit as he leaned against the main desk and pulled out his phone to read through the texts he had gotten.

He wasn't even thinking about it when he accidentally pressed Ruffnut's name on the archive and saw the last few texts she had sent him.

* * *

 _Why don't you spare me the time I spend texting you every day and fucking kill yourself! At least then, you might actually have some Thor-forsaken balls! Fuck you!_

* * *

 _ **"Shit! No, no! No!"**_ Hiccup quickly put the phone back in his pocket and shut his eyes, pressing his hand tight to his forehead and mumbling to himself to get rid of the memory of what she'd written. He put his hands over his ears and shook his head violently, but it was all for nothing, as what she had sent to him on _that_ night finally came back.

* * *

 ** _"You're a pathetic little shit and that's all you'll ever be!"_**

* * *

 _ **"GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"**_ he yelled out without realising as he stormed out of the building and slammed the door behind him. He stuck like a spider back against the wall, breathing heavily with a few tears streaming down his face. **_"Ugh! Fuck, fuck, fuck! I can't fucking do this!"_**

 _But you're so close!_ one side of his brain pointed out, before the other side added _don't do anything until after the show's over! Remember! We have to hold on!_

"Yeah... yeah, hold on... hold on..."

 _"Hiccup... y'okay...?"_ a voice said, jolting Hiccup slightly as he turned to see Astrid standing in the open doorway. She had a concerned look on her face, prompting him to get up and straighten his shirt so that he looked normal and wasn't hyperventilating as badly. "Oh, uh... Chef Hofferson, I thought you were, uh... training everybody..."

 _"Um... well yeah, I... I just heard you going a little crazy back there... wanted to see if you were okay..."_

"Oh, yeah... yeah, everything's fine... yeah... I was... I've been a little stressed... y'know, not cause of this, it's just... other clients..."

 _"Hm... right. Well, if you need to go home or anything, that's fine. Everything's going okay here..."_

"Oh, no. No I'm okay, I just... I'll just get a drink or something..."

 _"Well, at least you're alright..."_ Astrid grinned a bit, thinking about what to say next. _"Y'know... your mom's actually a really lucky woman, now that I think about it..."_

"Oh, so her cooking wasn't that bad, huh?" Hiccup snarked as they both laughed. Once she finished laughing, Astrid's grin turned into a warm smile as she patted him on the shoulder, saying _"I was talking about the fact that she's got you..."_

Hiccup went wide-eyed, having been caught off-guard by such a compliment from such a high profile person. Nevertheless, he cleared his throat and simply said "well, y'know... she wasn't that lucky, I mean... she's on _Kitchen Flightmares_ , for Thor's sake..."

 _"Well... guess we'll have to see how lucky she is tomorrow night, won't we...?"_

* * *

 _ **Coming up... egos collide on the big re-opening of Stoick's Place...**_


	27. Breaking Point

_**Saturday night is the one night that Stoick's Place is busy, and a perfect time to test Astrid's new specials...**_

* * *

 **Day 3 - 7:32pm**

The night service had only started an hour beforehand and it was utterly packed with customers.

Astrid stood next to Hiccup in front of the main desk as Elsa and the other waitresses served the new dishes and took away the finished ones. She nudged his arm playfully with her elbow, saying _"hm... nice to see this place finally get some under-50s coming in, huh?"_

They both laughed at this, Hiccup smiling as he added "yeah... ha ha... looks like you were right, too... these new recipes are a real hit..."

And indeed they were. The dishes were coming out at an almost breakneck speed and the roast chicken and tuna gratin were especially popular on this night, with the glowing reviews being some of the best the restaurant had gotten in all the years it had been opened. Hiccup almost felt a tear go down his face, but he wiped it before it came out as he said "guess everything's gonna work out for Mom after all..."

 _"And I'm sure you'll benefit too... ha ha..."_ Astrid said as she patted him on the back, prompting Hiccup to sigh just short of being audible enough for her to hear.

* * *

 **VALKA:** _I still can't help but feel a wee bit, um... not so much worried, but... I don't know... I suppose I just don't want t'let go of our old recipes, that's all... at least not completely..._

* * *

"Uh... Chef Hofferson..."

 _"Yeah... what?"_ Astrid and Hiccup both turned to face Elsa, who scratched her arm nervously. _"What's wrong...?"_

"Well... Valka just sent me in here, wondering if you could take a second to talk to her..."

 _"What about?"_

"She just has some, uh... some reservations about you completely overhauling the menu and is wondering if you guys could reach some kind of... compromise, maybe?"

 _"Compromise? Oh, fuck me..."_ Astrid rolled her eyes in annoyance, exhaling heavily as she bluntly added _"alright... where is she...?"_

* * *

 _ **With the restaurant on the verge of success, Chef Valka is insisting on reverting back to her old ways, and Astrid has reached her breaking point.**_

* * *

Valka stood quietly next to the pantry, waiting for Astrid to come over and talk to her. When Astrid finally arrived, she was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed and an unamused look on her face. Clearly, she didn't want to waste time talking to Valka about this.

Valka sighed, saying "ah, Astrid. Thanks for coming to talk to me. I just think th..."

 _"You've stopped caring, haven't you?"_ Astrid suddenly interrupted, a sour tone in her voice.

Valka was a bit put off by this, before saying "what? No. I j..."

 _"Get straight to the fucking answer."_

"Well, no. I'm just telling you how i..."

 ** _"Get straight to the fucking answer."_**

"Okay..."

 _"Good."_

"Okay..." Valka said as she took a deep breath, before saying "if I'll be honest with you, Astrid... I don't think your menu is better than mine..."

 _" **Pft**... oh my Gods..."_ Astrid scoffed as she put her palm over her mouth and looked slightly away from Valka, as if trying to hide a slightly annoyed chuckle.

"What? No... no, don't be like that, Astrid. I just th..."

 _"You're a jackass. You know that?"_ Astrid suddenly said back. _"You're just a total jackass."_

 _"Well, I'll have you know my food was voted best in... in... in Berk County..."_

 _ **"What?!"**_ Astrid suddenly shouted out, confused as to why Valka considered this important. The customers dining began to hear the conversation as Valka continued trying to talk while Astrid continued trying to shut her up.

 _"Alright, just hold on, Val... **Val, hold on! Hold on, hold on, hold on,** let me finish..."_

"But you're the one interru..."

 _ **"Don't play the fucking victim like that, you listen to me!"** _Astrid suddenly snapped, before pointing to the door leading to the rest of the restaurant. **_"You ran a shithole of a kitchen! And if you think I'm ever gonna let your employees work in a kitchen like that again, you can go fuck yourself!"_**

Hiccup and the other workers in the kitchen looked up with dread on their faces as they heard Astrid say _**"so why don't you just fuck off?!**_

Valka was growing impatient as she said "to be honest, I think your kitchen's boring..."

 _ **"And who the fuck are you to tell me how to run a kitchen when you work like a PIG?!**_

"I don't wo..."

 _ **"FUCKING PIG!"**_

"Oh yes, of course. Big words, big mou...

 _ **"You are so full of shit!"**_ Astrid's face was turning a bright shade of red as she added _**"why don't you open your eyes and have a good fucking look around at how successful this place is gonna be now?!"**_

"If you're not happy, Astrid, then you're welcome to le..."

 _ **"I AM FUCKING HAPPY!"**_

"Well, you're still welcome to leave."

 _ **"GO FUCK YOURSELF!"**_

"Alright, be my gue..."

 _"Ugh... **I gotta get some air before I fucking kill you!** Gods..."_ Astrid snapped as she began to walk out.

"It's still _my_ fucking kitchen, Astrid!"

 _ **"IF IT IS YOUR FUCKING KITCHEN, CLEAN IT, YOU LAZY CUNT!"** _Astrid spat out before storming out of the kitchen and slamming the door behind her.

* * *

 _ **Coming up... both chefs take a well-needed time out...**_


	28. Breather

**Parking Lot - 7:43pm**

 _ **"Who in the fuck does she even think she is?!"**_ Astrid ranted to the cameraman who was standing silently with her. _**"Gods... I just... I just want to grab her whiny little neck and just... and just... ggggggggggggrrrrrrrRRRRRAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH, FUCK!"**_

If she had put any more power into the punch she gave to the side of the studio's camera van, she was certain she'd have permanently dented it. Her chest was heaving as she panted in frustration, pinching her index finger and thumb together as she said _**"I'm not even kidding... I am this close to just up and quitting on this bitch... and you can guarantee that I'm even closer to straight up kicking her ass!"**_

* * *

 **ELSA:** _So, yeah... this is kind of awkward, but um... well... Chef Hofferson just stormed out after she and Valka got in a huge fight... y'know... just your typical... unstoppable-force-immovable-object scenerio..._

* * *

 **7:50pm**

Hiccup sighed as he stood in front of the door to Valka's office. She was inside and the light in the room was clearly on since it was showing through the closed blinds. After staring at it for a few seconds, he knocked on it gently. _"Mom... y'okay...?"_

She didn't answer. _"Mom...?"_

Hiccup then opened the door, peeking into the room to see Valka downing a glass of whiskey before she slumped back miserably on the chair behind her. The first few buttons on her shirt were undone, her collar was pointed up and her black tie was hanging loosely from around her neck. Her face was reddened, she had bags under her eyes and her cheeks clearly had slightly-dried tear streams on them.

As soon as she noticed him, she shot up a bit, wiping her face with the back of her hand and sniffling a bit as she stuttered out "oh, son, I... I um... I was just taking... taking a breather... that's all..."

 _"Hm... yeah..."_ he chuckled weakly as he walked over to the desk and knelt down a bit so he was closer to her level. She sighed as she put her glass back on the table, putting her face in her hands as she said "oh, Gods... I've fucked it up again, haven't I, son?"

 _"What, n... ugh..."_ Hiccup stopped himself when he decided that trying to sugarcoat this would just make everything worse, patting his mother on the shoulder as he said _"I dunno for certain, Mom... but it's not looking good..."_

"Hm... aye, thought so..." Valka said as she took her face out of her hands and sat back up again. "Hiccup, I... I don't work like a _pig_ , do I?"

 _"Well... you're certainly as stubborn as one, that's for sure..."_

"Pft... watch it, you..." she said back as they both chuckled a bit. Her laughter died down and she pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment, letting go of it as she said "y'know... ha ha... funnily enough, I... I don't even know why I'm being so stubborn with her, I just... ugh..."

 _"Maybe it's just the Haddock curse..."_ Hiccup snarked as he scratched the back of his head. _"Look, Ast... uh... Chef Hofferson's pretty much the last chance you've got with this place... and I... um... we... really can't afford for this to fall through... because, I gotta be honest, Mom, I really can't think of anything else to help the place now..."_

"Aye... I know, son..." Valka wiped her eye again as she stood from her chair. She buttoned up her remaining buttons again, re-fastened her tie and flattened down her collar, brushing her loose strands of hair aside as she turned to face him.

She put a hand on his shoulder and cupped the side of his face affectionately with the other, smiling proudly at her boy as she said "it's not been perfect, by the gods I know, but... but I've been the luckiest woman on Midgard to have you for a son, Hiccup..."

He smirked a little, before Valka suddenly pulled him close into a hug. After a few seconds, he returned the embrace by wrapping his arms around her as well, almost feeling the burden of his anxiety and suicidal thoughts being relieved.

When she finally released him, she said "and I... I know I've been stressing you out a lot for the past two years, Hiccup..."

 _She has no idea!_ one side of his brain thought in a snarky tone, before the other rebutted with _shut up! She's trying to compliment us!_

"But... but no matter what happens tonight, Hiccup... I want to know that I... that I am so proud of all you've done for me, and the man you've become... and you can bet that your father'd be too..."

 _"But Mom, what about the restau..."_

"I don't care, Hiccup... I really don't... _ah ha ha ha... oh, gods..._ " Valka suddenly laughed. "Hiccup... if it's time for Stoick's Place to go with him, then... then I won't mind..."

* * *

 **HICCUP:** _Okay... so Chef Hofferson called my mom a lazy C-word and even went red in the face as she was storming out. At the very least, it's pretty obvious that things can't get any worse, so they can only get b... uh... kind of improve... I guess...?_

* * *

 _ **Coming up... after the dinner service finishes, Valka has something to say to Chef Hofferson...**_


	29. The End?

**ASTRID:** _I seriously thought about walking away after that incident earlier, but I stayed there... because there were other people who were relying on me. And I had to finish this fucking job if it killed me..._

* * *

 **22:30pm**

With the rest of the evening being successful yet uneventful, the night service finally came to a close. Astrid sat on the bench outside the door silently as she watched the customers all leaving, sighing and saying _"alright... let's go see the chef..."_

* * *

 ** _After a long evening of ups and one big down, the relaunch was a success, but there's still one question left unanswered... did Chef Hofferson truly manage to get through to Valka?_**

* * *

 **22:37pm**

Valka and Astrid were both in the back garden of the building, silently sitting opposite each other on cushioned benches separated by a black glass coffee table. Astrid had her palm to her face for at least the first five minutes while Valka sat like a statue fumbling her hands together. The back door to the kitchen was slightly ajar and Hiccup was standing next to it to hear them.

Astrid eventually took her hand from her face and looked at Valka, saying _"so... what have you got to say about this evening's service, Val...?"_

"Well... your dishes were really well-received and Elsa's looked through the numbers and says we've made more profit tonight than we did for the last six months before y'came here..."

 _"Hm... well, that's something..."_

"It is... it is... ugh... Chef Hofferson, about earlier tonight, I... I'm just really sorry, because I just... well..." Valka sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose. When she looked back up at Astrid, she said "look... you're a younger woman than I am, Astrid... when you get to my age and you've been through anything like what I've been through, change is... well... change can be a very scary thing to someone like me... I don't like having to change from what I know, and it can make me very stubborn..."

 _"Yeah... you really are a stubborn one, ha ha..."_

"Aye, but don't think for a moment that being stubborn is the same as me being ungrateful, because it isn't... I _am_ grateful to you, Astrid... I really am, more than words or actions could ever really say... and... and after some deliberation, I think you're exactly right..."

 _"Huh... well, that's good to hear..."_

"I know, I know, but... you're absolutely, one hundred percent right... the recipes can go, all of them. They were... for lack of a better word... they were _shit_... aye... I'll admit it."

"So... you're keeping the dishes I put on your menu, huh?"

"Well... I was hoping to... if you'd let us, Chef..."

Astrid suddenly grinned, reaching her hand towards Valka and saying _"then it's a deal... Chef..."_

 ** _"Oh, thank Gods!"_** Valka quickly took Astrid's hand and shook it. _**"Thanks, Astrid. Just... thank you so, so much!"**_

 _"Hm... glad to be of service..."_

* * *

 **ASTRID:** _These guys finally have something special, and something to look forward to. And for the love of Thor, I'm really hoping they don't screw this up... okay, so I guess that's the happy ending for this episode... there's just one more thing for me to do..._

* * *

 **23:05pm**

As everyone else celebrated with Valka outside, Astrid slowly went into the empty dining area where Hiccup was sitting alone. He was looking at his phone, scrolling down the text screen nervously.

 _"Hey, um... Hiccup..."_

"What?! What's wr... oh..." he jolted up suddenly, calming down a bit when he saw who it was. Astrid was a bit wide-eyed at this, but she chuckled as she said _"gods... your mom's right, you are a worrier..."_

"Hm... uh... yeah... yeah, it's funny, ha ha... ugh..." Hiccup scratched the back of his head as he shoved his phone into his back pocket. He looked at her with a smile, saying "look, I... I just can't thank you enough for doing this... I mean, I just... y'know, it's... I think you're just an incredible person, Chef Hofferson, and... and I'm not even exaggerating, cause you're literally the only person my Mom has _ever_ lost an argument with... ha ha... and now, thanks to you, she's got something to look forward to... doesn't need my help anymore... so, uh... so thanks..."

Astrid chuckled as well, nodding as she said _"well, you're very welcome... uh... so, um... alright listen, Hiccup..."_

"Yeah?"

 _"Well... I was just wondering, since I'm gonna be in town for the next few weeks... maybe you'd... uh... well, I dunno... would you wanna have dinner with me some time?"_

"D... dinner? What? You mean like... like together...?"

 _"Yeah... yeah, together..."_

"Uh... I um... I might be a little... little busy with... some _urgent stuff_ , right now..."

"Well, that's okay. I can wait, um... ooh, here..." Astrid reached into her purse and gave him a small card. He looked at it and read the telephone number that was written on it under the name _**Chef Astrid Hofferson**_.

 _"If you change your mind, just gimme a call on my cell..."_

"Uh... I'll keep that in mind..."


	30. Call

_When it gets dark outside, in you I confide_  
 _You help me face my demons, I won't hide, hide_  
 _Girls like you are hard to find  
I hope you don't mind, if I give you the time of your life, life, life_

* * *

 **23:38pm**

"Well, that's conflicting..." Hiccup snarked to himself as he opened his apartment and switched on the lights, quickly changing into his pyjamas and sitting on his bed.

 _Are you fucking serious? Come on, how much of a pussy can we actually be?!_ one side of his head thought, before the other responded with _pussy for not saying yes or for holding off the whole suicide thing again?_

"Ugh... why the Hel did she even want dinner anyway... isn't that, like, basically asking me out...?"

 _Yeah. We're weird. It's gotta be a trick. No doubt about it._

"I know, right? Nah. Wait... I don't have to call to say no, right?"

 _What are we, a stalker? Of course we don't call to say no. Just burn the damn calling card and kill yourself. She'll be none the wiser..._

"Yeah, but... but I'm kinda... kinda thinking about it..."

 _Thinking about what? Saying yes?! Gods, this isn't a date, y'know! It'd probably be like those boring lunch meetings the firm has on Wednesdays..._

"Pft... come on, I think we know Astrid's not that boring..."

 _Astrid? She's not our fucking friend, pervert! Call her Chef Hofferson. Or Miss Hofferson, or whatever... don't call her by her first name, it's fucking creepy!_

"Okay, okay, sorry... but... I gotta be honest..."

 _Oh fuck me...you better not be falling for her!_

"I know it's stupid, but... but she seems nice... and funny, and..."

 _And a high-profile celebrity who tries to look good at every public opportunity! It'll be a publicity stunt, nothing else!_

"I still think it's worth a shot..."

 _Did you just conveniently forget what happened the last time you were even in the same room with a woman you weren't related to? She called you a pathetic little shit. And it's pretty certain Chef Hofferson's standards of men are much higher than that._

"Ugh..." Hiccup reached into his jacket's pocket and pulled out the calling card. "Fuck it... if I'm killing myself anyway, I might as well give this a try..."

 _Your loss, dickhead_ the more negative side of his head thought, but Hiccup ignored it as he typed the number into the phone and dialled it. He sat up on the bed as the phone buzzed, indicating that her phone was switched on and ringing, but she wasn't answering it. This went on for a good thirty second, and eventually the answering machine machine came on in Astrid's voice:

* * *

 _ **"Hi. This is Astrid. I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'd like to leave a message I can call you back. Thanks a lot..."**_

* * *

"Um... hi, Ast... _fuck, no, that's wrong..._ uh... Chef Hofferson, this um... this is Hiccup Haddock... y'know, the uh... the accountant from _Stoick's Place_ , and I just wanted to call about your off..."

He froze as he heard the recording sound stop as hands from the other side of the call frantically fumbled around to grab the phone. A panting female voice was audible, before he heard the voice excitedly say _"Hiccup! H-hey! Is that you?! Hello?!"_

"Uh... hey, Chef Hofferson... yeah, I'm here..."

 _"Great... hoo, I... no joke, I've been by my phone here since I got to my hotel room waiting for you to call..."_

"Well, th... wait, you have?"

 _"Yeah, it's... ha ha, it's actually pretty funny. Cause I've been sitting here for like twenty minutes and nothing happened, so I took a bathroom break and **BAM!** you called, so... ha ha... yeah, so... so what'd you say?"_

"Um... well, I uh... I was gonna say that uh... yeah. Um... yes, I'd like to have dinner with you some time, Chef..."

He was surprised when he felt her hand covering the microphone on her phone, but still heard her squealing excitedly like a schoolgirl. About ten seconds later, she took her hand away and said _"great, absolutely... fantastic! So, um... how about you meet me in the park, by the lake at seven tomorrow? Huh?"_

"Seven in the evening...?"

 _"Yeah, evening... what, is that not a good time for you?"_

"Oh no, that's... that's absolutely fine. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it."

 _"Great, it's a date, then! See you then! Bye!"_ Astrid quickly hung up, leaving Hiccup positively dumbfounded as he lay back on his bed. "Hm... she seemed pretty excited..."

 _That's exactly what she wants you to think_ the negative-thinking part of his brain thought, before the other side responded with _y'know... I'm starting to think that side of our head's not gonna be needed until after this so-called date's over._

"Hm..." Hiccup sighed, exhaling as he closed his eyes and tried to block out any thoughts the negative-thinking part was trying to give him. Surprisingly, it actually seemed to work, and he felt himself dropping off to sleep before being jolted back awake by an ear-piercing _**PING!**_

He looked at his phone on the desk besides him, grabbing it to see what it was. It was a text, but the number wasn't listed in his contacts and was clearly different from the one he'd just called to speak to Astrid. After about a minute of internal self-deliberation, he pressed the message to open it. **_"Oh Gods..."_**

* * *

 _Hiccup. You shouldn't recognise this number but for the love of Thor don't block it. It's Heather. From Ruffnut's Baking Company._  
 _Look, you've probably forgotten all about me and Cami since you got your promotion and quit RBC, but I was just wondering if you had the time to meet with me tomorrow morning. I have a favour to ask from you. Just text back ASAP and I'll tell you where to go._

* * *

 **AN: Just a side-comment - Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays 2018! Or Snoggletog, if you're that big a fan... :)**


	31. Talk

**8:37am**

"Hiccup, hey!" Heather called as she ran to the coffee shop he was standing outside of. "Alright... I got twenty-three minutes on the clock, so we gotta be quick..."

 _"Oh yeah, sure... no problem..."_ he said as he motioned his hand to the table. _"You wanna take a seat...?"_

They sat opposite each other on the table. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Hiccup decided to speak first, saying _"so... how are you and Cami doing?"_

"Oh, we're fine... y'know, fine as we can be..."

 _"Hm... you guys any closer to Windshear's Palace yet?"_

"Pft... gods no... but um... well, here's the thing, Hiccup..." Heather twiddled her thumbs nervously, before adding "I'm not here to catch up with you or anything... um... Ruff sent me... as a peace offering..."

 _"Ugh... of course she did..."_ he snarked as he leaned back on his chair. _"Clearly she's finally realised that sending someone a hundred angry texts a day isn't the best way to get their attention..."_

"Hm... she's got good reason to... listen, okay, so she's got this new accountant, but..."

 _"I'm sorry... okay, I'm sorry, Heather, but I don't wanna hear it..."_

 **"Just listen!"** she snapped suddenly, before exhaling back to her usual calmness as she added "alright... this new guy's name is Johann... he's a real charmer, if you know what I mean, and Ruff pretty much listens to all his advice..."

 _"Aw... isn't that nice..."_

"Ha is, very funny... but I just... I don't think he's as honest as he lets on... alright, Ruff sent me here to apologise on her behalf but Hiccup, I'm here using my own free will to tell you that we really need you to come back!"

 _"Look, Heather, I just... ugh..."_ he had to be careful about what he said next. He trusted Heather, no doubt, but he didn't need anyone knowing what happened on that night. _"I just can't work for her anymore..."_

"Well... why not?" Heather reached across and took his hand gently, saying "Hiccup... I know you're not the kind of guy who'd quit just because he got a promotion..."

The jig was up. She knew something happened that made him quit. She was probably already piecing together what it was, but he knew it was his turn to come clean. He groaned a bit and took off his glasses, saying _"alright... alright, Heather... well, um... the night I quit, we... ugh... no, I can't..."_

"Can't what?" she had a slightly firmer grip on his hand and added "Hiccup... what can't you say?"

 _"Fine..."_ he put his glasses back on as he looked back to face her, saying _"the night I quit, you guys_ _had all gone home, and Ruff offered me a drink... cause I wasn't driving, or whatever, but uh... um... Ruff... she... she made an attempt on me..."_

"Pft... attempt? What, like a murder? Ha ha... like an assa... _oh_... oh, Gods..." Heather went wide-eyed and had her hand over her chest as she realised what he was actually talking about. "Aw, Hiccup, I... I'm s..."

 _"Nah, it's fine, you... you didn't know..."_ he sighed as he itched the back of his head. Heather reached across the table and held his hand gently, comfortingly, before she said "Hiccup, I'm... I am so sorry, I... I was stupid to let Ruff blame you for this and make _you_ look like the asshole and... ugh... I was even stupider coming here asking for you to come back..."

 _"Well, if you... uh..."_ he put his hand to his face for a moment, before saying _"if you text me some more details, Heather, I um... I might be able to look into this Johann guy... see if he's legitimate..."_

"Oh, would you really... aw, thanks, Hiccup..." she smiled warmly at him, chuckling a bit as she added "so... how about we talk about something a little less depressing?"

 _"Great. Let's."_

"Alright. How's your mom's business doing...?"

 _"Y'know what... I don't know if I should be telling you this, but um... well, last night we just finished being on an episode of Astrid Hofferson's new show..."_

Heather's jaw dropped, her voice becoming almost a squeal as she said "oh... my... **gods!** You got your mom on _Flightmares_?! That's... holy shit! That's... how, uh... how'd it go...?"

 _"Well, the two chefs got a little um... angry... near the end, but overall I'd say we're in a pretty good place... it's on TV Saturday..."_

"Yeah, but... man, that's so great..." Heather was nearly hyperventilating, but calmed down a bit as she said "so, uh... now that you know a celebrity chef... maybe you'd be able to put in a word for RBC? Ha ha..."

 _"Well, once she sees it, Ruff's gonna be clogging my inbox with demands for it, isn't she...?"_

"Hm... wouldn't count on it..." Heather chuckled. "Ruff doesn't watch any of Chef Hofferson's shows... apparently, she's a fraud who doesn't know shit... ha ha..."

Hiccup grinned a bit, saying _"believe it or not, that's actually good to hear... so... I'd appreciate it, Heather, and I'm sure Chef Hofferson would too, if you didn't tell Ruff or Tuff about it..."_

"Sure... yeah, my... my lips are sealed, Hiccup..." Heather pinched her fingers over her mouth to visualise her point, before grinning a bit as she teasingly said "so... hopefully, Ruff's not turned you off chefs, huh? Does Miss Hofferson catch your eye...?"

Hiccup scoffed, saying _"no, of course not... I mean, I am meeting her tonight, but th..."_

 **"What?! Ha ha! I was being sarcastic! Ha ha! Are you serious?!"** Heather was struggling to contain her excitement as she added **"you're actually dating Ch..."**

 _"Heather, keep it down!"_ he snapped suddenly, prompting them both to glance around them as Heather sat back down quietly, whispering the end of her sentence. _"You're actually dating Chef Hofferson..."_

 _"I'm not dating her... at least, I'm 90% sure I'm not..."_ Hiccup pinched the bridge of his nose, saying _"look... you gotta help me with this, Heather... cause I don't know shit about women... what am I gonna look like, how am I gonna act?! What if she's trying to be professional and I go there dressed casual like some lazy stoner... what if she does want it to be romantic and I come there dressed as a fucking bank teller... I..."_

"Hey... hey, don't worry." Heather held his hand again. "Hiccup, just relax. Be yourself... she's gonna love that..."

 _"Yeah, but I don't even know if she's interested in that way, Heather... it's like, serious mixed signals... I don't wanna fuck this up... because... I do kinda like her... but what if it's basically a lunch meeting with a client?"_

"Lunch meeting with a cl... oh gods... Hiccup, you gotta stop with all these damn insecurities... I mean, just look at you, you're adorable!"

 _"Adorable. Not attractive."_

"Not attractive? What, cause you don't have a beard...? You do know there's a lot more things a woman finds attractive in a guy besides an overly-manly appearance, Hiccup..." Heather had an eyebrow raised. "Most girls don't want a guy like that... that Snotlout dude from your firm... they like sweet, sensitive... and you're both those things, and funny, and smart... and you _are_ good-looking, in your own... tall, lanky, Hiccup kind of way..."

 _"Really?"_

"Yes! You, Hiccup Haddock, are a catch. And any girl, in my opinion, would be lucky to have you... seriously, if it weren't for Cami, I'd be all over you, no joke..."

 _"Aw... well, uh... thanks, Heather... I really appreciate it..."_ Hiccup put his glasses back on, creased down his suit and held out his hand for her to shake. She instead gave him a tight hug, whispering _"good luck..."_ in his ears as she headed off to work.

He waved to her as she left, yelling _**"you too!"**_ as she jokingly flipped the bird at him in response.

When Heather was out of sight, he sighed to himself, casually scratching the back of his head as he looked at Astrid's phone number on his phone. _"Hm... tonight doesn't seem so scary all of a sudden... weird..."_


	32. Outfit

**18:12pm**

"Okay... _okay, okay, okay..._ how do I look?!" Hiccup said to himself as he closed his closet to reveal the mirror on the door. This was at least the twentieth combination of clothing he'd tried out in the last hour, and in all honesty was probably the best he could do.

With a green T-shirt under a red long-sleeved shirt, he was wearing a light marigold overcoat and had a red and white striped scarf around his neck, while wearing black jeans and light brown business shoes. To complete the ensemble, he still had his glasses on and wore one of Stoick's old black fedoras. He was aiming for a midpoint between casual and professional, with a little Hiccup flair thrown in, and it seemed to have paid off.

"Looks, uh... nice, I guess...?"

 _But why are you dressed like the fourth Doctor's nerdy nephew?_ one side of his head thought, even though this side was usually the more optimistic of the two. Hiccup sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with a snarky tone in his voice as he said "and that's a good way to think right now, isn't it?"

 _You're the dumbass who decided to say yes to this dinner... the second she sees you dressed like this she's gonna laugh her ass off at you..._ the more negative-thinking side finally put a thought into the conversation.

"Ugh..." Hiccup shut his eyes and groaned at the idea of this, but rolled up the sleeve to look worryingly at his watch. "Aw man... well, it's gonna have to do..." he added as he grabbed his phone, wallet and keys, heading out the apartment and locking the door behind him.

* * *

 **18:57pm - Hooligan Memorial Park**

Astrid sat down on a bench by the lake, admiring the scenery as she waited for Hiccup to join her. Occasionally, she'd glance over either shoulder to see if he was anywhere around or refresh the inbox on her phone to see if he'd texted, but so far neither of these efforts had paid off.

* * *

 **18:59pm**

Hiccup was panting a bit as he got off of the bus and ran into the park, stopping about a hundred yards away from where Astrid was sitting when he noticed her. He was about to walk over and get her attention, but after stepping forward about five feet he froze with wide eyes as he got a better look at her.

With furred ugg boots black leggings and a short, dark red skirt, she wore a red woolen teddy coat over a blue short sweatshirt with a V-neck that was just low enough to give her a slight bit of cleavage. She was also wearing a light blue beanie hat and had purple eye shadow and a thin coating of red lipstick on.

She looked absolutely _beautiful_ , and once again both sides of Hiccup's brain were raging in the back of his head about how ridiculous _he_ looked in comparison. He was mere seconds away from darting out of the park and running all the way back to his apartment, but she turned to see him with her face lighting up notably as she did.

As she stood up and waved at him, she went wide-eyed for a second but her smile suddenly got a little wider. Hiccup tried to smile back at her but couldn't help but notice her lip quivering a bit as if she were trying to stop herself from chuckling. It hit him like a ton of bricks that she was laughing at his outfit.

 _I told you that was going to happen_! the negative-thinking side of his brain thought. _And did you listen to me?! No, of course you didn't! You don't listen to anything I tell you and I always turn out to be right!_

 _ **"Hey, you!"**_ Astrid's voice suddenly interrupted his thoughts, prompting Hiccup to realise that she was now standing right in front of him, giggling a bit as she tried to cover her mouth with her hand. He opened his mouth to say something, but she suddenly threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, nearly making him catatonic with shock as she pecked him on the cheek and whispered _"nice costume..."_ in his ear.

"Right, I... I um... it's a long story..." Hiccup separated from her, but she held one of his hands with both of hers as he took off his hat with his free hand and tried to explain himself. "Look, I was in a hurry, and... and I didn't know what kind of meeting this was supposed to be, so... ugh... I'm sorry..."

" _Sorry?_ Ha ha... sorry for what...?" Astrid asked with a warm smile on her face, taking the fedora out of his hand and twirling it in her own hands.

"The outfit. I know, it's stupid. I..."

"I didn't say it was stupid... and I think quite the opposite, thank you very much..." she had an eyebrow raised as she got on her tiptoes to put the hat back on his head, straightening his scarf with a chuckle as she added "I mean... look at you, you're... you're _adorable_..."

"Hm... adorable...?"

"Yeah... and for the record, I _love_ a guy who's not afraid to be adorable..." Astrid got on her tiptoes again to kiss a wide-eyed Hiccup again, on the lips this time.

 _Okay, this is all levels of fucked up_ the negative side of Hiccup's head thought as this happened, before the other side thought _hm... well, we were right... we really don't know shit about women..._

When Astrid separated from him, Hiccup was still slightly frozen, but cleared his throat and said "well, uh... I take it this isn't exactly a client meeting, then...?"

"A _client meeting_? Oh gods..." Astrid almost felt like laughing again, but instead took his hand with a smile and said "come on, Doctor Who... I'm gonna take you on a _date_..."


	33. Rule

_Love... always comes as a surprise  
You don't need to close your eyes  
'Cause soon you'll recognise  
It's colours_

* * *

 **21:30pm**

To Hiccup's surprise, they didn't actually have dinner at a fancy table. Or in a fancy restaurant. Instead, they'd just gotten hot dogs and then ice creams and just walked through the park and into the town centre, casually chatting all the while. He was amazed at how many of his jokes actually succeeded in making her laugh, both intentionally and unintentionally, and had even been surprised by how, well, not celebrity-like, she was as well.

Astrid had gently held onto Hiccup's hand the entire time they strolled through the streetlamp-lit town centre, and still kept a hold of it as they circled back to the same park bench in front of the lake and sat down on it. Hiccup removed his hat and put it on the bench between himself and Astrid. With a silence having lasted between them for about a minute, he cleared his throat and said "y'know... I gotta be honest, Chef... that wasn't what I expected... it... this was really nice..."

Astrid scoffed, affectionately hitting him on the chest as she said _"alright... look, I... ha ha... okay, you're a really sweet, polite, guy, but I feel as though I need to put down a little ground rule here, okay?"_

"Uh... okay...?"

 _"From now on, when we do stuff like this... I'm not Chef Hofferson the celebrity... and you're not Mr Haddock the accountant... you're Hiccup, and I'm Astrid... got it?"_

Hiccup was slightly wide-eyed at this, exhaling a bit as he nervously said "uh... sure... Astrid..."

 _"Great..."_ Astrid smiled as she kissed Hiccup's cheek. _"So, Hiccup... shall we call it a night...?"_

* * *

 **21:48pm - Ruffnut's Baking Company**

After a slightly even more deserted night service than usual, with Cami having already left about an hour earlier, Ruffnut came out of the kitchen into the dining area. She heard Heather snapping angrily at Tuffnut, and was about to tell her waitress off for stepping out of line. She stopped, however, as she saw Tuffnut holding an open envelope and the sheet that had come out of it.

"You _deserve_ the worst for what you did!" Heather said. "That money belonged to you both, Tuff! You _and_ your sister! You can't just..."

 _"Oh, gods, come on, Heather, you wanna get hysterical? Seriously... right now? It was a mistake, okay? You really think I thought this was gonna happen?"_

"A mistake?!" Heather snapped in a surprisingly aggressive tone. "Tuff, I don't even _like_ working here, but even I know you can't just sweep something like this under the rug! Alright, don't act like it's just some... some, some stupid thing! Tuff, do you even understand what..."

 _ **"I UNDERSTAND IT! ALRIGHT, I UNDERSTAND THE WHOLE FUCKING THING! He's the fucking crook here, not me! Trust me, Heather, I want to murder that bastard worse than anybody!"**_

"Uh... guys... what's wrong?" Ruffnut asked nervously as she stepped out for them both to see her. Tuff slapped his forehead, looking to Heather and saying _**"see? Look what you did now... Ruff, she's dumping it all on me, it's not fair..."**_

"Dumping what?" Ruff looked at Heather interrogatively. "What the Hel is going on here?!"

Heather swiped the sheet out of Tuffnut's hand, showing it to Ruffnut and saying "he gave power of..."

 _ **"I didn't give anything to anybody!"**_ Tuffnut interrupted. **_"Alright, he sent a letter! He said Ruff needed to sign a tax extension, so I got her to sign it! Ugh... I need alcohol..."_**

As he headed toward his office, planning to raid the minibar, he looked at Ruffnut and said _**"Ruff, sis... I swear on my life... I didn't take a fucking dime from you!"**_

When he went to the office, Ruff nervously rubbed her arm as she looked at Heather. _"Uh... what's going on... what's happening, Heather?!"_

Heather groaned angrily, before saying "we need to call Hiccup... he'll know what to do..."


	34. Duty

**21:57pm - Dragon Island Apartment Block**

"Dad used to have a dog, too... Rottweiler, called him Skullcrusher. Sweet as anything, though..." Hiccup continued a story that he'd started telling Astrid since they left the park, and she was holding onto his arm with both hands listening to and laughing at what he was saying as they stood in the elevator.

 _"Huh... well I saw your mom's weird owl that she keeps in that cage, and obviously that's as different from a Rottweiler as you can get..._ " Astrid said. _"So I take it you guys don't really have a uh... well, a type, so to speak, when it comes to pets..."_

"Yeah... not really... well, I guess me, my Mom and my Dad all have separate types..." Hiccup said, before they both suddenly spoke in-sync by saying **_"personally, I'm more of a cat person... wait, what?!"_**

They both went wide-eyed and looked at each other as this happened, being frozen like statues for about a second before being snapped back to reality by the sound of a high-pitched **_DING!_**

"Ooh... this is me..." Hiccup said as the elevator doors opened on his apartment's floor. Astrid followed him out of the elevator into the hallway as he got out his keys.

"Hm... y'know, Ch... uh... Astrid... it actually feels kinda weird... _you_ walking _me_ back to _my_ place and all... not how it usually goes in the movies..."

 _"I don't see anything wrong with breaking stereotypes..."_ Astrid said as she leaned back against the wall next to Hiccup's door with her arms folded. _"My Aunt Zephyr used to tell me that you'll never break the mould if you hit it the same way everybody else does..."_

"Hm... well, no offence to your aunt, but I really can't understand that..."

 _"Yeah... ha ha... Aunt Zephyr was pretty eccentric... kind of cuckoo, but hey, I loved her for it... and believe it or not, I actually took a lot after her, cause I was... well, not a weird kid, but uh... a selectively social one..."_

"Eh... I can relate..." Hiccup put his key into the lock and began unlocking his door. "Though I'm assuming that it was a _choice_ for you..."

 _"Hm... I guess it was..."_ Astrid chuckled a bit. As Hiccup finally opened his door, he stood in the open doorway as he looked back at a smiling Astrid, who was standing directly in front of the door.

 _What are you waiting for, pussy?! Invite her in!_ the negative-thinking side of his head finally broke its nearly three hour silence to think this, while the other rebutted with _no! That's crazy dangerous! What are we, some kind of pervert?!_

"Well, uh... goodnight..." he said, nearly subconsciously shutting the door in her face but just managing to block it with his foot. "I uh... I just really wanna say thank you for tonight, Astrid... it... it was wonderful..."

 _"Hm... well, I guess I ought to thank you too, Hiccup... mainly for being even funnier and nicer than I actually thought you were gonna be..."_ Astrid giggled a bit as she pulled his hat down so that it covered his eyes.

Hiccup laughed as he grabbed the corners of his hat and lifted it off of his head, being shocked when Astrid took the opportunity to grab him by the scarf and pull him forward into an actual, proper kiss on the lips.

It was a deeper, hungrier kiss than the ones she had given him before, and yet there was also an affectionate, almost gentle approach rather than the forcefulness Ruffnut had used. Since it lasted nearly ten seconds he very nearly returned it, but she regretfully separated from him, with his lips and one side of his mouth having the shape of hers imprinted on them in her red lipstick.

Tucking her slightly loosened hair back in and flattening down the creases made on her clothes, just so that she still looked presentable when walking back to her hotel, Astrid smiled at Hiccup as she walked backwards towards the elevator. _"Well, uh... when I'm free again, I guess I'll uh... I'll just call or text, okay?"_

"Okay, yeah... sure... uh... good night!" Hiccup called to her as she got in the elevator, blushing slightly as Astrid blew him a kiss before getting into it.

 _Hm... okay... maybe we did misjudge her_ the negative-thinking side of his brain thought, before the other side responded with a surprisingly aggressive _you think?!_

"Well... I guess that means my suicide's gonna be put on indefinite hold..." Hiccup exhaled quietly to himself, a hint of both worry and, surprisingly, _relief_ in his voice.

However, as soon as he closed the door, he felt a vibration in his pocket and heard the familiar **_PING!_** of his phone.

 _"Ugh... fuck me..."_ he grumbled under his breath as he took out the phone and looked at the notification.

 _Inbox: **1** **unread** **message**... you have... **1**... new message from... **Heather**._

"Great... this must be that bullshit Johann info..." he snarked as he opened it.

 _Hiccup. It's Heather. I'm at RBC now. Something's come up. Call back ASAP!_


	35. Deals

**11:53am - Grimborn And Grimborn, Attorneys At Law**

The next morning, Hiccup was sitting opposite the twins on couches in an office on the middle floor of a 25-floor skyscraper. The desk at the front was simple enough, with a lizard skull on one side and a mahogany Maces and Talons set on the other.

Ruffnut attempted to break the tense silence by clearing her throat and saying "so, uh... I looked at Heather's phone when she was texting you last night, Hiccup... turns out you _didn't_ change your number after you quit... cause, for a while, I thought you weren't returning my texts cause I just had the wrong number... ha ha... awkward, right...?"

Hiccup glared at her with a scowl on his face, exhaling in relief as the door opened and the attorney finally arrived. _"Oh, thank gods..."_ he groaned under his breath.

The lawyer they had gotten, Viggo Grimborn, was well-known for his affable, calm and collected demeanour, even while insulting an opponent, as well as a blinded left eye and scarred, singed face he had suffered from a horrific car accident. He had a reputation for treating his cases as if they were a game of Maces and Talons, as evidenced by the board, and while his methods were hardly honourable or honest, he was nothing if not a good sport.

To employ him was not very expensive, as he was clearly drawn more to the quality of the challenge than to the size of the paycheck. It was because of this that Heather and Hiccup had agreed that Viggo would be the best man for the job.

 _"I'm sure you're aware already, Miss Thorston, but I'll restate the obvious... the piece of paper your brother had you sign was not a request for an extension of your tax returns..."_ Viggo explained as he entered, passing Ruffnut and Tuffnut a large document of information relating to the case. _"It was a blanket power of attorney, in favour of your accountant."_

"But Johann said that..." Tuffnut tried to object, but his sister put her hand up to silence him, having heard his excuse several times that morning alone.

 _"With Mr Haddock's help, we were able to find out that Johann, also known as Trader Johann, was a known associate of Krogan Killmonger, the accountant who previously represented the Dragon's Eye restaurant... coincidentally, your waitress, um... Heather, worked at both those places..."_

"That little bitch... must have led them right to us..." Tuffnut grumbled under his breath as Hiccup rolled his eyes in annoyance. "You can put her in jail, right?"

Viggo was perplexed by this, shaking his head as he said _"no, no, you... you misunderstand, Mr Thorston... from our investigation, I can confirm that your waitress has no prior connection to them besides having worked for both your restaurants... anyway... it turns out both Krogan and Johann were heavily involved with Bludvist Housing, a... less-than-legal, organisation which had assets in some very high-price, offshore commercial real estate."_

Ruffnut glared at her brother, before looking back at Viggo as he said _"they obviously thought they could flip it quick, take their profits and then have the money back in your accounts before you or the Dragon's Eye knew it was gone, but unfortunately for you and everyone else in this room, their deals in the real estate fell through because the market dried up... they, and both your businesses as a result, lost millions..."_

"What are you saying, then?" Ruffnut was incredibly confused as she read through the dozens of pages in the document. "You're saying there's nothing we can do about this?"

 _"I can assure you, Miss Thorston, that we are doing as much as we can."_ Viggo said. _"I have filed at least eight criminal acts against them on behalf of both you and the Dragon's Eye, but I'm afraid, in accordance with the Financial Fraud Investigation Law, Article A113, all of your assets that Johann has had access to will have to be frozen indefinitely by the police for security reasons... and that's not all..."_

Grabbing another document from his desk, Viggo added _"you've also got tremendous debt repayments on your property, which it seems were quite severe even before you hired Johann..."_

"Uh-huh..." Hiccup snarked as he had his palm to his face.

 _"Prior to his disappearance, Johann hadn't filed any of your tax returns in the time he worked for you, and the monthly mortgage on your restaurant hasn't been paid since Mr Haddock resigned as your accountant two-and-a-half months ago..."_

"Wait, what?" Tuffnut said. "Uh... we didn't have a mortgage, _RBC_ was fully paid for..."

"I'm afraid not, Tuff..." Hiccup looked at the financial records on his laptop. "There's still a good 40,000 dollars still outstanding..."

 _"But you should be able to fix this problem within the next year or so..."_ Viggo said as he sat down at his desk. _"Provided you can get your restaurant back up and running..."_

"How do we do that, then?" Tuffnut asked.

 _"Oh boy... that's my cue..."_ Hiccup groaned under his breath as the twins both looked at him. Ruffnut froze for a second, saying "wait... cue for what?"

 _"After deliberations with Heather, Hiccup here has generously agreed to resume his employment as your accountant..."_ Viggo explained. _"Mr Haddock will debrief the conditions that you, Miss Thorston, will have to meet in order for him to work for you again, but other than that, our time here is just about up..."_

He cleared his throat and stood up from his desk, saying _"if you have any other questions, talk to the secretary on your way out. Good day."_

As Viggo left the office to attend to other business, Hiccup remained silent as Tuffnut said "alright, Dick-up. What is it you wanna leech off of us now? A pay-rise?"

"No, but I'm pretty sure Ruff knows the one thing she needs to _not_ do anymore if I'm gonna work for you again..." Hiccup nonchalantly put his laptop back in his briefcase and tucked it under his arm as he added "and that's pretty much everything... I'll be around later this week... and I'm _definitely_ looking forward to it..."

Ruffnut scoffed, glaring at Hiccup with her arms crossed as he stood up and left the twins alone in the office.

She kept pouting like a spoiled child as she and her brother got up and prepared to go, muttering _"ungrateful little shit..."_ under her breath. "Come on, Tuff... let's get the Hel out of here... if Hiccup thinks he's... like... _won_ something by doing this, he's got another fucking thing coming!"


	36. Incognitio

**_"From now on, when we do stuff like this... I'm not Chef Hofferson the celebrity... and you're not Mr Haddock the accountant... you're Hiccup, and I'm Astrid... got it?"_**

* * *

 **12:05pm**

When Hiccup got back into his apartment, he decided to spend the rest of the day trying to follow the ground rule that Astrid had established for him the night before. So he stood in his bedroom, positioning the mirror on his closet door so that he had someone to talk to.

 _"Okay... okay, here goes..."_ Hiccup took a deep breath and cleared his head as he thought about what to say. "So... hi Ch... _damn!_ Ugh... okay... hey Astrid. You look nice this evening, Chef... **FUCK!** Aw, come on, man, get it together already! Be casual!"

* * *

 **13:15pm**

Hiccup had been talking to his reflection for over an hour when he heard the **_PING!_** of his phone on the counter.

 _"Ugh... son of a bitch..."_ he groaned under his breath. Usually it was Ruffnut texting at this time, but now that he was working for them again he wasn't able to just ignore the texts like he had before. So he went to get the phone, saying "alright... what now, Ruff...?"

 _Inbox: **1 unread message...** you have... **1...** new message from... **Astrid H**._

"Oh..." Hiccup felt both surprised and relieved by this, exhaling lightly as he opened the message.

 _Hey, babe.  
Filming next episode. Real slog right now. Almost makes me wanna _😫 🔫, _LOL.  
Thinking about you X can you meet me later?_

* * *

 **The Hidden World, Berk Shopping Centre - 14:27pm**

Hiccup sat on a small, wooden bench close to the exit of the mall, right where Astrid had told him to wait. He hadn't changed out of the suit he'd worn during the meeting with Viggo, but since Astrid was most likely coming from work as well, she probably wouldn't have minded. He waited there for about ten minutes, but there was no sign of her, and the time she'd told him to be there passed at least seven minutes ago. **_PING!_**

 _Inbox: **1 unread message...** you have... **1...** new message from... **Astrid H.**_

With a great bundle of dread that she may have cancelled, he closed both his eyes as he got his phone out, peeking one eye open to look at the message.

 _OMG, Hiccup. I am so, so sorry I'm late. Got really held up._  
 _Can you just go wait by that empty hallway right in front of the exit for me? I'm nearly there X._

"Hallway.. hallway... ah, there!" Hiccup put his phone in his pocket and went to the three revolving doors that made up the exit of the complex. The hallway mentioned in the text was placed next to the door furthest to the right, and since it was still undergoing renovation it was completely barren save for a single dull ceiling lamp at the end of it.

So he waited between the hallway and the doorway, glancing between both his phone and the door to see if he could spot her. He was just about to call her when...

"Hey!" he barely had time to react as a figure behind him suddenly grabbed his arm and yanked him into the hallway. This woman wore dark sunglasses and a long black trench coat, and had a large bundle of auburn hair that slightly covered the right side of her face.

 ** _"What the Hel are-whoa!"_** Hiccup was surprised when the woman grabbed him by his tie and pulled him into a kiss. He managed to free himself as he said **_"alright, look lady! I don't know who the fuck you even are, but I have..."_**

 _"Hey, hey! It's okay, it's okay... alright, just relax, Hiccup... ha ha... it's me..."_ the woman took off her sunglasses to reveal her piercing, beautifully familiar blue eyes. It took Hiccup a second to process who it was, but when a strand of blonde hair slipped out from under the auburn wig the woman was wearing, he suddenly blushed and went wide-eyed at the same time.

 **"Gods... Astrid?!"**

 _"Uh-huh..."_ she pushed the strand of her own hair back under the wig. _"What do you think? Not that bad being a master of cookery **and** disguise, huh?"_

"Wait, wh... what's wig the with... ugh... I mean what's... ugh, why are you dressed like... like fucking Private Eye Elastigirl?!"

 _"I'm just going incognito..."_ she said mischievously as she put the sunglasses back on. _"Look, it's for your sake... if the press saw us out in the middle of the day at a place like this, you'd never hear the end of it..."_

"Hm... well, I guess that makes sense... wait, why didn't you do this last time, then?"

Astrid scoffed, putting her hands on her hips as if she were on an episode of _Helheim's Kitchen_ as she said _"how many paparazzi reporters do you think hang out in Hooligan Memorial Park past seven, Hiccup?"_

"Uh... not many, I guess..."

 _"Exactly. And how many do you think hang out in busy shopping malls in the middle of the day like this?"_

"I'm guessing it's a lot."

 _"Right again..."_ Astrid pecked him on the cheek, before adding _"so... I figure this means you're definitely gonna have to call me just Astrid instead of Chef Hofferson now..."_

"Ha ha... yeah, well, funny you should say that, because... I have been practising doing it... calling you Astrid that is..."

 _"Ooh, very impressive. Well, how about we just walk and talk then, as your final exam?"_


	37. Date

**14:53pm**

 _"So you became an accountant to help your mom, huh?"_ Astrid said as they walked through the dining quarter where all the fast food restaurants were.

"Well... technically not, I mean... I was studying to be an accountant anyway. But then, well, my dad died and Mom was left with the whole restaurant to run... so in the last few months I had before getting my degree I took a few courses and read a bunch of books on restaurant-specific accounting... just so she could have a little more support, y'know..."

 _"Hm... right... but didn't your firm make, like, a whole area just for restaurants so you could work on it... or at least, that's what your mom told me..."_

"Yeah, I mean... I had nothing to do with that, they just decided to make it since about 90% of my clients were restaurant owners, ha ha... so yeah... you're looking at the representative of Bucket And Mulch Accounting's restaurant resources division..." he snarked in a faux-confident tone as he stood a little taller. "Pretty funny, right?"

Astrid chuckled, saying _"I guess... I mean, from what I'm assuming, it seems that your job is basically the same as mine, but you don't have your own show..."_

"Well, I don't have to taste their food or look in their kitchens... I just advise on their spending... so I probably have it easier than you have, Astrid..."

 _"Wouldn't be so sure... some of the people on Flightmares can be just as stubborn with their money as with their recipes... trust me."_

"I guess you do have a point... I mean, for the most part my clients are mostly okay with their spending and they're really nice and welcoming to me, but... ugh..."

 _"What?"_

"Nothing, it's just... ha ha, look these... this one place I work for, in fact I literally just started working for them again when you texted today, is owned by quite possibly the biggest _narcissist_ in this entire Archipelago..."

 _"That's saying a lot, considering your mother..."_ Astrid chortled slightly.

This prompting Hiccup to roll his eyes as he said "no, no, come on, Mom, she's... she's stubborn, yeah, but she does listen to people she knows she can trust, or just people who make a big enough impression..."

Astrid smirked as he said "I mean, Mom was basically a vegetable when you guys had your little feud that night, Astrid, but... but this girl, she's... she's actually _got_ narcissism... as in, the actual mental illness..."

 _"Oh, gods... seriously?"_

"Yeah. Trust me, I've read up on it... she's basically a textbook example... I mean, she's self-centred, she doesn't listen to anybody, she always wants attention and... and... ugh... and gods, she is so damn entitled!" Hiccup nearly shouted that last part, but managed to contain himself since they were still in a public place.

 _"Pft... alright, well if she's so horrible, why are you still working for her, then?"_

"That's as big a mystery to me as is it to anybody, Astrid..." he snarked. "It was actually the night I got my promotion that I quit first time, because she... uh..."

* * *

 _What the Hel are you doing?!_ the negative-thinking side of his brain suddenly butted in. _Why would you want to tell her about that night with Ruffnut? It's literally the most unmanly thing we've ever fucking done! You want Astrid to like you, she can't know about that! If dressing up like Doctor Who on your first date didn't turn her off, telling her you turned down sex from a woman like some pillow-biter definitely will!_

* * *

Standing there frozen as he thought this, Hiccup had almost forgotten that Astrid was there with him, jolting back to reality as she nudged his arm and said _"Hiccup... because of what?"_

He looked at her silently for a good five seconds as she looked at him, noticing that she'd taken off her sunglasses and was clearly concerned for him. He had been almost hypnotised by how beautiful her face and eyes were, but then he finally remembered what they were talking about. _"What made you quit?"_

"Wait, wh... uh... oh, right. Um... it was, uh, it was nothing important... just a really petty thing..." he lied as he straightened his tie and tried to laugh nervously, but Astrid raised a suspicious eyebrow to imply that she could _tell_ he wasn't being entirely truthful.

Since dragging out this point was clearly making him uncomfortable, Astrid simply smiled and put her sunglasses back on as Hiccup regained his casual, confident tone and added "but anyway... turns out, without me, they employed one of the dudes that bankrupted that Dragon's Eye place..."

 _"Beard of Thor..."_ Astrid muttered under her breath. _"Take it that didn't end well for them..."_

"Oh, it was fine... I mean, aside from the fact that a bunch of their assets just got frozen by the police... but anyway, uh... we agreed that I was the best person to help them through this little slump, but... well... y'know... long story short, she and her brother are a nightmare..."

 _"Yeah... I know a stressed-out man when I see him, Hiccup..."_ she patted him on the back comfortingly, before her eyes widened a bit as she had an idea. _"Hey, uh... say, do you have a CD player?"_

"Oh, yeah, ha ha..." he laughed in a slightly embarrassed tone. "I actually got a really big, stupid music player, and it's also a Karaoke machine, from my buddy Snotlout at work for Snoggletog lasty year... it's in my apartment in my _Gifts I Can't Return_ box... so why'd you ask?"

 _"Cause I know just what you need... come on!"_ she said excitedly as she took his hand and started pulling him somewhere else in the Mall.

* * *

 **15:17 - Floor 1 - Powell's Record Store**

Hiccup stood silently behind Astrid, holding her sunglasses for her as she looked through the B section of the A-Z shelves of CDs available to buy. "Astrid, maybe it'd be nice if you told me exactly what we're doing here..."

 _"I'm getting you a coping mechanism..."_ she snapped impatiently as she got back to searching through the shelves. _"Alright... Bellamy Brothers, Ben E. King, Bent Fabric... **AH-HA!** This is the one!"_

She grabbed one of the CDs off of the shelf and held it up for Hiccup to see. _Ben Folds: Rockin' The Suburbs - Karaoke Edition_.

"Folds, huh? Well, my dad was a big fan of his..."

 _"Great. Now you need to buy this."_

"Buy it? Uh... why?"

 _"Because when I get really, really stressed out, Hiccup, I do one of two things to vent it. One of them is basically fucking myself..."_

"That's nice..." he snarked.

 _"And the other is singing along to an awesome, aggressive rock song. And this song is the best for the job."_

"Pft... look, Astrid, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I'm not getting that CD..."

 _"Hiccup!"_ she suddenly reverted to the stern persona she normally saved for her shows. _"Either you buy this CD, or I'm buying it for you. And I've already got a copy of it anyway, so you're gonna have to have it."_

"Alright, alright! Fine, okay..." he passed her the sunglasses and took the CD off of her. "I'll get it, Astrid... but only because I don't want you to get mad at me for _not_ getting it..."

 _"Hm... well, as long as you're getting it..."_ she put her sunglasses back on and crossed her arms confidently. When he saw her strike this distinctly... _Astrid_ pose, he wondered how he ever could have failed to recognise her, even with her wig and sunglasses.

Nevertheless, he got out his wallet and extravagantly said "alright... this is me... buying a Ben Folds CD, because a celebrity chef who I call by her first name is making me do it!"

 _"Gods, Hiccup... it's good music... what's the point of even complaining?!"_

* * *

 **15:30 - Floor 2 - Hidden World Cineplex**

 _"Well... that was crap..."_ Cami grumbled under her breath as she and Heather stepped out of the finished screening for the all-female _Dragonbusters_ reboot.

"Yeah... can't really say much else, ha ha..." Heather grumbled back. "I mean, I don't like _Dragonbusters_ as a franchise anyway, but I thought you'd love it..."

 _"I know, I know... I read the reviews, and I heard about people walking out, but... ugh..."_ Cami groaned as she put her hand to her face. _"But I just thought they were just a bunch of stupid old men being misogynists... but they weren't kidding. That was a pile of..."_

 _ **"Holy shit!"**_ Heather quickly ran to the balcony, looking across to the Record Store on the lower floor. Cami was confused by this, saying _"uh... what's up?"_

"It's Hiccup! Look!" Heather pointed excitedly as Cami squinted to see Hiccup standing at the till for the Record Store with an auburn-haired woman in sunglasses. The pair walked out of the shop with the woman taking Hiccup's hand and leading him excitedly to the empty hallway next to the exit.

 _"Who's that lady he's with?"_ Cami asked as Heather shrugged, before they both went wide-eyed as the woman's speed caused the wig to fall off her head and exposed her familiar golden hair, prompting her to dart quickly into the hallway so nobody could see her. They kept watching as Hiccup picked up the wig, laughing as he went to the woman in the hallway and held it for her with a smile.

* * *

"Excuse me, milady, but I believe you dropped something..." Hiccup snarked as he held the wig for Astrid to take.

She took off her sunglasses and took the wig out of his hand with a smug grin, saying _"my hero..."_ as she grabbed his tie and dragged him into a kiss.

* * *

 ** _"Holy fucking moly!"_** Cami's jaw dropped as she saw this. _**"He's fucking Astrid Ho-whoa!"**_

Heather covered her friend's mouth and dragged her into an empty corner of the higher dining area. "Shut up! Don't draw attention to them..."

 _ **"But he's..."**_

"I know, he is! I know, because he told me..."

 _ **"What? You knew?!"**_

"Yes!" Heather said in slight annoyance. "But we can't breathe a word of it to Ruff! You understand?!"

 _ **"Pah! Fuck Ruffnut! I'd never tell her shit anyway!"**_ Cami snapped excitedly. ** _"Hiccup's got a girlfriend, and she's a celebrity chef, Heather! This is fucking great!"_**


	38. Pass

**16:07pm - Dragon Island Apartment Block**

 _"Can I ask you a question, Astrid?"_ Hiccup said as they stood in the elevator while it went up. She had her coat folded over her arm, her sunglasses were hanging off of the V-neck on her blue shirt and Hiccup was holding her wig for her.

 _"Well, ha ha, you just did, but I'm perfectly fine with hearing another one. Go ahead..."_

"I was just wondering how many times you've actually gone undercover on a date with someone..."

 _"Ugh... ha ha... well, to be honest, this is the first time."_ Astrid said. _"I mean, technically they weren't proper dates, though... they were just tabloid fodder, y'know... celebrity chef going out for dinner with some other celebrity just to boost ratings, all that crap... come to think of it, Hiccup, you uh... you're pretty much the first person I've actually been on a genuine, actual date with... like, ever..."_

"Wait... really?"

 _"Yeah, **really** really... ha ha..."_ Astrid scratched the back of her head as she stepped out of the elevator to the floor Hiccup's apartment was on. Hiccup followed her out, before she suddenly said **_"ooh, almost forgot!"_**

She took his hand and got on her tip-toes to peck him on the cheek. _"Congratulations..."_

"Congr... wait, for what?"

 _"You passed your exam... with flying colours, I might add..."_ Astrid answered with an eyebrow raised. Hiccup was confused at first, but suddenly went wide-eyed as he said _**"oh, the naming thing!"**_

 _"That's right... ha ha... 100% right... with the exception of one Milady, you called me Astrid the whole way through... not once did you call me Chef Hofferson..."_ she said confidently as she patted him on the back while they got to Hiccup's door. _"I gotta say, I'm real proud of you, Hiccup... we've actually come real far with this whole thing already..."_

"Yeah... yeah, I guess we have... ha ha..." Hiccup answered as he unlocked his door and opened it. "So... uh... I'll wait for your next text, then..."

 _"Eh... probably not..."_ Astrid said, which prompted Hiccup to stick his head into his head so he could silently mouth the word _"shit!"_ without her seeing.

* * *

 ** _Oh my gods, I fucking knew it!_** the now _extremely_ negative-thinking side of his head thought. **_She really is a two-timing, tabloid-seeking, manipulative little c..._**

* * *

 _"I'm finishing with the current restaurant on Friday, so my phone's probably gonna be off then... you can pick me up straight from there, if you have a car..."_

"Oh... oh, right, yeah!" Hiccup went back to being happily excited as he realised what she meant. "Although I have a bike... not a car..."

 _"Great. I'll pack my helmet, then..._ " Astrid laughed, but then _**it**_ happened.

She became still as a statue when Hiccup suddenly kissed her on the lips. It was only a light one, no tongues were involved and she could tell by the feel of his lips that he was extremely nervous about having done it, but the fact that _he_ was the one initiating it instead of her caught Astrid completely off-guard, in the best way possible.

He smiled at her as he pulled away, holding his door and going into it as he said "I'll, uh... I'll see you Friday, then... bye, Astrid..."

 _"B... b-bye?!"_ she was still slightly frozen and stuttering as she tried to stop him from shutting the door, but it was too late.

 _"Shit! How could you tease me like that?!"_ she muttered under her breath, devastatingly disappointed that nothing further was going to happen between them that day. She spoke loud enough for Hiccup to hear on the other side of the door as she said _"make sure you use that Ben Folds CD, Hiccup!"_

"Will do!" he called back, prompting her to chuckle as she tucked her wig into her folded coat and left.

 _"Third time's a charm, Astrid..."_ she said to herself quietly as she got back in the elevator and it closed behind her. _"Third time's a charm..."_


	39. Karaoke

**19:34pm**

Hiccup sat on the couch, looking at the CD Astrid had made him get. It clearly wasn't the clean version of _Rockin' The Suburbs_ from that animated movie where the woodland creatures rob a suburbia. It was the original, and had all the nasty curse words completely uncensored. Theoretically perfect for venting anger.

 _This isn't gonna work_ the negative-thinking side of his brain thought. _She's well-meaning, but as far as I'm concerned, she's also delusional._

"She's proved us wrong before..." Hiccup muttered under his breath. "Fuck it... I'm giving it a shot... while the rest of the block's empty..."

* * *

 **19:48pm**

Hiccup had gotten out an old guitar, a plug-in microphone and the karaoke machine from his closet, having set it up in front of his TV and moved his furniture out of the way. He placed the disk in the slot and went to where the microphone was posted.

As the electric guitar started playing on the music player, Hiccup gulped nervously as he held onto the microphone, his own guitar strapped around him. "Okay, Hiccup... okay, you can do this... you can do this..."

He took a deep breath as he saw the lyrics appear on the screen with a small purple ball that would tell him when to sing them, before saying "alright... it's go time..."

As the purple ball reached the first paragraph, he finally opened his mouth to sing along.

 _Let me tell y'all what it's like  
_ _Being male, middle-class, and white  
_ _It's a bitch, if you don't believe  
_ _Listen up to my new CD  
Sham-on!_

"Hm... well, that wasn't so bad..." he said to himself during the instrumental break, taking a deep breath as he put his mouth to the microphone and prepared to sing the next verse.

 _I got shit runnin' through my brain  
_ _It's so intense that I can't explain  
_ _All alone in my white-boy pain  
_ _Shake your booty while the band complains_

As the next instrumental came on, Hiccup found himself dancing and jumping in what was probably the dorkiest yet adorable way imaginable, holding his guitar before suddenly jerking his head forwards as the chorus came on.

 _I'm rockin' the suburbs  
_ _Just like Michael Jackson did  
_ _I'm rockin' the suburbs  
_ _Except that he was talented  
_ _I'm rockin' the suburbs  
_ _I take the checks and face the facts  
_ _That some producer with computers fixes all my shitty tracks_

"Okay... okay... seems okay so far..." he grumbled to himself, taking the biggest breath he could as he waited for the next verse to come around.

 _I'm pissed off, but I'm too polite  
_ _When people break in the McDonald's line  
_ _Mom and Dad, you made me so uptight  
_ _I'm gonna cuss on the mic tonight_

As he continued singing, Hiccup was glad that neither Phlegma or Mildew were in their apartments right now and he was the only one around, since his voice was most likely excruciatingly off-key.

 _I'm rockin' the suburbs  
_ _Just like Quiet Riot did  
_ _I'm rockin' the suburbs  
_ _Except that they were talented  
_ _I'm rockin' the suburbs  
_ _I take the checks and face the facts  
_ _That some producer with computers fixes all my shitty tracks_

 _Hm... I guess she was right_ the usually negative-thinking side of his brain thought. _This really is helping me to think less negatively... it's actually good you're not holding this in anymore... getting it out there, and all..._

Hiccup laughed a bit at this thought, and he realised that he was already feeling more free and more healthy than before. He then realised that the song was still playing so he had to continue singing along.

 _It wasn't my idea  
_ _It wasn't my idea  
_ _Never was my idea_

 _I just drove to the store  
_ _For some Preparation-H_

 _ **PING! PING!**_ _"Ah, Shit!"_

Hiccup left the music playing as he ran to pick his phone from off the counter. When he opened it, he realised that it had been pinging ever since he started singing, though he suddenly felt a great fury burn within him as the screen showed the second notification.

 _You have - **3** \- missed calls from - **Mom** \- and - **37** \- new text messages from - **Ruffnut**_

 _ **"UGH!"**_ Hiccup grunted, rushing back over to the microphone and pulling it off of the pole. He let tears go down his burning red face as he began singing more passionately than before. More aggressively. More _angrily_.

 _Ruff gets me real pissed off, and she makes me wanna say..._

 _Ruff gets me real pissed off, and she makes me wanna say..._

 _She get me real pissed off, and she makes me wanna say..._

 _ **FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!**_

He jerked his head back and forth aggressively with the tune of the guitar, nearly headbutting the pole as he continued shouting into the microphone, his voice breaking slightly every time he hit a high note.

 _I'm rockin' the suburbs  
_ _I take the cheques and face the facts  
_ _That some producer with computers fixes all my shitty tracks!_

With a single axe-like swing, he shattered the guitar into a dozen splinters on the floor but carried on singing.

 _I'm rockin' the suburbs!  
_ _Yeeeeeeeeeeah, yeah!_

 _I'm rockin' the suburbs!  
_ _Yeeeeeeeeeeah, yeah!_

He was panting and wheezing heavily as the music died down, short of breath as he stumbled over to the music player and pressed the _**pause**_ button before the song reached the final guitar solo. _**"WHOO! Ha ha ha... FUCK-YEAH! Ugh..."**_

Having utterly depleted his energy through doing this, he simply collapsed back with a groan onto the sofa behind him. "And thank you, Astrid Hofferson..."


	40. Secret

**8:39am - Ruffnut's Baking Company**

 ** _"Hey, Heather!"_** Hiccup called in a surprisingly warm tone as he came in, waving to the slightly surprised, wide-eyed waitress who stood behind the counter as usual.

"Oh, uh... hey... Hiccup, you... you look uncharacteristically happy today... no offence..."

"None taken... ha ha... who else is here?"

"Well, Ruff's gonna be gone for about a half-hour and Tuff's still hungover after we had a toast for you coming back to work here again..."

"Wait, seriously?"

Heather opened her speak, before a voice called in from the kitchen. _**"Hey, is that Hiccup?!"**_

"Yeah. Right here, Cami..." he answered as she hurried in, putting her elbow on the counter and using her hand to prop her head up as she said _"so... how's you-know-who?"_

Hiccup was taken slightly aback. "Who do you mean?"

 _"Oh, y'know... blonde hair, blue eyes, red headband, short temper, uh... what else? Oh yeah... **celebrity chef!** "_

 _ **"What?!"**_

Heather put up her hands to calm him down, chuckling a bit as she said "it's okay... Hiccup, don't worry, I've only told Cami... and we also saw you guys together at the Mall yesterday when we were leaving _Dragonbusters_..."

 _"B... but she was wearing a disguise... how did y..."_

"It was right after you left that record shop... when she lost her wig..." both girls were chortling a bit as Heather said this, before she added "gotta admit, Hiccup... you seemed to be enjoying yourself a lot..."

"Well.. yeah... I guess I was, yeah..." Hiccup sighed a bit, before adding "so... now you guys know, huh?"

 _"Yep, and we are so fucking **HAPPY** about it! Come here, Romeo!"_ Cami leapt over the counter and wrapped Hiccup into a tight embrace. "Oh, I knew you were gonna charm someone eventually!"

"What the fuck is going on here?!" a voice suddenly said, prompting the three of them to see Ruffnut standing in the open door.

"Uh... morning, Ruffnut..." Hiccup awkwardly said as Cami let him go and he flattened down the creases the hug had made on his suit. He cleared his throat, saying "Cami was just welcoming me back... I'm just here to give the first weekly update on your financial situation..."

"Great. I'll be about five minutes..." Ruffnut said in a faux-sweet tone as she shoved past Heather and went into the kitchen. Hiccup looked nervously at both Heather and Cami, the former whispering _"our lips are sealed..."_ as the latter winked encouragingly.

"Hoo..." Hiccup exhaled in relief. "Thank gods..."


	41. Revelation

**19:30pm - Friday Night - Carpe Dine'em**

"Okay... any minute now..." Hiccup muttered to himself as he waited with his bike parked on the side-walk, across the street from the pizzeria Astrid was filming in. He was still wearing his biking helmet, which was coloured black with red highlights.

The aesthetic of the restaurant, _Carpe Dine'em_ , was appealing at least from the outside, and as far as Hiccup knew it most likely looked nice on the inside as well. He remembered coming here on a New Year's Eve party with the firm, and he remembered liking it there. Though it must have had a recent change in management if it was in need of Astrid's help.

* * *

 **ASTRID:** _So... from the looks of things, the couple that own this place have been very receptive of my changes... while it's obvious that only time can tell for certain, but I imagine that Carpe Dine'em has a bright future ahead of her, and I guess that pretty much concludes our first season of Kitchen Flightmares... now if you'll excuse me, I have an urgent appointment to attend to..._

* * *

 **19:33pm**

Astrid had changed out of her chef's jacket into a casual pair of blue jeans and a red sweatshirt with a large, fur hood before she ran excitedly out of the restaurant.

 _ **"Hiccup! Hey!"**_ as soon as she saw him, Astrid darted across the street and wrapped her arms around his neck, hoisting herself up to kiss him on the lips.

"Good to see you too, milady..." he said as she separated from him, before she grabbed him again and pulled him into a hug. "So... I'm assuming these guys weren't as bad as my Mom was..."

She laughed as she released him, saying _"eh... mixed bag... food was great, it's just... well, uh... y'know the Italians... ha ha..."_

"Whoa-ho... that's a little bigoted, isn't it? **Ow!** " they both laughed as she punched him affectionately on the shoulder. Her attention then went to the bike, as she said _"so... I take it this will be your noble steed for the night, then?"_

"Yep. The one and only..." Hiccup snarked as he patted the left handlebar of the bike. "I considered renting a gondola to go with the Italian theme, but unfortunately Berk doesn't actually have any ravines..."

 _"Nah... that'd probably be a little overkill... ha ha..."_

He was already wearing his helmet so Astrid pulled out her own, which was similar in design to his but coloured blue with yellow highlights. As Hiccup got on the bike, she sat behind him and had her hands on his shoulders. _"Besides... I think a romantic bike ride's a lot less boring than a romantic gondola tour..."_

He was slightly nervous at this, clearing his throat and saying "uh... just think you should know, Astrid, um... I've never actually used this thing with a passenger before, so um... not really sure if this'd be a good idea..."

 _"Hm... you might have a point..."_ Astrid let go of his shoulders and moved her hands down to wrap her arms around his waist. She then kissed him lightly on the cheek, chortling as she added _"there... all strapped in... let's get a move on, huh?"_

* * *

 **20:03pm - Stoick's Place**

The episode of _Flightmares_ that focused on _Stoick's Place_ had been on television for the first time the night before. As a result, the restaurant had been full today with many people who had seen the episode coming to either ask questions about it or try the new menu. Overall, it had been very successful, and simply for the sake of her surprised and exhausted staff, Valka decided to close early for the night.

After feeding Cloudjumper, Elsa put on her coat and went to the back exit. She saw Valka finishing up in the kitchen, saying _"uh... hey, Val?"_

"Ah, is that y'off, dear?"

 _"Yeah. I just wanted to say night..."_

"Great. Good night, love!" Valka called back with a smile as Elsa left, before going to the main desk where Cloudjumper was nodding off. She took his cage off it's hook, holding it up and saying "so... what d'you say we call it a night, Cloudjumper?"

 ** _KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!_**

 _"Oh, Gods..."_ Valka groaned, going to the front door and opening it as she said "look, I hate to tell you this, but I'm afraid we're cl... oh... Chef Hofferson..."

 _"Yeah... Hi, Val..."_ Astrid stood alone on the welcome mat, her helmet tucked under her arm. _"Was just hoping I'd get to talk to you about how this place has been doing since I saw you last..."_

"Oh, well that was quick..." Valka laughed nervously as she held one of her own braids. "The episode was only on the telly last night, y'know..."

 _"Wait... oh right, yeah... it was, wasn't it... uh... shit..."_ Astrid mumbled under her breath, before turning away from Valka and shouting **_"alright, babe, you can come up now!"_**

She turned back to Valka, slightly embarrassed as she said _"sorry, Val... we wanted to make this a surprise, but... whatever..."_

"Surprise? What surp... _Hiccup?!_ "

"Yeah... hi, Mom..." Hiccup said, also slightly embarrassed as he came up the stairs and stood on Astrid's right. He briefly hesitated putting his hand on the girl's left shoulder, but eventually decided to do it as he looked back at Valka with a nervous smile on his face.

Valka was completely silent, having a finger pointed upwards as her mouth hung open while she tried to process what was going on. "I'm sorry... what's, um... what is this..."

* * *

 _Oh, Gods. This is gonna be so humiliating_ the negative-thinking part of Hiccup's brain thought. _Why did we even agree to this?!_

* * *

Astrid cleared her throat, saying _"well, Valka... I just wanted to let you know that Hiccup here is... well... ha ha... he's my boyfriend now!"_

 _ **"Wait, what?!"**_ Valka suddenly shot back to life, pointing at her son and saying **_"Hiccup, is th... is this true? As in, not a joke or anything like that...?"_**

"Well, um..." Hiccup itched the back of his head nervously, before taking his hand off of Astrid's shoulder to hold her right hand tight. "Yeah, Mom... it's basically true, so..."

 ** _"Oh, come here, you two!"_** Valka grabbed them both and pulled them into a tight hug. She released Astrid first so she could look at Hiccup, planting dozens of overbearing kisses his cheeks and forehead. _"Aw, Mom, Come on! Not in front of Astrid..."_

Valka ruffled his hair as she let him go, saying "ha ha... I knew y'had it in ya, son... oh, the good old Haddock charm, just like your father... and as for _you_ , Chef Hofferson..."

She put a proud hand on Astrid's shoulder, taking on a warmer tone as she said "well... it seems you've got quite a habit for changing our family's lives around, eh?"

 _"Yeah... I guess..."_ Astrid said, before Valka hugged her even tighter than before. Astrid was struggling to breathe, but managed to give Hiccup a thumbs-up which he happily returned.

* * *

 _Ugh... alright... I was wrong... she's for real, and she's definitely a keeper..._ the usually-negative-thinking side of his brain thought. _Now what?_

* * *

 **AN: Happy New Year 2019, everyone!**


	42. Consumation

**21:49pm - Dragon Island Apartment Block**

"Okay, so... there's my Mom... there's Heather, from _RBC_... ooh, and Cami from _RBC_ too..." Hiccup counted the names on his fingers as he and Astrid stood in the elevator. "And, uh... that's pretty much everyone who actually knows about this whole thing..."

 _"Pft... three people?"_ Astrid had an eyebrow raised, but smirked as she said _"well, it's funny, cause I'm pretty sure when most normal people even meet me they talk about it to literally every person they see... but you, Hiccup... you seem to be actively trying to not tell people about it... which is fine, and all, I mean I'm not complaining, but... why?"_

"Well, I don't know how to say this without coming off as a dick, but uh... well... ugh..." he pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath before saying "I've never actually watched any of your shows... there... there, I said it..."

 _"Wait, what?"_

"Yeah... Gobber's the one who got us on _Flightmares_... ha ha... he used to work for my dad before he became your editor..."

 _"Okay... but... how can you come off as a dick for saying that, though?"_ she asked curiously as they reached the floor and stepped out of the elevator.

"Look, I dunno... I just..."

 _"Gods, I'm not a narcissist, Hiccup... ha ha..._ _you're not the only person in the entire world who's not watched my shows, so it's not like I'm gonna get offended by that..."_

"Well, okay, but... look, I dunno why I said that, I guess..." he scratched the back of his head, putting his hand on the now-unlocked door as he added "alright, I _did_ think about watching them after you invited me to the park, because I thought maybe I'd have to get the general... _gist_ of you, first..."

 _"Pft... gist, seriously...?"_ she leaned her hand on the door and got a bit closer to him, saying _"so... why didn't you...?"_

"Because I guess... ugh... it's a stupid reason..."

 _"Let's hear it..."_

"Alright, alright... I guess... look, I know I kept calling you Chef Hofferson and all, but I... I didn't wanna know you as the celebrity chef... I just wanted to get to know you as... well... _you_..."

Hiccup barely noticed that Astrid had gotten even closer to him, adding "yeah, cause... well, I... I actually... kinda... _like_ you, Astrid... and, well... maybe a little more than that..."

 _"That's all I needed to hear..."_ Astrid then grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him into a kiss, frantically using her free hand to open the door and let them into the apartment. She held onto Hiccup and kept her lips planted tight on his as he walked backwards into the apartment and she kicked the door shut behind her.

"Astrid... Astrid, are you sure about th- **AH!** " Hiccup tripped over the coach as he backed into it, causing them both to land back on it with Astrid on top, though she hadn't stopped kissing his face and lips. His hand eventually found it's way to the lamp on the table, switching it on as he managed to push Astrid back and quickly sat up on the couch.

They were both panting slightly after this, with Hiccup eventually looking at Astrid as she clutched her braid worryingly. The fly on her jeans was undone and her shirt was halfway up, with her stomach and bra being exposed. It was clear that she had done this with her free hands while they were in the dark, and she was looking at him without having any idea what to say.

Her voice was a midpoint between her usual confidence and what seemed almost like embarrassment as she said _"Hiccup, wh... wa... what's wrong... did you not... wanna...?"_

"Oh, uh... it's nothing, Astrid, it... it's ju..."

 ** _"Oh gods, I overstepped, didn't I?!"_** she put her palm to her face and looked away, hyperventilating and trying to stop herself from breaking down as she said **_"oh I am so, so sorry, Hiccup... I... I'm such a stupid... I didn't think, I just... ugh, I'm sorry!"_**

"No, no, wait! Please. Astrid, it... it's fine..." he took her hand gently to stop her from getting up, which helped her to relax a bit as she tried her best to look at him. "It wasn't your fault, y... you didn't do anything wrong, it's... it was just a little... a little _unexpected_ , that's all..."

 _"Unexpected...?"_

"I'm sorry, cause... I _do_ like you, Astrid, a lot... look, I know we've had so-called dates and all, but... Hel, I didn't even know if it was supposed to _be_ a date the first time, ha ha... and _I_ didn't wanna overstep or try anything stupid, in case... in case you weren't... y'know, _interested_ in me like that..."

 _"Weren't interested...? Ha ha... aw, Hiccup..."_ Astrid sniffled a bit with a smile as she stroked his hair out of his face. _"I just called you my boyfriend to your mom's face, for Thor's sake, how much more do I have to beat it into your head...?"_

"I'm pretty sure all your beatings have been into my shoulder... _**OW!**_ " Hiccup grunted as she hit him there again. He barely had time to process this as she sat on his lap, ruffling his hair with one hand and cupping his face with the other.

 _"Alright, Hiccup Haddock... guess I gotta spell it out for you, then..."_ she laughed a bit before she straightened up slightly, kissing him deeply yet tenderly on the lips. Their faces were mere centimetres apart as she whispered those three special words, without a hint of hesitation or regret in her voice as she did.

 ** _"I love you..."_**


	43. Morning After

**8:30am**

 _Well... that was a pretty awesome dream_ the negative-thinking side of his brain thought, Hiccup groaning slightly as he woke up. _Totally unrealistic, though..._

"Ha ha... ugh... man..." Hiccup pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment, putting on his glasses and getting out of bed. _I mean... come on... three dates with a celebrity chef who you get to call by her first name **and** you sleep with her on the third date? Our imagination is dangerous, bro, you gotta get medicated or something..._

Hiccup chuckled to himself as he contemplated just how seemingly-outlandish the dream actually was, making his bed and leaving a green sweatshirt and a pair of brown jeans on it before he went into the _en suite_ bathroom.

He had a shower, shaved the two days worth of facial hair he had grown and then brushed his teeth. Then, after putting on the clothes he'd laid on the bed, he opened the door to the living room and walked over to the couch. _"Hey, you..."_

 ** _"AAAGH!"_** Hiccup shrieked almost femininely, nearly jumping out of his skin as he jolted back. He tripped on the rope that he had bought the night Valka called him about the show and backed into the kitchen counter, knocking over several pans and utensils as he fell to the floor with a clattering **_CRASH!_**

 _"Hiccup! Oh, gods!"_ Astrid quickly ran over to where he'd fallen and got on her knees to check on him, digging him out of the pile of culinary equipment that he'd buried himself in. _"Man... ha ha... are... are you okay, babe?"_

"Yeah, I... I'm fine, I'm fine, I... uh... what are you... um... what are you doing... like, here...?"

 _"What am I d... oh, for Th... ugh, come on..."_ Astrid smirked as she offered him her hand, letting him take it as she pulled him to his feet and brought him over to the couch. _"Come on, sit on. I made some coffee... I mean, I assume you drink that since you have the coffee-maker and all..."_

Hiccup exhaled heavily as he sat down, watching as Astrid went back to the kitchen area and got out two mugs. It was here that he noticed her hair wasn't in it's usual braids, she didn't have her red headband on and she was wearing his old _Dragonbusters_ T-Shirt that he'd bought from Comic-Con a few years before.

Passing him his coffee while drinking her own, Astrid sat next to him on his right, shuffling up very closely with her head resting on his right shoulder and her arm reaching around the back of his neck to hold his left. _"I didn't even see you have a drink last night when we were with your Mom... ha ha... how the Hel are you this hungover?"_

"I'm not hungover. I'm just, kinda... _discombobulated_..." he took a sip from the cup she had given him. This was easily the best cup of coffee he'd had ever, and he was about halfway through the cup as he tried to speak again. "Look, Astrid, I think... I _do_ remember last night, I do... it's just... well, until I saw you sitting here on my couch a second ago I was under the impression that it was all a dream..."

 _"A dream... hm... well, I guess that's one pretty good way to describe it..."_ Astrid chortled a bit. _"I mean, yeah... I know it was a lot to take in, especially for you... like me saying I loved you, and not to mention the great night of sex, ha ha..."_

"And _that_ confirms it..." he snarked under his breath just loud enough for her to hear.

 _"So yeah... it happened, Hiccup... hm... and I don't regret a minute of it..."_ Astrid put her cup down and used her hand to hold Hiccup's face as she gave him a kiss on the cheek.

The negative-thinking side of his mind shrunk back to silence as Hiccup looked at Astrid with a smile. "So... I guess we're a... a thing now, huh...?"

Astrid chuckled, kissing him on the lips this time before she said _"you'd better believe it..."_

Hiccup exhaled in relief, before suddenly going wide-eyed as he said "Ah, shit..."

Astrid took her hands from Hiccup and straightened up on the couch a bit, clearly worried as she held his hand. _"What's up?"_

"Oh, man, uh... what time is it...? D... don't you have to get somewhere...? Like an appointment or... or like another... another restaurant or something... uh..."

 ** _"Pah! Fuck that... you think I'm some kind of fucking machine?"_** Astrid snarked with a laugh, pretending to be offended as she ruffled his hair. She snuggled up to him again, wrapping her arms around his waist this time as she was now resting her head on his chest.

 _"It's Saturday morning, Hiccup... and on Saturday mornings, I can do whatever I wanna do..."_ she said proudly. As she closed her eyes and tightened her embrace, she added _"and right now, what I wanna do is sit here cuddling for a few hours... with my new boyfriend..."_

"Well, uh... whatever you say, _Milady_..." Hiccup finally stopped worrying as he put his hand on her shoulder, laying his head back on the couch and closing his eyes as well.


	44. Job

**One Month Later - Friday Night - 22:37pm**

 _ **"Ugh! I fucking hate her!"**_ Cami groaned loudly with her voice breaking slightly as she stormed into her apartment and slammed it shut behind her. Ruffnut had been particularly hard to work with tonight, and the end of her shift couldn't have come soon enough.

Cami knew if she had spent about five minutes more in even the same room as Ruffnut that night, an intense, curse-word-filled argument would have broken out that culminated in her quitting her job. And if Heather weren't there to keep her at bay, it would have happened a lot sooner.

She slumped down on the small armchair in the corner of the one-room apartment and opened her laptop. "Ugh... fuck it... might as well give it a shot..."

Cami muttered a number of derogatory comments regarding Heather, Tuffnut and Ruffnut under her breath as she typed into the search bar: _available jobs in kitchen and restaurant._

When she clicked **Enter** and filtered the search to **Most Recent** , she went slightly wide-eyed as she saw the most recent result.

* * *

 **STOICK'S PLACE - AS SEEN ON HOFFERSON'S KITCHEN FLIGHTMARES** _(TM Berk Broadcasting System)_

 **New Staff Needed - APPLY NOW!  
**

 _ **Hello there. This is Valka Haddock, owner of Stoick's Place.  
You may also know me as the woman that Astrid Hofferson called a lazy c**t on TV (ha ha).**_

 _ **Well, thanks to Chef Hofferson, the restaurant is more successful and well-known than ever before.  
Unfortunately, we are experiencing a supply-and-demand problem regarding staff because of this.**_

 _ **We are in need of some new staff members. Mainly cooks and waitresses, but I'm sure we have other spaces too.  
Training is available, but experience of any kind in a kitchen is also welcomed and will be greatly appreciated!**_

 **If you're interested, contact me using the address below:**

* * *

 **Haddock Home - Saturday Morning - 7:30am**

In the half-hour that had passed since she woke up, Valka had made breakfast for herself and Cloudjumper, cleaned herself, gotten dressed for work and was now sitting down with a cup of tea, eating the breakfast she made while watching the morning news. She wasn't opening the restaurant until 9am, so she had a good hour to spare.

"Hm... Cloudjumper, you don't suppose anyone's answered that advert I put up last night, d'you?" she said as she eyed her folded laptop on the coffee table. The owl didn't answer or even acknowledge what she had said, being preoccupied with the piece of meat he was still eating.

Valka chuckled at him, rolling her eyes as she opened the laptop, logged into it and noticed the first notification on the screen.

 _Inbox: **1 unread message**... you have... **1**... new message from... __**CamicaziAKAZeGreatCamicazi**._

" _Ze Great Camicazi_...? Hm..." she grumbled a bit, being sure that she had heard this name somewhere before. Since the message said **RE: The Stoick's Place Job** , she was at least a little more sure that it wasn't some kind of troll or malware, so she clicked on it.

* * *

 _Hi, Mrs Haddock._ _My name is Camicazi Berthasdottir.  
You probably don't remember me, but we met about three months ago when your son Hiccup got a promotion._  
 _I was the short blonde girl with Heather (the taller black-haired girl) and you asked if we were lesbians. LOL._

 _Anyway, so I'm getting pretty sick of my job at RBC. Heather is too, but she won't admit it. So, I was in a bad mood tonight and decided to look for another job.  
I saw your ad, and I was wondering if we could apply. We both have experience in the kitchen as sous chefs, and Heather's stood in for waitresses too._

 _If you could arrange a meeting with us or something, that'd be great._

 _Cami._

 _P.S. If you could, give Hiccup and his girlfriend my regards. Ha ha._

* * *

As Valka finished reading, she sat thinking for a moment. "Hm... well, that sounds grand, doesn't it, Cloudjumper?"

He was still eating so he still didn't acknowledge her, prompting Valka to smirk as she turned back to the laptop and clicked **Reply**.

* * *

 _Hello, Camicazi._  
 _You both seemed like very lovely girls that night, and whenever Hiccup actually bothers to talk about RBC you two seem to be the only positive thing.  
I'd love for you both to come around to the restaurant for a job interview sometime this week. Would Tuesday morning be alright?  
Val._


	45. Wrong

**Stoick's Place - 11:15am**

"Hey, Mom!" Hiccup was the one to initiate the hug this time as he came in. Valka was a bit shocked for a split-second, but returned the embrace and brought him to her office to chat.

 _"Well, it's nice to have you coming around just because y'feel like it now, son... ha ha..."_ Valka poured herself some coffee and sat down at her desk. Hiccup scratched the back of his head, saying "well, I was kind of worried that I wasn't gonna see you as often if you weren't in desperate need for financial advice, ha ha..."

 _"Ah... it's good to finally see you not worrying when you're here anymore, Hiccup. So... how's Astrid?"_

"Yeah, she's pretty happy, especially with the Emmy nom... she's gonna be on _The Late Show_ tonight talking about it..."

 _"Aye, that's grand, that is. Is the category for Best Documentary Series or something...?"_

"Uh, no, actually it's Best Non-Scripted Entertainment. Or something like that. Ha ha..." Hiccup scoffed under his breath for a moment, before saying "to be honest, it was probably _your_ episode that got it for her, Mom..."

 _"Ah ha ha ha... oh, I'm sure of it, Hiccup, I'm sure of it..."_ Valka chuckled. _"Although, the folks at that pizzeria weren't exactly cooperative with her either, y'know..."_

"Well, you know the Italians. Ha ha... yeah, so uh... ooh, by the way. Did that ad you told me about get any attention?"

 _"Aye. Actually, it did... I only put it up last night before I went to bed and I got a few applications and interviews booked. Do you remember a girl called Camicazi?"_

"Like, Camicazi from _RBC_?"

 _"Aye, that's the one. The short blonde. She emailed and booked an interview for Tuesday. The other one might be coming too, um... Hetty, is it?"_

"Heather."

 _"Right, Heather. That's it. Apparently, they're getting sick of things over there..."_

"Hm... right..." Hiccup cleared his throat slightly and crossed his arms awkwardly. Valka knew the thought of this was making him uncomfortable, so she had to be careful with her approach to this. _"Um... Hiccup, dear..."_

"Ahem... uh, yeah... what is it?"

 _"That, uh... that Baking Company place... do you like it there...?"_

"Well, technically I've never actually been. I tasted the food nearly a year ago, and they had a bad day wh..."

 _"I mean... working for them, dear... y'know, the Thorstons, they... are they nice people?"_

"Uh... well, they're not friends, obviously, I mean there's the whole, client-accountant secrecy thing, uh... they're uh... they're okay, I guess..."

"Hm... they treat you well enough?"

"Mom, if you're implying that I can't handle them, th..."

 _"I'm not saying that, Hiccup... look, you're always happy as a clam when you talk to me or Astrid about your other clients, but you're always skipping over the twins. If there's something wrong about them, then you c..."_

 ** _"There's nothing wrong, Mom!"_** Hiccup snapped suddenly. It took about two to three seconds for his face to immediately portray an expression of regret and shame, exhaling slowly as his slightly reddened face returned to it's usual colour.

 _"Hiccup... Hiccup!"_ Valka tried to call him back as he left the office and quietly left through the back door of the building. She sighed as she put her hand to her face.

 _"It's Astrid's help he needs..."_ she muttered to herself. _"She'll know what to do..."_


	46. The Late Show

_**The Late Show With Thuggory The Meathead - BBS (Berk Broadcasting System)**_

 ** _"Hey, everybody! Welcome back! Folks, joining me tonight is an acclaimed chef and activist known for her work in Helheim's Kitchen and now the Emmy-nominated Kitchen Flightmares. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Astrid Hofferson!"_**

Astrid walked onto the studio as a montage of her many outbursts on her shows was shown on the screen in the background, the audience both laughing at the footage and cheering for her as she sat down on the couch and waved at them.

 _ **"So welcome to the show, Miss Hofferson. Great to see you tonight..."**_

 _"Yeah, Thug. It's great to be here... it really is..."_ Astrid laughed a bit as she crossed her legs with her hands resting on her kneecap.

 _ **"Tell me, Astrid, how's it feel to finally get a nomination for an Emmy?"**_

 _"It's great. Although, it's actually the show that's getting it, not me... ha ha..."_

 ** _"Yep. Best Non-Scripted Entertainment. In fact, we have a clip right here."_**

 _"Oh, do you?"_

 _ **"We do, indeed. See, BBS had a poll last week about people's favourite moments from the show, and this one only just beat the moment where you found all the rotten food in that Italian place."**_

 _"Oh Gods..."_

 _ **"Yeah, so this is a quick except from Episode 10, where you argued with this place's owner about the new menu..."**_

* * *

"If you're not happy, Astrid, then you're welcome to le..."

 _ **"I AM F***ING HAPPY!"**_

"Well, you're still welcome to leave."

 _ **"GO F*** YOURSELF!"**_

"Alright, be my gue..."

 _"Ugh... **I gotta get some air before I f***ing kill you!** Gods..."_

"It's still _my_ f***ing kitchen, Astrid!"

 _ **"IF IT IS YOUR F***ING KITCHEN, CLEAN IT, YOU LAZY C***!"**_

* * *

The audience was all laughing hysterically as the clip finished, dying down a bit as Thuggory said _**"apparently, you're the only person that woman has ever lost an argument with..."**_

 _"Yeah, it's probably true. But, y'know what... when she listens, she listens... y'know, she uh... she's actually kept my changes and the restaurant's a huge hit because of it now. I mean, we do know that the one we did just before hers, that uh... that New Orleans type place..."_

 _ **"Facilier's?"**_

 _"Yeah, that's the one... turns out they've already gone back on my changes and, uh... they're exactly what they were before I went to them... so... yeah..."_

 ** _"Hm... well, at the very least, the show was incredibly successful, so congratulations."_**

 _"Uh-huh. Yeah, thanks..."_

 _ **"So, let's talk about something a little more personal then. How's your love life?"**_

The audience chuckled a bit as Astrid grinned shyly and itched her arm nervously. _"Uh... what about it...?"_

 _ **"Well, it's no secret, Astrid, that you have a history of bad romances. My wife actually calls you the best example of why celebrity relationships never last..."**_

 _"Hm... well, I know what she means... and I am seeing someone..."_

 ** _"Ooh, interesting... not another soccer player, is he?"_**

 _"Pft... gods, no... he's um... he's an accountant. Not a celebrity, just... just a guy... a nice, sweet guy..."_

 ** _"Oh... hm, right... going for something a little more grounded, huh?"_**

 _"Well, yeah, I guess..."_

 _ **"Yeah. Y'know what, I actually commend that... look, I don't wanna tell you how to live your life, Astrid, but... if he's not a celebrity then that probably means there's a better chance of something actually being there..."**_

 _"I know, right, cause..."_ Astrid cleared her throat so she wouldn't start gushing dramatically. _"Yeah... he's a keeper... 100%..."_


	47. Affair

**Dragon Island Apartment Block - 23:40pm**

"Ha ha... hoo... man..." Hiccup exhaled under his breath as _The Late Show_ finished and he changed the channel.

 _Gods, I can't believe how close she was to actually name-dropping us!_ the more positive side of his brain thought.

 _Yeah, I guess..._ the other side thought, thinking more subtly and regretfully than usual. _But what are we gonna do about Mom after today...?_

Hiccup groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Right... maybe... maybe I'll just... give her a call or something... tell her that, uh... I'm okay, and stuff..."

 _A call?! Seriously?! I thought dating Astrid was supposed to help us stop being a pussy..._ the negative side flashed some of it's trademark snark when it thought this. _Nah. We gotta be a man about this. But we gotta do something quick, before she makes an even bigger deal out of it._

 ** _PING!_** a notification on his phone went off, prompting Hiccup to look at it with a smile.

 _Inbox: **1 unread message**... you have... **1**... new message from... _**💛 _Astrid_ 💛** _._

 _Oh good. We need something to help us feel better..._ the positive-thinking side of his brain thought as Hiccup opened the message.

 _Hey, you._  
 _Did you see the show? Just finished now._  
 _Can I stay at your place tonight? XXX  
Astrid_

* * *

 **Ruffnut's Baking Company - Monday - 8:19am**

 _ **"Shit-shit-shit-shit-shit!"**_ Ruffnut quickly grabbed her coat, rushing out of the kitchen past Heather towards the door. _**"Gotta go fast, gotta go fast, gotta go fast!"**_

"Wait, Ruff, wh... where are you going?"

 _ **"Ugh! Viggo just called to talk about the case!"**_ she snapped impatiently as she stopped at the door. _**"I swear to the gods, Heather! If I'm not here and you open this restaurant, I am gonna rip out your uterus and fucking eat it! Y'hear me?!"**_

"Loud and clear..." Heather snarked, rolling her eyes as Ruffnut quickly ran out of the door and slammed it shut behind her.

* * *

 **8:35am**

"Where the Hel have you been?!" Heather asked Cami impatiently as the latter came through the door. Cami scoffed nonchalantly as she walked past Heather and went to the kitchen to get their apron. "Ruff's been nagging my ass off since I got here... well, don't just ignore me, Cami! Where were you?!"

 _ **"Ruff...?... Ruff?! Tuff?!"**_ Heather heard Cami calling from the kitchen, before she came back into the dining area with her apron on. _"Where are those two morons now...?"_

"Tuff's hungover in their house, and Ruff got a call from Viggo about the Johann thing, so she had to rush out..." Heather still sounded pissed at Cami for her being late, not looking her in the eye and keeping herself fixated on the counter that Tuffnut had told her several times not to touch.

 _"So... it's just us, then...?"_

Heather chuckled, lightening up a bit as she said "yep... guess so..."

 _"Good, because I gotta tell you something..."_ Cami reached into her pocket and took out a sheet of paper that she put on the table to get Heather's attention. Heather curiously looked at her for a moment, picking up the sheet to read from it.

"Alright, so... _Stoick's Place, as seen on Hofferson's... blah, blah... new staff needed, apply now..._ ugh... Cami, why do you have this?"

Cami smirked smugly and put her hands on her own hips as she said _"why do you think?"_

"Oh, gods... seriously, you're quitting...?"

Cami chuckled as she playfully pressed Heather's nose as if it were a button. _"Look, I'd say it's pretty obvious that this is probably the single shittiest restaurant in the entire Archipelago... so I reckon it's time to move on to better things, don't you?"_

"Oh, for Thor's sake..." Heather rolled her eyes, passing the sheet back to Cami as she turned away from her. "I _knew_ when you got mad on Friday that you were gonna do something fucked-up, Cami! But _this_... this has surpassed even what I expected..."

 _"Aw, come on! What's fucked-up about this, Heather?!"_ Cami sounded both frustrated and offended as she added _"look, the owner is Hiccup's mom, Va..."_

"I _know_ who she is! But why would you do this, Cami?! Why?!"

 _"Do a background check! I did!"_ Cami snapped. _"Alright! Weekly wages at Stoick's Place are precisely 150% higher than what we get at RBC, and you get to make tips, too! Not to mention, you don't get treated like shit just because you actually know how to cook! Why wouldn't I do this, Heather?! You tell me!"_

"You should have told me first! Before y... you rushed into things! **Gah!** " Heather was close to pulling her own hair out as she looked away again with her arms crossed. "Cami, you are _such_ a selfish..."

 _"Selfish? How in the Hel am I being selfish here?! You're getting the interview too, Heather!"_

"I don't c... wait, I am?" Heather turned back with a brow raised, suddenly being notably more interested in what Cami had to say. Cami nodded excitedly, prompting Heather to scoff as she said "well... whatever, you still went behind my back to do this! I'm still... _27%_ pissed..."

Cami smirked, saying _"hm... and is the other 73% happy?"_

 **"Are you fucking kidding, of course it is!"** Heather squealed as she suddenly darted forwards and wrapped Cami into a hug that was tight even by Cami's usual, Bog Burglar standards. **"Yes, yes, yes! This is so great! We're finally getting the fuck out of here!"**

 _"Great to hear you agree..."_ Cami wheezed uncomfortably before Heather finally released her. They were both excitedly giggling as Heather scrambled to keep hold of the sheet. "W... when's the interview...?"

 _"Tomorrow. 8am... we're the first ones she's got in..."_ Cami said confidently, patting Heather on the back as she said _"I also did some other counting about wages there, Heather..."_

"Uh... what counting?"

 _"Well, with what we've got in our accounts now, if current rates continued we'd only have to work at Stoick's Place for 18 more months to make a certain dream of yours a reality..."_

"Dr... oh, you mean... y'mean Windsh..."

 _"Windshear's Palace. Correct."_ Cami brushed her hair aside as she stood confidently and arrogant. _"So yeah... no need to thank me or anything... ha ha..."_

Cami had expected another hug, but hadn't necessarily expected Heather to suddenly grab her by the apron and pull her forwards so that Cami's lips connected with her own. Heather's approach to the kissing was slightly more aggressive and hungrier than Cami had always imagined it would be, cupping Cami's face with one hand while tugging on the back of Cami's hair slightly with the other.

 _ **"Beard of fucking Thor!"**_ Cami suddenly forced herself out of it, panting a bit as she held her own chest to breathe. _**"What in the fuck is this?!"**_

"Oh... oh, man..." Heather nervously chuckled a bit, going red in the face as she held her braid anxiously. "I'm sorry, Cami, I... I didn't think... it was, like, an impulse or something...? Oh gods, I ruined the moment, didn't I...?"

 _"Hm..."_ Cami regained her confidence and let in her usual smirk. _"And here I was thinking you weren't interested..."_

She grabbed the necktie Heather was wearing and pulled her forwards. _"Now I'm gonna do something I've wanted to do since the day I threw those knives at you..."_

"Wait, what?"

Now it was Cami's turn, pressing her lips onto Heather's while keeping a tight grip on the tie. Heather still didn't give up complete control, getting a slight giggle out of Cami as she reached around her waist and put a hand on the shorter girl's backside. _"Ooh-hoo... you're not being shy about this, are you, Heather..."_

"Fuck it... I've been waiting to do this to you..." Heather snarked back as she continued her approach, eventually forcing Cami against the back wall as Cami took her legs off the floor and wrapped them around Heather's waist while their lip-to-lip contact continued.

 _"Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait!"_ Cami suddenly removed her lips from Heather's and pulled back a bit. _"H... what time's Ruff gonna be back?"_

"Oh, shit! Yeah... uh..." Heather held up her arm to check her watch. "Um... I imagine... about... twenty minutes, I guess..."

 _"Ah... I reckon that's enough time, don't you..."_

"Yep. I'll keep track..." Heather laughed, before Cami pulled her back into their passionate embrace.

* * *

 **8:59am**

 _ **"Alright, I'm back, girls! This place better not be open!"**_ Ruffnut called as she came in.

To her slight surprise, it actually _wasn't_ open, and Heather was still sitting at the counter, right where she'd left her. For some reason, her dark hair was slightly shaggier and more unkempt, her tie was hanging looser and the buttons on her shirt were fastened out of order. Perhaps she had looked like this before and Ruffnut hadn't noticed earlier since she was in a rush, but nevertheless, the waitress couldn't look like this in the middle of service.

 _ **"What the fuck, Heather?! Clean yourself up!"**_ she snapped, prompting Heather to straighten up almost like a shoulder. _**"Y'look like a slut!"**_

"Ugh... right, sure... whatever..." Heather wasn't as annoyed with Ruffnut's demands as the latter had expected, clearing her throat and flattening her hair back down as she re-buttoned her shirt and re-fastened her tie. Ruffnut scoffed as she walked past the counter, saying "is Cami here yet?!"

 _"Right here, boss..."_ Cami suddenly spoke up as she came out of the kitchen, with her apron being unusually creased while her hair was as messy as it always was. Ruffnut sighed as she walked past her, saying "great... now we're all here, we might as well open up..."

 **"You got it!"** Heather and Cami said in-sync with an enthusiasm that caught Ruffnut temporarily off-guard. After a moment of hesitation, she simply got to work, prompting Cami to wink flirtingly at Heather as she went back to helping the blissfully unaware Ruffnut with setting up the kitchen.


	48. Wrist Lock

**Dragon Island Apartment Block - 22:35pm**

"Alright, Hiccup... come at me!"

 _"Astrid, there is no way in Hel that I'm doing this..."_ Hiccup tried to laugh as he looked at the butter knife Astrid had just put in his hand while she stood on the other side of the room.

"Well, I can't just grab you. Alright, you gotta provoke me. It's a defence, remember, not an attack... besides... well, it _is_ a butter knife..."

"I swear to Thor. Astrid, if this is some kind of twisted trick where you make me stab you, I..."

"You're not gonna stab me, Hiccup." She sounded surprisingly encouraging as she said this. "I _trust_ you."

 _"Do you really?"_

"Of course. Ha ha, now come on... come at me..." Astrid made a beckoning gesture with her hand as she stood straight.

 _"Ugh... I'm gonna regret this."_ Hiccup muttered under his breath, before pointing the knife at Astrid and closing his eyes. Both sides of his brain were repeating the same motivational order over and over again.

* * *

 _Pretend it's Ruffnut. Pretend it's Ruffnut. Pretend it's Ruffnut. Pretend it's Ruffnut. Pretend it's Ruffnut._

* * *

He finally went for it, running towards Astrid with the knife pointing at her chest, only for her to slide gracefully to the left to avoid it. **_"AAAAGGGH!"_**

Within a second she had Hiccup caught in a wrist lock, twisting it slightly to disarm him before flipping over her back so he landed back-first on the pile of pillows she had placed behind her. _"Ugh... ow..."_

"See, what'd I tell you?" Astrid grinned as she looked down at him, with Hiccup's position making her face look upside down to him. "Pretty effective, right...?"

"Oh, absolutely... yeah, definitely, I uh... I can't wait to _not_ use or mention that move ever again, ha ha..."

Astrid held out her hand to him, with Hiccup grabbing her wrist and allowing her to pull him to his feet as he sat back on the couch. Astrid quickly jumped over the back of the couch to land next to him, tucking her head under his chin as she got herself comfortable. _"So, uh... Hiccup?"_

"Yeah..."

"Well, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to tell you this, but... _your mom called me today_..."

"Oh... uh... what about?"

"Um... well, you... you apparently had kind of a meltdown on Saturday when she asked you about that _RBC_ place you work at..."

"Okay, ha ha... alright, first of all, Astrid, calling it a meltdown is a _huge_ overstatement. Alright, I... I just got a little mad, yeah, but... but I left before it got any worse..."

"Well, I know, but... ugh..." Astrid managed to get out of her comfy position so she was sitting on the couch and facing him directly, speaking in a sterner tone as she said "Hiccup, there _is_ something wrong with that place. Alright, I _know_ there is. You always dance around it when I ask you about them, and sometimes when I sleep over here I can actually hear you getting mad when you read their stuff..."

"Look, Astrid, they're not bad, okay, they're... they're, uh... they're just really irresponsible with spending... and paranoid... and stubborn..."

 _"And narcissistic?"_ Astrid had a brow raised, clearly having remembered when Hiccup described Ruffnut as that.

"Alright, yeah, that too. I mean, y'know, ha ha... okay, just last week they spent about _$800_ installing these new HD security cameras and the only thing special about them is that they record audio!"

 _"Uh... is that even legal?"_

"Nah, probably not... apparently, they _intentionally_ chose not to tell me because they were worried I wouldn't approve..."

"Well... would you?"

"No! _Ha ha!_ No, of course I wouldn't... I mean, I only found out about it because I found the receipt on their bank statements, for Thor's sake... they still won't get rid of 'em, though..."

" _Gods_... see, Hiccup, I... I just don't get why you put up with this...?"

"Uh, I dunno, maybe because without me they got conned by those assholes who ruined the _Dragon's Eye_ and those are my conditions from their lawyer..." Hiccup snarked as he sat back on the couch.

"Okay, I know why, but... well, come on, Hiccup... you know _me_!" she shoved him playfully as she said this. "Look, Gustav's looking for new restaurants on the next season of _Flightmares_ right now, and..."

 _"Alright, I'm gonna stop you right there, Astrid, because that would be totally unnecessary..."_

"Unnecessary? Why would it be unnecessary?"

"Because it's not a Flightmare... alright, it's... it's tough, but... but it's doable... alright, ha ha... I can handle it, Astrid... just trust me, okay?"

Astrid raised an eyebrow, clearly a sign that she wasn't entirely convinced by this. Nevertheless, she smiled and got back into her comfy position, wrapping her arms around Hiccup's waist and pecking his cheek.

 _"If you say so, babe... if you say so..."_


	49. Tissue

**Stoick's Place - 8:15am**

"Well... I think this all checks out rather well... excellent, in fact, ha ha..." Valka closed the files, concluding the interview as she stood up to shake both Heather and Cami's hands. "I mean, obviously, you'll both need to come in for a trial run... um... when are you next free?"

 _"Uh..."_ Cami looked at Heather, who shrugged. _"Well, uh... I guess we both start at 5pm on Wednesday... see, they got a critic booked for that day at RBC, so they're putting all their focus on that... maybe, uh... eleven? In the morning, that is..."_

"Hm... aye, we can work with that." Valka chuckled as she got out her calendar book and wrote down the reminder. "So... eleven on Wednesday... Heather and Cami..."

"Oh, great. I just... thanks so much for this, Mrs Haddock..." Heather had her hand over her heart as she said this. "You really don't know what this means to us..."

"Aye, it's no trouble at all, dear..." Valka smiled, before sighing gently as she rubbed her forehead and thought about saying something. "Um... I was just wo... um... ugh, no that's stupid..."

 _"Wait, what is?"_ Cami asked.

"Nothing, it's just... well... if you don't mind me asking, girls, w... what's it like working over there at _RBC_?"

* * *

 **Ruffnut's Baking Company - 8:23am**

When Tuffnut called him, Hiccup had left Astrid sleeping in bed as he took his bike down to the restaurant. He walked through the empty dining area to the office where Tuffnut had told him to go, slowly opening the door to it. _"Uh... hey, Tuff... y'in here?"_

Tuffnut wasn't there, so Hiccup simply rolled his eyes as he entered the office. The computer screen that came with the cameras the twins had bought was set up on the table, and for some reason was surrounded by several scrunched up tissues and sheets of toilet paper and kitchen towel. Closing the door silently behind him, Hiccup went over to the table and put his briefcase down, leaning back against the table as he used his left hand to take out his glasses.

 _ **SPLAT!**_

He went slightly wide-eyed as he felt his right hand touch something on the table. It felt very sticky, almost like glue or paper mache paste, and he looked behind him to notice that his hand had directly landed on one of the tissues surrounding the computer. "What in the w..."

"Oh, Hiccup! You're here!" he turned to face Tuffnut as the latter entered the office. "Thank gods..."

"Uh... _hey_..." Hiccup tried to wipe his hand on the back of his trousers, but it wasn't any use, so he kept his hand behind his back so that Tuffnut didn't notice. " _So..._ where is everybody...?"

"Oh, Ruff's on her way here, and I think the two _traitors_ are coming soon, too..." there was a surprising tone of bitterness in Tuffnut's voice as he said this, walking behind the desk and logging into the computer.

" _Whoa-whoa-whoa-wait_... traitors? Tuff, what are y..."

"Heather and Cami!" Tuffnut snapped as he slumped down in the chair. "Those two _bitches_ got a job interview at some other restaurant... they're over there right now... fuckin' _skanks!_ "

"Alright, alright, don't use that language..." Hiccup sounded defensive as he said this. "So... did _they_ tell you this, or did you use your spy camera?"

"Spy camera, obviously... ha ha..." Tuffnut finished logging in and clicked on the video. "Told you this thing'd come in handy, Hiccup... here, check it out..."

* * *

 **Monday - Dining Area - 8:38am**

 _ **"Are you fucking kidding, of course it is!** "_ Heather squealed as she suddenly darted forwards and wrapped Cami into a hug that was tight even by Cami's usual, Bog Burglar standards. **_"Yes, yes, yes! This is so great! We're finally getting the fuck out of here!"_**

 _"Great to hear you agree..."_ Cami wheezed uncomfortably before Heather finally released her. They were both excitedly giggling as Heather scrambled to keep hold of the sheet. _"W... when's the interview...?"_

 _"Tomorrow. 8am... we're the first ones she's got in..."_ Cami said confidently, patting Heather on the back as she said _"I also did some other counting about wages there, Heather..."_

 _"Uh... what counting?"_

* * *

The audio glitched out for a moment, before coming back on again as Cami finished her sentence and Heather began hers. As Hiccup stood behind him, Tuffnut nudged him with his shoulder as he said "this is when things get _interesting_... ha ha..."

* * *

 _"Dr... oh, you mean... y'mean Windsh..."_

 _"Windshear's Palace. Correct."_ Cami brushed her hair aside as she stood confidently and arrogant. _"So yeah... no need to thank me or anything... ha ha..."_

* * *

 _"Geez..."_ was the only thing Hiccup could say when the footage showed Heather and Cami kissing and then going further than that. He averted his eyes when Cami's shirt was opened, but Tuffnut kept watching. "Alright, Tuff... _**alright, that's enough!**_ "

"Yeah... pretty hot, huh?" Tuffnut said with a perverted grin as he paused the footage, prompting Hiccup to look at him with a disgusted scowl. " _Seriously_ , Tuff?"

"Yeah, seriously... look, Ruff's gonna hit the ceiling when she finds out what they're planning to do. She's gonna get mad at me, and she's gonna get mad at them, and she's probably get mad at whoever they're trying to work for..."

 _"Ugh... right..."_ Hiccup scratched the back of his head nervously, before saying _"have you got any idea where they went..."_

"Nah... the volume glitched before they decided to screw... didn't hear where it was..." Tuffnut took on a slightly quieter, but more mischievous, tone as he leaned closer and said "but, uh, just between the two of us, Hiccup... y'know, _man to man_... I've had some uh... well, don't tell Ruff, but I've had a little _happy time_ watching this, if you catch my hint, ha ha..."

"What? _Happy time?_... Tuff, what the Hel are you t... _oh Gods_..." Hiccup went nearly catatonic as the realisation hit him like a ton of bricks. He stared with dread at the soggy tissues on the table, going wide-eyed as his throat began to tighten while Tuffnut looked at him ignorantly.

"What's up, man?"

 _"Ugh... oh, g... eek... bl... **FUCK!** "_ Hiccup kept his hand over his mouth as he darted out of the office to the nearest bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him. **_"BLERGH! GGEEERCH! Oh, son of a BLLLARGH!"_**

* * *

 **8:31am**

"Oh, hey... where'd you go to?" Tuffnut asked nonchalantly as Hiccup came back in, still frantically scrubbing his right hand before shoving it into his pocket to avoid further contact with anything else in the office, including Tuffnut himself.

 _"It doesn't m... ugh, man... it doesn't matter..."_ Hiccup sounded weak as a kitten and his skin had turned a notably paler shade while he tried not to throw up again. _"Look, can I go now?"_

"Well, what do you want us to do about this whole Heather-Cami thing? I mean, we can't just have 'em walking out on us, especially with that critic coming on Wednesday..."

 _"Tuff... I really don't care..."_ Hiccup groaned as he picked up the suitcase and headed towards the door. _"Do whatever you think is right... however misguided it may be... ugh... I just gotta get the Hel outta here..."_


	50. Sick

**Dragon Island Apartment Block - 9:25am**

Hiccup was still groaning as he got out of the elevator and walked down the hallway. The fresh air from the bike ride back had at least stopped him from feeling actively nauseous, but he still had a splitting headache and, despite having cycled home without a problem, most of his strength and energy felt utterly depleted.

"Ah... g'morning, lad..."

 _"Oh, uh... hey, Phlegma... morning t'you too, ha ha..."_ he wheezed out weakly as he passed her, finally reaching the door to his apartment and unlocking it.

Astrid was up, unsurprisingly, as Hiccup heard the sound of the shower in the en suite turning off, before her voice called out **_"hey, babe!"_**

"Oh. Hey!" he called back. "What time'd you get up?"

"About a half hour ago... I've had breakfast, but there's some for you in the fridge, still..."

"Aw, thanks, milady... ha ha..." he chortled as he stood at the kitchen counter and poured himself some coffee, giving Astrid some privacy as she got dressed.

He hoped that she wasn't expecting him to actually have the meal she made there and then, as he definitely had to wait a while to actually eat something since he still didn't feel so well.

 ** _"It was that Ruffnut place again today, right?"_**

"Yeah... ha ha..." Hiccup tapped his finger nervously on the table as he thought about what else to say. He knew that if he stayed silent, she would just keep asking, so he decided to be slightly less vague than his standard _RBC_ -related answers. "See, they uh... they just found out Heather and Cami are trying to work for Mom and, uh... well, they wanted to ask me what to do about it..."

 ** _"Huh... what'd you tell them...?"_**

"Eh... basically, the slightly blunter version of no comment, I guess... by the way, what time do you start filming HK today, Astrid...?"

 ** _"Eleven. Heading there in about five minutes..._** " Astrid called back. **_"I finish at eight, so... ugh... look, Hiccup, I'm probably gonna be in a bad mood when this is over, so... so maybe I should just stay at my own place tonight... for your sake..."_**

"Uh... well, sure. Yeah. Whatever..." Hiccup cleared his throat as he put his drink down, laughing as he said "I mean, it's not like you're under _lock and key_ here, Astrid..."

 ** _"Ah ha ha ha!"_** he could hear her laughing at his remark, and through the open bedroom door he saw her shadow on the wall as she put on her chef's jacket and buttoned it up. **_"Well, no, I didn't mean it like that, it's just... alright, look... according to Gustav, I have a habit of throwing and breaking stuff when I'm doing Helheim's. Normally, I don't think twice about it, cause it's in my own place, and... listen, I don't want you to see me when I'm mad, okay...?"_**

"Well... thanks for being considerate..." Hiccup chuckled as he finished his drink and put the cup in the sink for washing later.

Astrid froze suddenly when she came fully-dressed into the living room and saw him, going wide-eyed with a gasp as she said _"oh my gods..."_

"Uh... wha... what's wrong?" Hiccup asked worryingly, before glancing to see his reflection on the side mirror and realising that his face was still a notably paler shade than usual.

"Hiccup, you... you look like a _ghost_... what the Hel happened?!" Astrid took on a more concerned tone as she took Hiccup's hand and led him to the couch. "Come on, sit down... you didn't catch the flu, did you...?"

"Nah, come on, I'm fine now, I... I just..." Hiccup sighed with a chuckle as he sat down, while Astrid shuffled close next to him. "I uh... I just had a bad reaction to something in their office..."

"Oh, man... y'sure you're okay?" Astrid affectionately tussled a few strands of his hair as she said this.

"Yeah, of course, I... look, it's all out of my system now..." Hiccup said, before the negative side of his brain thought _along with our last week of meals..._

"Alright, well... I'll call you later, then... _love you_..." Astrid kissed his cheek before she put on her shoes, grabbed her coat and handbag and she left, shutting the door securely behind her.

 _Gee... had no idea she felt like such a hostage here..._ the negative side of Hiccup's brain thought, prompting the actual Hiccup to groan as the more positive side rebutted with _fuck you, you know that's not what she meant!_

 _Yeah, yeah..._ the negative thinking side responded. _Still... considering what she was like with Mom when they got in that fight, I'd hate to see Astrid when she's really pissed._

"Yeah. Dodged a bullet, there... ha ha..." Hiccup sighed as he closed his eyes and set about trying to recover his health through an hour-long snooze.


	51. Venting

**10:33am**

About an hour had passed since Astrid left. Hiccup woke up and reheated the food that she'd saved for him, holding the plate in his hand as he went into the bedroom to make the bed. He'd had to do this all the other times Astrid had stayed over, though he was sure that she couldn't possibly be the worst house guest when it came to what she left behind. Not that he had all that much experience, since Astrid was the only person who'd _ever_ stayed over at his apartment.

When he flipped the covers over, a small metallic flash briefly caught his eye as something fell off of the bed and landed on the floor. He reached over the bed to grab whatever it was. _"Wh... oh, man..."_

It was a small purse, mainly being made of blue leather with yellow highlights. It was definitely Astrid's, since he had seen it taking it out a few times whenever she was cleaning out her handbag. He wasn't sure what it was for, or what was in it, but it was probably going to tear Astrid apart if she didn't know where it was.

 _"Aw, shit..."_

* * *

 **Helheim's Kitchen - Kitchen Service**

 _ **"For the eighth time! Can I have one fucking scallops, and a fucking beautifully cooked capellini?!"**_ Astrid snapped as she arrived at the Red Team's appetiser station. The auburn-haired woman standing at the pan with the pasta in nodded nervously, saying "yes, Chef! I think it's right this time!"

Astrid sighed as she pinched a few strands of the still soft and squishy pasta and tasted it, a look of disgust visible on her face as she spat into the trash can next to the table, groaning _"ugh... no. No, it's not... no, Atali, th... that's not ready at all..."_

"Oh... sorry, Chef..." Atali stuttered as Astrid walked away, only for everyone to gasp as she tilted the pan sideways so that all the pasta went into the trash can. _**"OH MY GODS!"**_

"Uh... wh... Chef, what did I d..."

 _ **"What the Hel are you doing?!"**_ Astrid turned back to her, though at first her voice didn't sound angry. In fact, it sounded more dumbfounded than anything. _**"Why did you throw all that away, Atali? If it's not cooked, just put it back on the stove, put the lid on, thirty seconds, boom! Ready! Oh, but not you, right, you... you just trash it all straight away! Ugh!"**_

Atali stepped out of the way as Astrid grabbed a pair of metal tongs and reached into the trash. _"Wait a sec, wait a sec, wha... who... look at all this fucking... who's putting all this in the garbage? How ma... how many portions are you putting in here, Atali?"_

Within a few seconds, Astrid had filled an entire plate with the long, raw strands of cappelini that Atali had dumped throughout the service, with Atali taking a few more nervous steps backwards as Astrid's temper got even worse.

 _ **"HOW MUCH IS IN THE BIN!?"**_ Astrid's voice began to break as she got more and more furious and more and more wasted pasta filled the plate. _**"Look... LOOK! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?"**_

* * *

 **ATALI:** _So, yeah... naturally, I've been, um... I've been kicked off the show... she seemed awfully angry about it, but... but I don't mind, really... ha ha..._

* * *

 **8:30pm**

Astrid still had fists clenched and nostrils flaring as she went to her changing room to get her coat and bag, finally being able to leave and go back home. She decided to turn on her phone to see if anything had happened while she was filming, and while it was turning on she was reaching into the handbag to get the purse she kept her keys in. It would be best for everyone if she just went back to her apartment before she could resort to throwing and smashing things to vent her anger.

Several incidents throughout the day's filming had occurred that threatened to push her further and further to the edge of a full-blown breakdown, and she was certain that the moment with Atali and the cappelini should have ended with her being checked into a mental hospital.

But at least the day of nonsense was over now. Or at least Astrid thought it was, until she started looking frantically through her handbag and realised the purse wasn't there. **_"Oh, come on, come on, come... no! Fuck, fuck, FUCK!"_**

 _ **PING!**_ The phone finally announced a notification to get Astrid's attention. _**"Oh, what now?!"**_

 _Inbox: **1 unread message**... you have... **1**... new message from... **Hiccup**._

 _"Hiccup...?"_ she had an eyebrow raised as she saw this, with the small icon in the corner marking the time of receiving the message as 10:35am.

* * *

 _Hey, Astrid._  
 _I'm really sorry, but you left your second purse here, and there's a key in it._  
 _I don't know what it's for, but if you want I could drop it by at your place later or something.  
I hope it's not for anything important, but just text me back ASAP.  
Love, Hiccup._

* * *

 _ **"No, are you fucking kidding me?! UUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRAAAAAAGGGGHHHH! FUCK!"**_ Astrid slammed her fist hard on the table, so hard in fact that she was certain if she had hit it any harder it would have completely flipped over. This was the one state she never wanted Hiccup to see her in, but now he'd have to see it if she had to go to his apartment to get the key that she was too stupid to remember picking up that morning. **_"Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me!"_**

* * *

 **Dragon Island Apartment Block - 9:15pm**

 _ **KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK!**_ Hiccup jolted up slightly as a fist knocked quickly, frantically and impatiently on the other side of the door. _**"Hiccup! Come on!"**_

He quickly got off of the couch, leaving the purse on the table in the kitchen area as he went to the door and opened it. "Uh... hey, Astrid... um... are you o..."

 _ **"I'm fine. Where's the purse?"**_ she answered bluntly as she pushed back, still wearing her chef's jacket while having her coat hung over her arm. As she threw the coat impatiently on the floor, Hiccup closed the door quietly and slowly behind him as he grabbed the purse off of the kitchen counter and said "I have it here..."

She seemed to be holding her breath with all of her effort as she turned back to take the purse from him. She shoved it back into her bag, leaning one hand against the wall on her left while pressing her right fingers to her foreheads with her eyes shut. **"Hoo... okay... okay... o... k..."**

"Uh... Astrid..."

 _ **"AGH, FUCK IT!"** _Astrid suddenly burst like a balloon, tossing her purse like a rock as it hit one of the walls on the other side of the room. She was pulling at her own hair and biting her bottom lip to stop herself from shrieking out as she stormed towards the couch and started slamming her head angrily into it. _**"STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!"**_

She narrowly resisted the temptation to pick up the lamp next to the couch and throw it out the window before she turned back to look at Hiccup, her face dropping as she saw the utterly terrified expression on his frozen, nearly-catatonic state. She seemed to calm down, while the bubbling fury that was fighting it's way out began to be replaced with a regretful look of shame as she looked away. _"Ugh... Hiccup, I... I'm sorry, I... I didn't want you to see me like this... at my worst, or whatever..."_

"Astrid, it..." Hiccup managed to smile at her, slowly walking closer to her and putting a hand on her shoulder. "It's fine... look, I know you're easy to stress out... obviously, I can relate, but... but if this is your worst, then... then it's really not that bad... I've seen _much_ worse..."

Astrid grinned gratefully in response, putting her hand over the one Hiccup had on her shoulder. She looked longingly at Hiccup's face, and in his eyes, as the love she felt for him in her heart combined with the amount of furious energy still burning in her head gave her the most sudden idea. And she immediately decided to put this idea into action.

 _"Hiccup, on a scale of one to ten, how horny are you right now?"_

"Wait, what?" Hiccup barely had time to process what Astrid had said as she grabbed his collar and dragged him into a fierce, aggressive kiss, unbuttoning her chef's jacket with one hand while opening the bedroom door with the other and moving Hiccup and herself into it.

* * *

 **10:23pm**

They both lay exhausted on the bed, with Astrid wearing the quilt to barely cover herself while Hiccup stared wide-eyed at the ceiling. Astrid cleared her throat as she turned herself to face Hiccup, propping her elbow and leaning her face on her hand as she used her other hand to turn his head to face her in return.

She had a relaxed grin on her face as she looked at him, prompting Hiccup to raise an eyebrow as he said "so... you're not gonna break any of my stuff now, are you? The stuff in the living room, I mean, obviously..."

They both chuckled at this, before Astrid brought her face closer to give him a soft peck on the lips. She then shuffled the rest of her body closer to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and tucking her head under his chin. She was still short of words, mumbling a bit at first before she said "Hiccup, that... just... just thank you, for that, it... it was fucking _incredible_..."

"What? Better than Ben Folds?"

"Y'know what... _fuck it_... yeah... yeah, it was... ha ha..." Astrid glanced up at him as she said this, prompting Hiccup to nod in response.

"Well, I gotta say, I can't disagree..." he managed to say as he kissed the top of Astrid's head gently before leaning his head back again. They stayed silently like this for a few more minutes, with Hiccup nearly nodding off before Astrid suddenly said _"hey, Hiccup?"_

"Yes, _milady_?"

"Hm... so, while we were just, uh... y'know... I was thinking. Maybe, um... maybe we should... y'know...?"

"What?"

"Well, I dunno... _maybe we ought to move in together..._ "

"Wait, toget... together? What, y'mean like... like share an apartment...?"

"Well, yeah... I mean, I... I was thinking maybe we'd get one a little _bigger_ than this. Like, for both of us, y'know..."

"Yeah, I guess, I... I had a little thought about doing something like this, Astrid, but... but are you _really_ sure about that?"

Astrid pretended to sound offended as she looked up to face him with an eyebrow raised. "Hiccup Haddock... when have I ever _not_ been sure about something involving you? _Hm?_ "

Hiccup titled his head nervously, saying "well... I guess you have a point, ha ha..."

"Course I do..." Astrid confidently said before she kissed him deeper on the lips this time. When they separated, she kept her smug grin as she said "if I'm gonna keep my life and career going as it is, then I'm gonna need my supporting, loving boyfriend and... ahem... _stress relief_ , available when needed... _ah ha ha ha_..."


	52. Review

**Stoick's Place - 10:25pm**

"Is that you off, Elsa?" Valka said with a lighthearted chuckle as she came out of the now empty kitchen, the other employees having left about a half hour beforehand. Elsa nodded as she put on her coat, before saying _"yeah... oh, uh... Val, some lady's sitting over there, waiting for you..."_

Valka raised an eyebrow as she looked at the table in the middle of the dining area, where a figure in a black hoodie was sitting silently. "Who is it?"

 _"Dunno. She said that you know who she is, but... whatever..."_ Elsa said, scratching the back of her head nervously. _"Do you want me to stay, y'know, just in case...?"_

"Oh, no. No, you just head off, dear. I'll handle this..." Valka said. Elsa nodded with a smile as she left out the back exit, while Valka slowly walked over to the table where the hooded woman was sitting.

"Hey, Mrs Haddock..." she said as she pulled down her hood and let her braids hang loose. "Or can I call you Val?"

"Oh... Miss Thorston, what a... _what a surprise_..." Valka was _slightly_ more at ease as she sat opposite Ruffnut at the table. "So... what can I do for you..."

"Well, V. I'm more interested in what I can do _t_... uh... _for_ you."

"Um... well, I don't really need anything from you, Ruffnut... ha ha..."

"Right... right... okay, so I found out today that two of my employees had a job interview with you this morning... Heather and C..."

"Oh, aye. Heather and Cami..." Valka said with a chuckle. "Yes, both lovely girls."

"Right, whatever... apparently, they have a trial run with you tomorrow morning..."

"That's correct. 11am. It won't clash with their shift at your place, though. They made sure of it."

"Well, from one hardworking chef to another, I'm gonna have to advise you not to hire them."

Valka paused, saying _"wait... why not?"_

"They're incredibly hard to work with... they can make things very, very uncomfortable..." Ruffnut tried to sound sympathetic. "I mean, they can't help it, but they can both be very aggressive... then there's the occasional stealing... and then there's the sex..."

"I beg your pardon... _the sex_...?"

"Oh yeah. They really get around... and it's all on site too... at her last job, Heather apparently tried to screw the assistant manager then kicked him in the nuts when he said no... Cami always likes to dress up as slutty as possible, too... Hel, they even fucked each other on top of the ingredients that we use in our food..."

Valka raised an eyebrow and chortled under her breath. "To be honest, I can't help but think you're exaggerating, Miss Thorston... see, the girls told me _everything_ about you this morning..."

Ruffnut tensed suddenly, saying "uh... what...?"

"Aye, everything... hm, what was it they said... um... compulsive liar... deluded... can't take criticism... spiteful... doesn't even give them tips... ha ha... you're quite the spectrum of incompetence, aren't you, dear?"

 _"You cunty old hag!"_ Ruffnut hissed almost like a snake. _"You think you can talk to me like you're better than me, but you're not, and you can't! Look, I don't care if you agree to my terms or not, but if you don't, I'll ma..."_

"You'll do what? Hm? What do you have against me that you could possibly threaten me with... this is the first time we've even met, lass..." Valka said with a smirk as she crossed her arms and lay back in her chair. "Miss Thorston, if you've decided that blackmailing people is your chosen strategy for success, then I must advise you to get much, _much_ better at it..."

"You think it's _you_ I'm blackmailing...?" Ruffnut chuckled, prompting Valka to go slightly wide-eyed. "You do know your _son_ still works for me, right?"

Valka's hand, that was relaxed on the table, suddenly clenched tensely into a fist as she said through gritted teeth _"what are you implying?"_

"He's been advised by my lawyer to _keep_ working for me... and Hiccup's not being secretive about how difficult it is... and I could make it even _more_ difficult for him... and you _know_ I can." Ruffnut let a sinister little grin stretch across her face as she said this. "After what he's done to me before, I've been thinking about making his life even more of a living Hel... I even _pleasured myself_ to it once, ha ha... and you can bet your ass I'll _enjoy_ ruining his life for real..."

 _"How... h... you li... how fucking **DARE YOU THREATEN MY BOY LIKE THAT!** "_ Valka suddenly reached across the table and grabbed the collar of Ruffnut's hoodie to pull her up. _**"I can guarantee you this, Thorston! If you even think about doing anything to Hiccup, I'll..."**_

 ** _"You'll do what?"_** Ruffnut kept her smug grin with a raised eyebrow. _**"Beat me up? Kill me? I'm not as much of a dumbass as you and those two money sponges think I am! I can be crafty, careful, cunning... you wouldn't be able to prove anything I do to Hiccup, and you of all people know he's too much of a pussy to admit it himself! But a black eye on me, few crocodile tears, I could have you charged and this shithole shut down! That really what you want, Val? Huh?!"**_

"I... I um... no... no, it isn't... ugh..." Valka released Ruffnut and slowly returned to her seat and put her hand to her face. "Gods, wh... why are you such a _bitch_?"

"It's dragon-eat-dragon in this business, Mrs H..." Ruffnut said smugly as she extended a hand for Valka to shake. "Now... _do we have a deal?_ "

* * *

 **11:15pm**

 _Hello, Camicazi._

 _Unfortunately, it turns out that we have a surplus of cooks and_ _staff members trying to apply to work here.  
I have decided to trim the fat, for lack of a better phrase, and trial a select few._

 _Regretfully, I have decided to not employ you or Heather, since many of the recruits applying are not already committed.  
I may be able to indefinitely postpone your trial, but for now I'm afraid you'll have to make do at RBC.  
_

 _I'm terribly sorry for the inconvenience and I wish you both all the best.  
_ _Val.  
_

* * *

 **Thursday**

 _ **Berk's Grapevine - "Ruffnut's Baking Company" - Review By Not-So-Silent Sven**_

In retrospect, I should have known better than to step foot into **_Ruffnut's Baking Company (a.k.a. RBC Bistro)_**. Mainly for three very blatant reasons:

 ***** 6pm on a Wednesday night, a total of three tables were occupied  
 ***** A sign on the door indicated they were looking for more kitchen helpers, a dishwasher, more waitresses, you name it.  
 ***** _**Stoick's Place**_ , the eatery I gave last month's glowing review that I passed on my way here, was packed to the brim in comparison.

All bad signs, obviously. They went ignored, however, because I'd eaten one thing all day, and I had driven here to try their pizza.

Never, ever, _ever_ again.

The waitress, a pleasant young woman who was clearly anything but happy to be there, reluctantly brought me out a water and a menu to my table on the outside patio, which I had all to myself. Browsing the appetisers, I was pleasantly surprised to see several things priced at **$3** , which seemed like a bargain given the high price of everything else. **$3** tapanade sounded like a good deal, but I was informed that it didn't come with anything - it was **$3 extra** for bread.

As I was dining solo, I decided to skip it and instead pay **$14** for their 12 Inch margherita pizza.

About three minutes later, the waitress drops off my pizza. _"Your pizza"_ , she says, leaves a plate and off she goes.

I sat for a moment, confused as to how things happened so quickly. Trying to grab a slice of the pizza, I found that it was so blazing hot that one could easily assume a Monstrous Nightmare of myth itself had set it alight. I couldn't even attempt to handle it.

I waited for a few minutes to let it cool off, only to discover that not only had it cooled enough to handle, but was actually well-cooled and most likely reheated. After a closer inspection of the pie in front of me, it was evident that it had been reheated, as there were smaller tomatoes that had spent their time in the oven, and larger tomatoes that had barely been kissed by the heat of the oven.

I took a bite, and was immediately underwhelmed. The crust had very little character, was slightly sweet but had that store-bought quality to it. The pesto tasted okay, but the tomatoes were completely tasteless and overall, it just fell flat.

Being margherita, it should be important that the ingredients shine in order to make such a simple pizza stand out. These ingredients were sub-par. After two small pieces, I decided I was wasting my calories and just gave up on it.

So I sat outside, not eating, and sat. And sat. Where the Hel was the waitress? I glanced inside a few times, hoping to catch her eye, but she must have been occupied elsewhere.

The owner, being the slightly more primitive male of the fraternal twins running this show, came out, asking _"How'd you like your pizza?"_

Instead of immediately responding, I asked how it had come out so quickly. In short, he told me another table had ordered it, decided they didn't want it, and it sat in the kitchen for two minutes, who in turn decided to send it out to me since I didn't order anything else.

 _"Well, it didn't really taste fresh..."_ I remarked, to which he responded _"no, our pizzas are the best. Ask our customers. You're the first person since we've opened to ever **not** like our pizzas."_

He was getting very defensive about this pizza, though I hadn't really launched a harsh criticism on it and just said I didn't really enjoy it. So I sat some more, with an empty drink, and realized they wanted me gone.

The owner wouldn't make eye contact with me. The server never came back out asking if I wanted something else. And they still hadn't refilled my drink. So I sat on a patio, alone, and decided to have a smoke. Eventually, the reluctant waitress came out once again.

She told me _"sir, there's a no smoking sign over there, I was told to tell you to not to smoke here."_  
I jokingly remarked _"is this the final **fuck you** in this experience?"_, to which she finally let out a smirk and said _"yes, I think so."_

She walked away, and I walked inside, paid the bill and left. No apologies, no discounts on the bill, nothing. _**$18**_ for weak ice tea and a shitty pizza.

This is arrogance in its worst form. I can forgive bad food, but I cannot forgive misplaced arrogance and the blatant dismissal of a customer, whether you agree with them or not. I cannot, for the life of me, recommend this restaurant to anyone.

Perhaps the sign on the door should also say, _"Wanted: New owner"._

 **1/5 Stars**


	53. Copyright

**One Week Later...**

 _ **Berk's Grapevine - Not-So-Silent Sven - "RBC - WTFU (Where's The Fair Use?)"**_

Hello, everyone. Not-So-Silent Sven here.

So, I wish I could tell you that Ruffnut Thorston has stopped her rampant mission, but I'm afraid she hasn't. And regretfully, I must inform you that the other three videos I've done about the topic on my YouTube channel have been taken down as well.

For newcomers, what's basically going on is that Miss Thorston, who is one of the co-owners of Ruffnut's Baking Company, has been on a rampant, has been on what is essentially a rampant revenge mission to shut down my accounts and channels on the Tube and the Grapevine. This was seemingly provoked by a one-star review I did of their restaurant last week, though Miss Thorston claims that I have committed "copyright infringement" by using her name and brand.

Apparently, Miss Thorston needs a lesson in what Fair Use means. But if she has to be educated in how stuff like this works, then that's fine with me. To be honest, I'll probably milk this for everything I can, because stuff like this deserves attention in how not to respond to criticism, and how not to handle someone's use of your name and content. Not-So-Silent Sven won't be silenced by a couple of narcissistic manchildren, that's for sure...

I'll keep you updated whenever I can.

* * *

 **The Next Day...**

 ** _YouTube_** _ **/Berk's Grapevine - Ruffnut's Baking Company - "RBC Vs Fair Use"**_

 _"Hi. I'm Ruffnut Thorston, head chef and co-owner of Ruffnut's Baking Company."_

 _"Now, the reason I'm making this video today is, well, last week, I filed reports against several videos and reviews on Berk's Grapevine that were copyright infringing against my content. And uh... well, I've got a little heat for doing it. Now, there is just so many... so many lies, and... and just misinformation on the internet about **copyright infringement** , and **fair use**..."_

 _"It's simple. Copyright infringement is **stealing** from someone! Alright, it... it's just as if someone came in your house, and... and took all your stuff, then went out and started selling it. Especially **monetising** their content. Ooh, that throws it **way** out of fair use."_

 _"And I'm gonna show you a few very recent, very famous copyright infringement cases. And I'm sure you've heard of a few of them. Copyright infringement is **not** a game, it is against the law and you are stealing from somebody, and only **scumbags** steal from somebody!"_

 _"Now, I am not gonna mention any names, because simply, I am not gonna give anybody any publicity. But I'm gonna state this for a **fact** , so listen to me. You are being **lied** to. You are being treated like you're a little fucking **punk**! You're being deceived, and the thing is, on one of the videos he said, and I quote... **I am gonna milk it for everything I can**..."_

 _"And that's exactly what's happening. You are being **milked**. You are being treated like you're a big fat **yak** , is what you're doing."_

 _"Okay, now I've got several emails about this... now, usually my brother takes care of this cause I shouldn't have time for this shit, but I'm making this video to show you that what you're hearing is nothing more than **filthy lies**. And... and I wanna clarify the difference between copyright infringement, and fair use."_

 _"Anyway, so I've got all these emails, saying... **stop it now, Ruffnut! Ooh! Stop it!**... and several days ago... I emailed this **boy** , and I'm calling him just flat-out what he is. He is a lying, hating, punk **troll**. And that's not being a bully, cause that's just stating a **fact**. Anyone who lies to you and deceives you, in my eyes, is a **hater**. Plain and simple."_

 _"So I sent an email, a **nice** email, just... about three or four days ago, saying... **let's end this crap.** Just... just give me a little apology, take down those videos, I'm a happy camper, and I won't take any further legal action. And I have proof of this, because... because I CC'd this email to my accountant, and... and he said he wanted nothing to do with this, but I just wanted proof. So my accountant from Bucket And Mulch is **your** proof... that Ruffnut Thorston has done the right thing."_

 _"And **once again** , and let me be very, very clear on this: you are being **deceived** , and you are being **milked**! I know this blogger is playing on your emotions..."_

 _"So I'm taking the time to do this, because I'm not letting this boy kill RBC. For your sake, and mine. Because I am a **chef**. And I'm **damn good** at it, too. Praise the gods."_

 _"And I know what you're thinking... **ooh, poor, brave Ruffnut... this could kill your brand...** totally disagree! When this truth gets out to you, I **know** it won't hurt my brand. **Because good, will always whup lies, and evil!** And when you look at these **BS** reviews... y'know, like the one I took down... I gotta say, you all know better than that... don't listen to some hater, just come to RBC and try it for yourself... then you'll know he's nothing more than a narcissistic, lying little **shit**!"_

 _"Okay, so... it's time to look at the stuff on the web. About some recent cases... now, one thing about copyright infringement and fair use... don't believe what you read on the internet... okay? J... just **think!** You know for a fact that most of the bullshit you read on there was written by some thirteen or fourteen year old teenager anyway..."_

 _"Alright... when it comes to law, there's one thing you go by... it's called Case Law. Previous cases. Ignorance of the law is not an excuse... you can't just go up and be all like... **ooh, judge, I didn't know. I thought it was like this, I thought it was like...** no. Being ignorant of the law is not an excuse. You steal from somebody, you're doing wrong!"_

 _"See, I... well, I'm a very moralistic type of woman... in my eyes, there's **right** , and there's **wrong**. And there ain't much middle ground, especially in today's ground. Either you're doing right, or you're doing wrong. And ripping somebody off is wrong, and **that's** why I filed copyright infringement strikes against that blogger!"_

 _"I mean, th... he didn't even have the common courtesy to even contact me, to get my permission to use my name and trademark! And that is a very important word that we're gonna be using today... **permission**."_

 _"Whenever you're dealing with something that's copyrighted, that somebody has time and money invested in to make, you damn well better write to them and fucking **beg** them for permission to use it. And if they say no, you don't touch it for nothing! **Understand that!** Okay?"_

 _"Now, on this website right here, well, first and foremost... I found all of these right here with a simple Google search, by the way... it took about **thirty fucking seconds** , so it's not hard to find... alright, just go to Google, and type in... **copyright infringement cases... BAM!** You get this page right here..."_

 _"Anyway... these are 5 Famous Copyright Infringement Cases. So now we're gonna scroll down, and here's one right here..."_

 _ **Rogers Vs Koons**_

 _"Okay, so Rogers took this picture on this side... Koons ripped him off and made this statue right here, and he sold them. Once again... **MONETISING**... trying to make commercial profit off somebody else's work, is a **major** no-no."_

 _"You cannot monetise YouTube videos or Berk's Grapevine articles, or any of that crap. **Remember that!** That. Is. **Law!** And it will get you in **a lot** of trouble! **And...** you're a **scumbag** to do it."_

 _"So, Rogers made this picture for greeting cards and shit, and Koons made statues of it. Koons sold several of these structures, making a **significant** profit. Rogers sued him, and Koons, like this blogger, claimed they were fair use."_

 _"Here's the outcome: the court found the similarities between the picture and the statues too similar, and Koons had to pay thousands of dollars in damages to Rogers. A monetary settlement. He whooped his **ass!** "_

 _"So to reiterate, copyright infringement: It can get you in a lot of financial and legal trouble..."  
_

 _"Bottom line, even when it comes to water bottles, I mean... gods, I took the label off this one I'm drinking right now! Because I don't want any trouble... Hel, you can get busted just for doing this, right here!"_

 _"Copyright Infringement, is **not** a game! And if you live in your mommy's house, if you're younger and if you did this... you could get your parents to lose their fucking house! **That** is how serious this is."_

 _"So, yeah, I mean... seriously, people. Please... never steal or use somebody's content without permission. Okay, I'm gonna back to this once again: that boy, that blogger, is lying to you, he's deceiving you, and as his words... he's gonna milk it all he can, and you are the fat yaks he's milking."_

 _"Ruffnut Thorston reached out, days ago, to put a stop to this. Alright, and... and if he was just to delete his crap, and... and write a little apology, then... I wouldn't be mad one bit at him. Simply because, he got deceived. He made a mistake, and he got **smacked on the ass** for it! Simple. And he got treated like a little punk **bitch.** "_

 _"So just listen to what I'm saying here, and obviously... come over to RBC yourselves. Ha ha... you won't regret it one bit."_

 _"Alright, that concludes this video for today. I'll be doing a part two video tomorrow... **see you round, guys!** "_

* * *

 **Two Days Later...**

 _ **Berk's Grapevine - Not-So-Silent Sven - "RBC - My Nightmare Is Over"**_

Hello, everyone. Not-So-Silent Sven here.

So, I'm very happy and extremely grateful that the moderators of BG have denied Miss Thorston's copyright claims and my reviews and videos are now available to read and watch online again. I'm not sure if you all saw that awful video she put up, but she's deleted it now, and she never went through with that Part II video she was supposed to put up yesterday.

But if you haven't seen it, she basically went on a tirade about how I was "ripping her off" for reviewing, but then went on to flat-out admit that she took down my "BS review" because it said something bad about her restaurant. And she also showed her complete lack of understanding when it comes to the difference between fair use and copyright infringement (which she never did explicitly clarify, by the way).

With this being coupled with the numerous threatening emails she has sent me over the last week, the copyright divisions on both YouTube and the Grapevine have denied her case and my reviewing accounts are now officially back online.

Apparently, Miss Thorston has declined to comment. But at least it's over now. And everything is back to normal.

At least for me, it is.


	54. Pathetic

**One Week Later - Sunday - Heather's Flat - 10:33am**

Heather was sitting barefoot in lounge pants and a sweatshirt on the couch in the living room, humming casually to herself as she finished the building she was drawing on her sketchpad. She didn't have a shift for this weekend, so she could sit here drawing all day if she wanted to.

Cami had suggested she try designing a logo or a general building idea for what they wanted _Windshear's Palace_ to look like. This was at least the fifth picture she had started in the last half hour, but this was also the closest she'd come to finished. In that, it was only a few shadings away from being finished.

 _"Hm... first draft... ha ha..."_ she muttered proudly to herself as she blew out the excess pencil markings and wiped the sheet lightly with her hand, admiring the picture she had finished. _"Perfect."_

Her head pricked up suddenly as she heard a _**KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!**_ at the door. "Huh...?"

She left the sketchpad on the black wooden coffee table and walked towards the door, slowly opening it and going wide-eyed as a voice said _**"Heather!"**_

"Oh, uh... hey Ruff, this uh..." Heather scratched the back of her head nervously as she tried to think about what to say. "Um... this is a _surprise_..."

"Yeah, I know... ha ha... I was, uh... well, I was just in the neighbourhood and thought I'd oay a visit to my most _loyal_ employee..." Ruffnut tried to sound sweet and friendly, though it was clearly agonising to do so. Heather scoffed slightly, reluctantly stepping back and opening the door wider as she said "would, uh... would you like to come in...?"

 _"Well, if you insist..."_ Ruffnut quickly scampered past her and sat down on the couch, prompting Heather to roll her eyes as she closed the door and went over to sit with her. Ruffnut had her legs crossed with her hands resting on her kneecap, smiling widely as she said "so... how are you today?"

"I'm uh... _good_ , I'm fine. Yeah, so um..." Heather cleared her throat, knowing that having a casual conversation with Ruffnut was essentially the equivalent of treading on eggshells, especially after that fiasco with the _Grapevine_ case the week before. It took a few seconds, but she eventually added "so how are the new guys doing...?"

"Eh... not so great... thinking about maybe letting them go..." Ruffnut wasn't facing Heather as she said this, instead focusing on the TV guide that was sitting on the corner of the coffee table next to the sketchpad. "Ooh... what's this...?"

 _"Um, actually that's just nothi..."_

"Aw, this looks great..." Ruffnut picked up the sketchpad, flicking through the pages before stopping at the most recently drawn picture. "Hm... what's _Windshear's Palace_...?"

"Oh, um... it's uh, it's kind of embarrassing, ha ha..." Heather stuttered, before Ruffnut said "no, come on, I wanna hear what it is..."

Heather raised a brow, saying "uh... really?"

"Yeah, come on!"

"Alright, well um... ha ha..." Heather brushed her hair out her face, saying "well, Ruff, um... remember when Cami and I first started working for you, and I said we wanted to open our own restaurant..."

"Oh, right... yeah, yeah... _naive but sweet_..."

"Right, so um... well, this is kind of what I'd want it to look like..." Heather pointed proudly to the picture. "It's always been a dream of mine to run my own place... y'know, _work my way to the top_... kind of like what you and Tuff try to do with _RBC_ , right...?"

 _"Hm..."_ Ruffnut let her fake grin shrink slightly, nodding silently before quietly adding "so... _this_ is why you've been making everything so difficult for me, huh..."

Heather was about to say something but froze, turning her head to face Ruffnut as she said "I'm sorry, what...?"

 _ **THWACK!**_

Heather cried out as a nearly red-faced Ruffnut swatted her hard across the left side of her face with the sketchpad, holding the bottom end with both hands to increase the power of the blow. It sent Heather flying off the couch to the floor, narrowly missing the corner of the coffee table as she landed on her back. **"Ow, son of a bitch! Ruff, what th..."**

 _ **"Quit fucking with my head, you PARASITE!"**_ Ruffnut angrily threw the sketchpad at Heather. She put up her elbow to deflect it, yelping a bit as the sharp corner bounced off her forearm. _**"Why don't you cut the fucking bullshit, Heather!?"**_

"Ruff, wh... what the fuck is wrong with you!"

 _ **"You think I'm too stupid to know when I'm being insulted?! Huh?!"**_ she snapped again. _**"Y'know, I gotta say... fuck Hiccup's whiny advice! Those cameras were the best fucking things I've ever got, because now I can see you and that other backstabbing little whore for who and what you really are!"**_

"Wait, ca... wha... what cameras...?" Heather glanced up and around worryingly as she used her hands and legs to move herself backwards, unintentionally trapping herself down in the corner to prevent any escape from the fuming Ruffnut.

 _ **"Oh yeah, now you care about what you say and do behind my back, don't you, bitch!"**_

"Ruff, I... I s-swear, I... I don't know what you're ta..."

 _ **"Oh, fuck you, Heather!"**_ Ruffnut ended up grabbing the TV guide magazine from the table and threw it, prompting Heather to duck as it flew over her head and hit against the wall behind her, knocking over a hung painting that fell from the wall with an unnerving _**CLATTER!**_

 _ **"I know everything you two do over there! I know about your private little pants parties in the bathrooms, the kitchen, even the fucking dining room! I know how you and that frizzy haired leech tried to jump ship to Hiccup's mom and then spread shit talk about me!"**_

"Ruff, I... look, it's... it's okay, she didn't hire us... she was too b..."

 ** _"I know she didn't hire you! Because I told her not to hire you!"_**

"Bu... wait, yo... you did what?!"

 _"I went to Stoick's Place the night before you started there..."_ Ruffnut snarled with a grin on her face. _"I told her everything about you, and Cami..."_

"Wh... what did you tell her...?"

 _"I told her the pair of you were nothing more than a couple of dirty, backstabbing, bean flicking little **SLUTS!** "_

As Ruffnut said this, she kicked the side of the coffee table, not breaking it but causing it to fly upside down with it's legs pointing upwards. She was nearly cackling like a witch as she added _**"and let me tell you this... she was so disgusted by what I told her, she fucking thanked me for letting her know!"**_

Taking a cigarette lighter out of her pocket and turning it on, Ruffnut then took the sketchpad from off the floor, holding it up to see the _Windshear's Palace_ drawing one last time. "So yeah... pretty obvious you won't need this anymore, huh..."

 _ **"N... Ru... Ruff, please! No!"**_ Heather shrieked out as Ruffnut put the paper over the small flame, which grew in size as it set the pad alight. She slumped back almost lifelessly, her lip quivering as her eyes started welling up and leaking at the sight of the pad that Ruffnut was stamping onto the floor with her foot.

The flame was out, but it was still a burnt black, smouldering pile of ashes now. Heather was sure that if she were not so overwhelmed with shock that she would have attacked Ruffnut in a burning rage, but that anger was put aside by a deep feeling of terror that she could feel draining the colour from her tear-stained cheeks.

 _ **"Aw... is someone upset?"**_ Ruffnut snarked as she looked at Heather, who was falling apart a bit as she backed further into the corner. **_"Are you gonna cry about it?"_**

 _"Bu... but I..."_

 ** _"It doesn't feel good to be badmouthed and humiliated, does it, Heather?!"_**

Heather was trying her best to stop crying but it was no use, a sound barely leaving her mouth to make a little _"no..."_

 ** _"Aw, I really can't hear you when you mumble like a little bitch, Heather!"_** Ruffnut got closer to her as she spoke mockingly. ** _"Come on, don't be shy! Speak a little louder, please!"_**

Heather lifted her head up slightly, gulping before clearing her throat so that she managed to say "n... n-no."

She remained frozen on the spot as Ruffnut leaned closer to her so that their faces were merely centimetres apart. _**"Don't feel so big now, do you? Ha ha... y'know what... I bet you feel fucking pathetic... don't you?**_

Heather didn't answer, prompting Ruffnut to roll her eyes and grab her by the collar of her shirt, shaking it a bit as she said _**"come on, say it! I want you to say to my face...** you're pathetic... **say it!"**_

 _"I... I'm... I'm pa..."_

 ** _"LOUDER!"_**

 **"I'm pathetic!"** More tears were streaming down Heather's face as she said this as loud as she could, straining her throat a bit as her voice went higher pitched. Ruffnut was a little wide-eyed at first, but the smug, evil little grin returned to her face as she patted Heather's cheek and released her shirt collar. "There... bet you feel better now that you've admitted it, huh...?"

Heather didn't answer, staying huddled in the corner as Ruffnut stood up and straightened down the messy creases on her own clothes and hair. Within an instant the superficial, sweet tone had returned to her voice as she said "well... I'll see you tomorrow, Heather... I'm so glad we could work this out the mature way."

Ruffnut went to the door and closed it behind her, leaving Heather alone in the corner staring at the upturned coffee table and the small pile of ashes and burnt paper corners that remained of the sketchpad. Heather was still frozen like a statue as she stared at the mess, her breathing speeding up as she coughed and cried at the same time, staying huddled in the corner as she tucked her face into her knees.


	55. Relationship Goals

**8:30pm**

Cami and Heather were sitting in the living room eating the Chinese food Cami had bought for them on her way there. Heather had put the table and painting back into their usual places, thrown out the destroyed sketchpad and cleaned herself up before Cami came over, with the latter being none the wiser about Ruffnut's visit or outburst.

She chuckled a few times whenever Cami had a joke or remark to make about the day she'd had, but Heather was mostly sitting silently as Cami flicked through the channels on the TV. Eventually, Cami deviated from the conversation she was prolonging as she said _"ooh, BTW..."_

Heather raised a brow at this, saying " _BTW?_ Seriously..."

 _"Ugh, fine... by the way..."_ Cami rolled her eyes, before sounding excited again as she said _"you finish any WP pictures yet?"_

"Wait, _WP_ , what do... oh... oh, y'mean... _Windshear's um_... yeah..."

 _"Yes?"_ Cami was clearly excited at this, and no doubt would have demanded to see them if Heather hadn't quickly backtracked on her words. "Wait, no! I uh... I mean no... um, cause... cause I didn't finish any of them..."

 _"Oh... what'd you do all day, then...?"_

"Ugh..." Heather scoffed as she crossed her arms, trying to sound frustrated but really trying her hardest not to break down crying after what had happened that morning. "Cami, I... I um... I burned them..."

 _"Wait, burned what?"_

 **"The pictures, Cami!"** she suddenly snapped, causing Cami to nearly completely freeze in shock. **"For Thor's sake, I burned the fucking pictures because they were a stupid fucking idea and a huge waste of fucking time!"**

 _"Whoa-whoa-whoa-wait-a-sec... where's all this coming from?"_

 **"Ugh! Can't you just get it through your stupid, fucking bimbo dumbass head?! Windshear's Palace isn't going to happen, Cami! Because it was nothing more than a retarded, stupid, naive dream some dumb little bitch named Heather had when she watched too many Astrid Hofferson shows! It was never gonna fly!"**

Cami had moved backwards to the very end of the couch as Heather vented her rage, letting her sit there flaring her nostrils furiously. Cami's eyes widened, however, when she finally noticed something that she hadn't before. _"Heather... where'd you get that...?"_

 **"Ugh, get what?!"**

 _"The bruise on your face..."_ as Cami said this she moved away a few of the hair strands Heather had been trying to cover the beaming red mark on her left cheek with. Heather slapped Cami's hand away, trying not to cry again as she said "nowhere! Nowhere, I just... I... sh... but I... ugh, I don't wanna talk about it!"

 ** _"I do, Heather!"_** it was clear from Cami's tone of voice that she was being deadly serious and was not going to take "no" for an answer. Heather tried her best not to look Cami in the eye as she cleared her throat.

"This morning... Ruff came over here..."

 _"That **bitch!** She fucking hit you?!"_

"No! Um... I mean... well, technically I... sh... um... look, it was my fault, she... I walked right into her trap, Cami, she... ugh, it was those fucking cameras!"

 _"Cameras?"_

"Those new CTV cameras the twins put in... the ones that cost like $800 or something..."

 _"What about them?"_

"Ruff found out about our _Stoick's Place_ interview, she... she's the reason Valka cancelled."

 _"She was spying on us... gods... should have fucking known... **fuck it!** "_ Cami suddenly reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. "Cam... Cami, what are you doing?"

 _"What's it look like? I'm calling that psycho and telling her we both quit..."_

"No, you can't do that!"

 _"Pft... watch me..."_

 **"Cami, no!"** Heather grabbed Cami's wrist with one hand and tried to grab her phone with the other, while Cami used her free hand to push Heather's face back as she stretched her other hand out to keep the phone away from her. They both yelped as they fell off the couch and winded up on the floor, tussling with one another as they both tried to get a hold of the phone.

Heather eventually had Cami pinned face-down on the carpet and took the phone out of her hand, putting it on the coffee table while keeping Cami pinned down. Cami groaned as she managed to turn her head, spitting out a few of the carpet's hairs as she said _"ugh... would it kill you to wash your rug every once in a while?"_

"Cami, we can't quit..."

 _"Why not? After what that dickless fuck tried to do you at the Thug's, we should've left Ruff in the dust months ago! You know it!"_

 **"Because she'll come after us! You know who she is, Cami, don't be a fucking idiot!"** Heather snapped suddenly, clearly coming close to having a nervous breakdown as a few tears went down her cheeks. **"She'll put on her... h-h-her sweet v-victim persona she always fucking does and make us look like the bad guys... we've got nothing on her we can prove and she's got footage of us!"**

 _"It's just a couple stupid videos!"_

 **"They're sextapes!"** Cami's eyes widened when Heather said this, seemingly suggesting that she knew what Heather was trying to say now. **"She'll make us look like a couple of thieving sluts and no one'll ever wanna employ us again! She can, she will, and you know she will!"**

Heather calmed down slightly as she released Cami and they both slumped back against the foot of the couch, Heather wiping her messied hair out of her face as she said "and she's not gonna fire us because she's worried we'll tell everyone what we already told Valka..."

 _"So... ugh... so what you're saying is..."_

"Yep... we're stuck together..." Heather lay her head back against the couch. "So... I think it's probably best for all of us if... if we don't do _this_ anymore..."

 _"Don't do what...?"_

"Everything... no more _Windshear's Palace_ , y'know... cause it's never gonna happen now and... and to be honest, Cami, I... I think _it's_ over..."

 _"Wait-wait-wait, what do you mean over... wha... what's over...?"_

"Us..." Heather sighed as she tried and failed, again, to break down crying, but she remained firm as she added " _we're_ over..."

 _"Heather ar... are you seri... ugh, no... no you... Heather, you..."_ Cami was using the back of her hand to wipe her own tears away as they stained her eye shadow and left burning trails down her face, suddenly grabbing Heather by the collar and saying **_"you can't let Ruffnut do this to us! No, y... you fucking can't! It's wrong, she can't do this! Because I... I fucking love you, Heather!"_**

 _"I know..."_ Heather exhaled before grabbing Cami's chin and pulling her lips to her own, both of them putting all their passion and energy and hatred of Ruffnut into the kiss that lasted for a good minute and a half.

When they separated, Cami kept her forehead pressed to Heather's, both of them still being uncontrollably teary-eyed as Heather said "I know and... and I love you too but... but as long as we're together Ruff's just gonna use it against us... I know it isn't fair but I can't put _you_ through that, Cami, I just can't... and I can't _be_ put through it..."

 _"Yeah..."_ Cami sighed as she pulled away. _"I... I know, it... ugh... and I... hm... funny, cause... you were the one that kissed me... and now I'm paying the price for it..."_

"Ugh, Cami, don't be like... please, I didn't know she'd do this..."

 _"Pft..."_ Cami scoffed, rolling her eyes as she scrunched up her face and wiped away the last few tears from her eyes, a vicious, betrayed scowl on her mouth as she got back up and bluntly said _"I think I'm gonna go home... night..."_

"Ca... Cami, I... I ju..." Heather was getting short of breath as she reached for Cami's hand. "I just..."

 _ **"I don't care!"**_ Cami snapped suddenly as she jerked her hand away from Heather's, grabbing her coat and putting on her shoes as she went to the door. Heather used the side of the couch to pull herself up as she said **"Cami, I'm sorry!"**

 _"See you at work in the morning, Heather..."_ Cami snapped her final bitter remark as she slammed the door shut behind her. Heather suddenly felt a surge of rage within her as she grabbed the TV guide from the table and tossed it wildly at the now closed door, shouting **"ugh! Fine then! You wanna blame me for it, be my fucking guest!"**

* * *

 **The Apartment - Monday Morning - 11:39am**

A blindfolded Hiccup had both his hands reaching forwards as Astrid carefully led him up the stairs to the first floor of the building, eventually getting a hold of a doorknob and twisting it open. _"Astrid, please tell me this isn't someone else's door I just opened..."_

"Ha ha... no, it's _ours_..." Astrid pushed him softly from behind so he could walk in, giggling excitedly as she removed his blindfold and said _**"ta-da!"**_

Hiccup opened his eyes, taking a moment to adjust to the sunlight coming in from the opened window at the end of the room. It was far more spacious than his was, and from the looks of it this was only the living room, and there was a pile of boxes filled with the things they'd taken from both their previous places.

"Astrid, it's... it's _great_..."

"Eh... it's _passable_..." Astrid giggled excitedly, keeping a tight grip on his hand as she brushed her bangs out of her eyes. "But it'll look a lot better with a little _Hiccstrid_ flair thrown in..."

" _Hic_... wait, what...?"

"Y'know... _Hiccstrid_... _Hiccup_ and _Astrid_..." she suddenly grabbed him and pulled his lips towards hers. When they separated, she stroked his hair out of his eyes, adding "we're about to move in together, Hiccup... if that's not official, well... I don't know what is..."

"Hm... well, I guess you do have a point... and uh... yeah... _Hiccstrid_ doesn't sound that bad, actually..."

 _Golden leaves looked brown to me  
_ _The world had less colour, without you_

Hiccup groaned loudly as he struggled to shove the couch back against the wall, getting Astrid's attention as she turned away from the painting she was trying to put up. She put the picture on the floor and ran to the other end of the couch to help him move it, before sitting him down and pecking him on the forehead.

"You need help, babe, just ask for it... I'm right here..."

 _I know, plenty of people with eyes closed  
_ _They don't see you like I do_

 _"Yeah... sure..."_ he wheezed out in slight relief as he got back up. _"I'm fine..."_

 _Notes on the keys meant nothing to me  
_ _The world didn't sing, without you_

Later on, Hiccup was adding the last few coatings of paint to the unfinished walls in the _en suite_ bathroom. _"Okay, so... you're definitely sure this is the same blue they used for the first few- **AH! HEY!** "_

He turned to face Astrid, who was giggling mischievously and twirling the red paint covered roller in her hands. Noticing the large red stripe of paint on his backside, Hiccup grinned and said _"alright milady, let's see how you feel when I make you look like Smurfette's much hotter sister!"_

 _ **"Oh, Gods! No, NO! Ah ha ha ha ha!"**_ Astrid was laughing hysterically as she tried to get away, but Hiccup wrapped his arms around her from behind and lightly swiped his blue-coloured roller horizontally over her face while she pushed her red one vertically up his. By the time the bathroom was finished both covered in blue and red paint, but chortling gladly through every moment of it.

 _Darling, I do  
Darling, I do... see you..._

About an hour later, Astrid finished putting the patio table up outside on their balcony. She took a few steps back to make sure it looked alright from a distance, though she hadn't expected to lose her footing and fall back over the railing. _**"Wait, wh-AAAAAAAAHHHHH!"**_

 **"ASTRID!"** both she and Hiccup grunted as she landed in his arms, the weight and momentum causing him to fall back on the grass. About a minute later he sat up, holding her in a bridal carry as they both panted in shock and relief. _"You... y'okay...? Astrid...?"_

 _"Yeah..._ _I'm feeling much better with you here..._ _"_ Astrid smiled and wrapped her arms around the neck of her knight in not-so-shiny armour as he got to his feet and carried her back into the building and back up the stairs to their apartment.

 _I know, plenty of people with eyes closed  
They don't see you_

It was **8:35** at night when they finally finished completely unpacking, both of them laying back on the couch in the living room as they admired the home they'd made for themselves. They were both filthy, unkempt and covered in dirt, dust and paint, but with how the apartment looked because of their efforts, they both knew it was more than worth it.

 _Darling, I do_

"Well... great job as always, milady..." Hiccup kissed Astrid's head as she rested it on his shoulder. Astrid scoffed softly as she gently took his hand, adding _"hey... it was a team effort, y'know..."_

 _Darling, I do  
_ _Darling, I do... see you_

 _"So..."_ Astrid let out a chuckle as she sat up on the couch and pulled Hiccup's hand towards herself, both of them exchanging a flirtatious little grin as she added _"you wanna try out the new bed...?"_

* * *

 **Bedroom - 20:37pm**

They'd barely been in there a minute before the pair of them were lying back fully-clothed and exhausted on the bed, Hiccup out cold and snoring while one of his arms was looped over Astrid's shoulder. She chuckled as she looked at him, affectionately cupping his face and titling it towards her own.

 _"Hm... even when you snore you're the sweetest, most adorable person I know..."_ she whispered to him, though Hiccup was clearly too deep in his sleep to hear what she was saying.

Astrid suddenly felt the impulse to pull her phone out of her pocket and held it up above them, making sure the camera would get both of them in frame. With Hiccup asleep, Astrid was the one who was going to have to decide what her pose was going to be in the selfie, and she spent about two minutes putting her head in different places near Hiccup's upper body. Under his chin, resting on his shoulder, squeezing her right cheek against his left.

 _"Ugh... fuck..."_ she muttered under her breath not loud enough for him to hear, looking at the phone as she tilted it so it was now horizontal instead of vertical. Her eyes went wide as she felt Hiccup's arm moving and noticed his eyes twitching a bit under the eyelids.

 _"Shit..."_ she had to act quick and take this selfie before he woke up. Within an instant of having her idea, she closed her eyes and pressed her lips to his left cheek, making the kiss as loud as possible to drown out the _**SNAP!**_ of the picture being taken. _**"Mmmmmmmmmmm-WAH!"**_

Hiccup was still asleep, though he chuckled almost subconsciously after the kiss as his head tilted the other way and his snoring slowed a bit. Astrid smiled at this, before sitting up on the bed and looking at the photo she had just taken.

Opening the _VikingGram_ app on her phone, she clicked the **_Upload_** button and added the picture. She thought for a good few minutes about what to write for a caption before quickly typing it up.

* * *

😘💘 _Spent all day unpacking/working on new apartment with BF!_ 💕 _ **#Exhausted**. Worth it, though. **#RelationshipGoals.️️️**_ 💑

* * *

She spent a moment adding several relevant tags and topics to the picture, before looking through the post to make sure she hadn't made any grammar or spelling errors in it. _"Hm... alright..."_

Once she clicked _**Post**_ , she turned the phone off and put it on the side table before putting her left arm around Hiccup's waist as she rested her head on his chest and went back to sleep.


	56. Lots Of Love

**21:15pm**

 ** _PING! PING! PING!_ **Hiccup and Astrid were both jolted awake by the repeated sound of high-pitched text alerts.

 _"Ugh... babe, can you get that..."_ Astrid groaned while still having her eyes closed, causing it to dawn on Hiccup that it was _his_ phone going off over on the desk at the other end of the room.

Hiccup yawned a bit, kissing Astrid's forehead and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he got up. "Yeah, it... it's probably Alvin at the firm or something like that..."

 _"Hm... hurry back..."_

He left Astrid lying back with her eyes closed as he walked over to the desk to pick up the phone. He initially jolted a bit when he saw the onscreen notification, though he remained calm as he read it quietly.

 _Inbox... **5 unread messages...**_

 _"Huh... look at Mr Popular here..."_ he snarked under his breath to himself, going wide-eyed with dread when he saw what the messages themselves said.

* * *

 **Heather:** _Aw... you guys look so cute together! X_

 **Camicazi:** _Hiccstrid has sailed! All aboard! LOL XX!_

 **Fishlegs:** _Congrats, HH. Didn't think you had it in you!_

 **Snotlout:** _Does your GF have a twin sister, by any chance?_

 **Mom:** _Evening, lovebirds. Just saw that lovely picture you put up. Glad to see you're making it public at last. Lots of love, X_

* * *

Hiccup was staring at the last message in particular, being snapped out of his catatonia as Astrid yawned casually, saying _"hm... who's it from, sweetheart...?"_

"Uh... hey, Astrid...? Have you been on social media recently...?"

* * *

 **Living Room - 21:33pm**

 **"I can't believe you did this!"** Hiccup was pacing back and forth in frustration while Astrid sat on the couch with her arms crossed and a slightly annoyed look on her face. **"I ju... I just don't fucking believe it!"**

 _"Hiccup, it was just a picture..."_

 **"No it wasn't!"** He snapped suddenly, making her go a little wide-eyed in shock. **"Maybe to you it was, but to me it wasn't!"**

 _"Ugh... I don't get why you're overreacting like this."_

"Astrid, _you_ wanted to keep this a secret, and I only told three people I trusted about it, but now the entire fucking world is going to know who I am!"

 _"What? I wasn't keeping it a secret..."_

"Oh, fuck that... don't talk to me like I'm the village idiot, Astrid..."

 ** _"I wasn't keeping it a secret!"_**

"Oh _sure_ you weren't..." he snarked. "Yeah, so I guess, uh... guess dressing up in the wig and shades at the mall that time was just you rehearsing for a costume party..."

 ** _"We weren't ready for attention then, Hiccup! We are now!"_** She butted in. **_"Alright, I didn't want paparazzi taking photos of yo_** ** _u and ruining your life when you weren't even calling me by my first name yet! The relationship had to work first, and it has! We just moved in together, for Thor's sake, you should be happy about this!"_**

"I am happy, Astrid. Really, I am, I... words... words cannot describe how happy I am to have you in my life, I... I was in a really bad place and... and you pulled me out of it, and I'll always be grateful for that, it's just... I don't want to be seen... no, that's not right, I... I don't want _you_ to be seen with _me_... alright...?"

 _"What... Hiccup, are you say... ugh... are you implying that I'm supposed to be ashamed of you?"_

"No, it... um, may... uh... um... look, I don't know, Astrid, it's just..."

Astrid was nearly laughing as she said _"oh for Thor's sake, are you really that fucking insecure? Ha ha, I... I'm not embarrassed by you, Hiccup..."_

"That's not what I..."

She theatrically moved her hands around, trying to mimic his nasally voice as she said **_"oh look at me, I'm Hiccup. I'm Astrid Hofferson's secret shame who likes to dress up like Doctor Who... aren't I such an embarrassment!"_**

"Alright, look!" Hiccup managed to grab both her hands to stop her from fidgeting, letting her look at him with a sarcastic pout while he tried to sound as calm and collected as possible to make his point.

"Astrid... as much as we'd both like to believe it, and as much as _you'd_ like to pretend it, you're not just regular, everyday Astrid Hofferson... okay?! You are a celebrity and TV personality who has Thor knows how many shows and restaurants across the Archipelago... I don't belong in that world, and... and frankly, I _can't_ belong in that world. We're not... not compatible."

 _"Not compatible? Seriously?!"_ Astrid sounded more annoyed again as she said _"Hiccup, I know I'm a celebrity, but that doesn't mean I can't live a normal life. And it doesn't mean you can't either. Yeah, you might get a little more attention, but knowing you like I do you'd just pretend that nothing's different."_

"You know it's not that simple, Astrid..."

 _"Oh for Thor's sake..."_ Astrid rolled her eyes as she stood up from the couch and headed to the bedroom door, added _"Hiccup, I can't sympathise with someone who's too scared to take a risk like this!"_

Hiccup tried to follow her as he snapped back "I have every reason to be scared, Astrid! You don't even have the slightest clue what I've been through to get where I am now!"

 ** _"Maybe I would if you just told me!"_** Astrid turned to face him as she opened the bedroom door open and held it open as she stood in the doorway. ** _"We're supposed to be together, Hiccup, and we're supposed to be honest and supportive of each other! If you have something to say or there's something you need my help with, just fucking ask me! For fuck's sake, I want to help you!"_**

"I... Astrid, I just... ugh..." he stopped a few feet away from her, looking down to the floor and sighing as he put his hand to his face and crouched down as he began tugging at his own hair. Astrid stayed there silently, her angry look softening into a more concerned, sympathetic one before he finally managed to look back up at her.

"Astrid, I... I can't... alright, I'm sorry, but I can't..."

 ** _"Ugh... grow up, Hiccup! This is fucking pathetic!"_** Astrid stormed into the bedroom, Hiccup trying to follow her as he said "Astrid, please, I jus..."

 ** _BANG!_** the door slammed in his face just inches away from his nose. He knew it wasn't locked, but it was probably best if they both had time to calm down before he tried to speak to her again. _If_ she ever wanted to speak to him again.

* * *

 **Heather's Flat - 21:47pm**

 _Inbox: **1 unread message**... you have... **1**... new message from... **Cami**._

Heather went wide-eyed as she saw this notification. Cami hadn't spoken to her all day when they were working, and hadn't in fact spoken to _anyone_ that day, much to the initial chagrin but later relief of the twins.

So after what had happened the night before, Heather was surprised to get a text from Cami this late and was dreading whatever it was going to say. She wouldn't have been shocked if it were essentially a death threat, calling her a treacherous, dirty slut and every other unspeakable insult under the sun. Nevertheless, she closed both her eyes as she opened the message, barely prying one eye open to see what it said.

 _So... hey, Hev.  
_ _Don't really know if you wanna talk to me right now after last night.  
_ _If you don't, that's fine, I guess, but I just want to see how you're doing._

 _Look, I'm sorry about storming out. I was mad and I shouldn't have taken it out on you, but I did.  
It's not your fault that Ruff is a crazy, privacy-invading cunt._

 _But I meant it when I told you I loved you, Heather, and I still do. Ruff isn't gonna change that.  
If it means I have to let you go, then I'll do it, but I don't want to lose you completely._

 _Can we at least stay friends?  
Cami_

"Aw Cami..." Heather had one had over her heart as she read the message, wiping her eye with her sleeve to make sure she wasn't crying. Barely a minute had passed before she sent her reply.

 _Thanks, Cami.  
I really can't tell you how happy this has made me._

 _Guess I can get my head out of my gas oven and bandage up my wrists now, ha ha. Jokes, BTW._

 _But in all seriousness, I'm still really sorry about all this.  
And we'll stay friends, for sure._

 _But who knows? Maybe Hiccup can convince the twins to get rid of those cameras.  
Maybe then, we'll be able to eventually get away from RBC and pick up where we left off._

 _Maybe I'm being too hopeful.  
But as long as I have a friend in you, I'm a happy camper._

 _See you tomorrow  
(Lots Of Love), Heather._

 _P.S. did you see that photo Astrid Hofferson put up on VikingGram?!_

* * *

 **22:03pm**

 _Nice going, ladiesman. That's **two** women that have called us pathetic._

Hiccup sat groaning on the couch as the negative-thinking side of his brain spoke up for the first time in what seemed like ages. Though he wasn't surprised, since it tended to reemerge whenever he screwed up something that had been going really, really well. The other side spoke up with _what choice did we have? For all we know, Ruff's found out and she'll be calling any minute about it. We can't do that to Astrid! She doesn't need that and she doesn't deserve it!_

 _You've got a point. Maybe it'd be better if we just... I dunno, I know it's nasty but... maybe it's better if we... y'know..._

"End it..." Hiccup pinched the bridge of his nose as he lurched forwards. _Well, sure. I mean... we already told her we were incompatible with her, so it's easy enough to lead from there, right?_

He took a deep breath and exhaled, saying "well... guess you do have a point... try and let her down gently..."

 _Yeah..._ the more positive-thinking side thought. _Besides, if she kills us, that's basically two birds with one stone._

* * *

 **22:16pm**

Hiccup had been standing at the door with his hand on the doorknob for a good minute before he slowly twisted it. The creak the door made as he slowly pushed it half-open pierced him like a knife and made him grit his teeth as he looked at the figure on the bed inside.

Astrid was lying in a fetal and facing away from him, though he had noticed her head turn just a fraction as she heard him come in. He spent about ten seconds being silent before he said "uh... hey..."

 _"Hey."_ she said back. Her tone was gentle and sad without any of the bitterness he'd been expecting. Her voice was a little muffled, as if she'd been crying, but Hiccup was able to notice that the closet was half-opened and there was a small suitcase on the floor that had several of her shirts haphazardly thrown into and around it.

"Oh Gods... Astrid, come on, y... you don't have to go..."

 _"Ugh, I know... alright, I know, that was just me getting mad... it was a fucking impulse... I'm not..."_ Astrid exhaled, still facing away from Hiccup and looking directly at the closet door. Hiccup slowly came over and sat upright on the bed, saying "Astrid... Astrid, I just wanna tell you that..."

 _"No, just... just let me talk first..."_ Astrid finally turned to face him again, sitting up on the bed as she added _"Hiccup, I'm... I'm sorry... I should never have posted that fucking picture without asking you..._ _I was ju... I was being selfish, and stupid, and..."_

"No, you weren't... _I was_..." Hiccup said as Astrid stopped to listen, trying his best not to look away from her face as he spoke. "Look, I... I've been taking you for granted, and I _know_ I have, you've... you've done _so much_ for me, Astrid, you've tried your best to change for me and adapt to my life, and... and I haven't been trying even _close_ to hard enough to change for you."

 _"Hiccup, I wasn't ever asking you to change for me..."_ Astrid cupped his face with a weak smile on her own. _"That's the last thing I'd want, because I like you just the way you are..."_

He used his hands to gently remove hers from his face, saying "but you deserve better, Astrid. You deserve better _than_ me, and you deserve better _from_ me. And that's why I..."

Hiccup stopped himself as he felt Astrid put her hand over his, looking up at her and letting him see her eyes. These eyes were warm and inviting, but at the same time getting mistier as she tried to ready herself for being hurt by what he was about to say.

"That's why, uh... hm... ha ha..." he took a deep breath, letting a smile cross his face as he turned his hand around and held her hand more tightly, saying "that's why I'm gonna commit. For real... alright, I swear with Thor as my witness, I'm gonna try with every _fibre_ of my being to be the man you deserve, Astrid!"

She was clearly surprised at this sudden change, but she felt a small, happy tear stream down her face as she raised an eyebrow and said _"huh... will you now?"_

"Yes. I promise. Whatever it takes, you name it. Alright, I'll... I'll hold the camera when people wanna take selfies with you, I'll support you when you're stressed, I'll... Hel, if you want me to, I'll grow a fucking beard and you can pretend I'm John Krasinski!"

Neither had expected him to say this and they both laughed out loud at it, with Astrid having to put her hand over her mouth as she snorted through her chortling. She put on a nasally, high-pitched voice as she said _**"identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Ah ha ha ha ha!"**_

The laughter went on for a good thirty seconds from them both, though they managed to calm down and she tightened her grip on his hand as she said _"well... that's going a little too far, I think... cause I really want Emily Blunt to play me in a biopic so the last thing I'd want is her trying to kill me. Ha ha..."_

"Yeah, could see that... I mean, she's a little older than you, but she's got range..." Hiccup said with his usual dorky grin, though Astrid stroked his face again as she said _"besides, I don't want Jim from The Office, Hiccup. I just want you..."_

His grin turned into a warmer, more genuine smile, before she took a hold of his chin and added _"I won't rule out a beard, though... I mean, you're gorgeous as it is, but... gods, I feel like I'm gonna orgasm right now if I think about you with facial hair, ha ha..."_

"Hm, well maybe I'll give it a try eventually." Hiccup gave her a kiss on the lips as she threw her arms around him and they both lay back on the bed. When they finally separated from the kiss, Hiccup quickly got up and switched off the light in the living room, coming back to lay next to Astrid on the bed as she switched off the lamp on the bedside table.

 _"So... no regrets, right...?"_ she said gently as she reached for his hand, letting him bring it up to his face and kiss it as he said "not one, milady... not one..."

 _"Yeah... same..."_ Astrid sounded happy, but there was still a minor fractal of nervousness in her tone. _"But... Hiccup, I um... hypothetically if... if this doesn't work out... y'know you'll probably never hear the end of it... like, paparazzi and stuff like that."_

"Yeah, well... that's a risk _you're_ worth taking..." Hiccup stroked the side of her face gently to move her hair out of her eyes, both of them smiling widely and warmly as he added "I love you, Astrid Hofferson.. with all that I have... and I always will."

 _"Hm... that's all I needed to hear."_


	57. Losing Streak

**Nine Months Later - 10:23am**

Hiccup had left Astrid in bed since she didn't have any commitments today and just wanted to sleep in. He did, however, and was currently on his way to _Carpe_ _Dine'em_ to give the owners their weekly financial update.

Ever since his relationship with Astrid went public, nearly every restaurant in town, especially ones that Astrid had already seen on her shows, was trying to contact him to have him represent and advise them. It took some getting used to since his workload had increased massively, but this didn't bother him now, mainly because Astrid's help and affection had finally allowed him to enjoy his job rather than be held back by the stresses that came with it.

And it especially didn't bother the firm. This was big business for Bucket and Mulch Accounting, and as far as Hiccup knew, everyone at the firm was happy for his success. Not even Snotlout was jealous of him for his accomplishments with both the workplace and his love life, though he was visibly disappointed when Hiccup had to inform him that Astrid did _not_ have any siblings, especially not a twin sister.

And as long as Ruffnut didn't know about him and Astrid, Hiccup was happy as a clam. So he casually hummed along to the song that was playing in the one earpiece he was wearing as he cycled across town.

 _Used to always feel like_  
 _Wished that I was dressed better_

 _Never had a lot of luck_  
 _Until I finally met her_

 _Feeling like the weight that weighed a ton_  
 _Lifted off my shoulders now_  
 _My losing streak is done_

 **Stoick's Place - 12:35pm**

 _ **"Mom, hey!"**_ Hiccup threw his arms around Valka as soon as he came in, pleasantly surprising her as she said "ah... good to see you too, dear."

They sat down on one of the tables in the back corner of the dining area. Valka was still surprised by how happy Hiccup seemed to be this morning, even more so than he'd usually been in the ten months that had passed since the restaurant was on _Flightmares_.

"So... I see someone's chipper this morning, eh?"

He was about to say something in response, but went wide-eyed and froze as he heard the **_PING!_** from the phone in his pocket. He quickly clambered into his pocket to fish it out and see what it said. The worried look on his face softened into a grin again after about a second, prompting Valka to raise an eyebrow as she said "everything alright, love?"

 _"Hm... nothing, it's just Astrid's new picture..."_ Hiccup had a smile on his face as he turned the phone around for Valka to see. She put on her glasses to see the picture, which featured Astrid wearing Hiccup's old _Dragonbusters_ T-Shirt and sitting in front of the TV in their apartment. She glanced down to read the caption underneath.

* * *

 _Sitting here watching a **#DragonBusters** marathon. Don't worry, DB fans (like my BF), I'm not including that reboot from last year. I'm not familiar, but I'll **#RespectTheClassics**. Had to do this while Hiccup was out of the house so he wouldn't be pointing out every single f**king detail/easter egg/whatever, LOL._

* * *

Valka chuckled as she took her glasses off and Hiccup put the phone back in his pocket, smiling at him as she said "she's really something, isn't she...?"

 _"Hm, yeah..."_ Hiccup itched under his chin, thinking for a moment about what to say. _"Mom...?"_

"Yes, dear...?"

 _"Um... d'you think... uh... well... what'd Dad think of this...? Of me and Astrid, I mean?"_

"Hm..." Valka pretended to think as she put her finger to her chin, looking up at the ceiling as she added "well, let me think... smart, funny, takes no shit, stunningly beautiful, and most importantly, she makes you happy..."

She looked back at him, taking his hand and squeezing it gently as she said "aye, I can guarantee it, lad... your father would have loved her."

 _"Yeah... ha ha... **ooh!** "_ Hiccup suddenly turned a little more frantic as he took his hand away and chattered his teeth together. _"Almost forgot, uh... it's her birthday next month!"_

"Oh, aye... I know. Ha ha, I checked Wikipedia..." Valka brought herself forwards a bit with a smirk as she spoke in a sing-song voice. _**"So.. what-cha get-tin her?"**_

 _"That's actually why I wanted to talk to you, Mom... um... well, I uh... um... oh, right... I saw this really cute black cat at the rescue centre the other day... he's still getting fixed up, cause his old owners treated him pretty bad..."_

"Oh... oh, dear..."

 _"Yeah, they uh... they took out his teeth and stuff like that... but, the lady there said he'll be all set to go by the time her birthday comes around, so I thought, since we both like cats, I'd get him for her..."_

"Hm..." Valka put her hand over her chin with a grin on her, pretending to think again. This prompted Hiccup to pull the midpoint between a smirk and a scowl as he bluntly said _"ugh, okay. I take it you don't approve..."_

"Oh no, I do. I do, she'll love the cat, it's just... I just thought maybe you could also give her something more... _wearable_."

 _"Wearable?"_ Hiccup had a wide-eyed look of dread on his face. _"Oh gods, you don't mean a fur coat, do you...?"_

"Of course I don't mean a fur coat, ha ha." Valka scoffed. She seemed almost offended that Hiccup would come to that conclusion, though she kept a smirk on her face. "Thor's sake, Hiccup. You get a fur coat, you'll terrify that poor cat... no, I was talking more... _jewellery-based_..."

 _"Oh, right... right..."_ Hiccup stopped for a moment to think, saying _"well... she's got a few bracelets, so... maybe a necklace...?"_

"Necklace? Gods..." Valka scoffed as she reached into her shirt pocket, which seemed to suggest that she'd known how this conversation would go before Hiccup had even arrived. "I think you should probably save a bit of cash for when you need it, son... because what Astrid might really want from you is something more like _this_..."

Hiccup stared in confusion as Valka pulled the small box out of her pocket. The box had a scaled texture and was jet black, almost looking like it was made from the hide of a mythical Night Fury dragon. But it was the object contained in the box that got his attention, making him go wide-eyed and frozen with shock as Valka opened the box to show it to him.

 _"M... Mom, wha... what are you doing with that out?"_

" _This_... was the ring your father proposed to me with, Hiccup..." she looked at it fondly, closing the box and passing it to him. "And I'm giving it to you... to give to her..."

 _"What? N-no... Mom, I... I just... I can't acc... ugh... man... uh..."_ Hiccup opened the box for himself to see the ring, still being wide-eyed as if he were going to faint at the sight of it. _"Ho... how do... um... what if she doesn't like it? I mean, don't get me wrong, it's beautiful, but... but how do I know she won't turn me down... it'd be so humiliating, I... I don't even know what knee to get down on, for Thor's sake, I...?"_

Valka kept a warm smile, gently taking his hand again so he stopped babbling. He looked at her nervously as she said "Hiccup... do you love her?"

 _"What... yes, absolutely. Of course I do, more than anything in the world."_

"Then that's all you need to think about..." Valka said. "And it's all that matters."

 _"Yeah, but... but what if it's a disaster? Okay, wha... what if I screw this up? Oh, man, she'd be so embarrassed... Hel, I'd be fucking embarrassed, I..."_

"Aw, Hiccup... you don't know if it will be... you just have to take a leap of faith with it..." Valka put the box in Hiccup's hand and closed his fingers around it. "You're better to try and fail than to live the rest of your life regretting not trying at all..."

 _"Mom, I... hm... I'd love to do this, I really would, but..."_ Hiccup suddenly sighed, finally showing signs of the more worried persona Valka was used to seeing before they met Astrid. _"But I'm not ready for it... or at least, I... I'm not exactly in the right position for getting married right now..."_

Valka raised an eyebrow again, saying "what exactly d'you mean by _right position_...?"

 _"Well, uh... y'know, work stuff... I mean, she's got all her shows, she's filming Helheim's and Flightmares back-to-back, and on my end Ruff's business is falling to shit, and I can't take an eye of that place for a second, but I don't wanna neglect Astrid if we go through with this, so... I... I just can't focus on proposing or... or-or tying the knot or, whatever..."_

"So... I take what you're saying, dear, is that... if you didn't have _RBC_ to deal with, you'd _maybe_ go ahead with popping the question..."

 _"Look, **I don't know** is what I'm saying, Mom... alright, and if you're suggesting I just... j-just turn my back on those guys at RBC, well I can't do that either!"_

"Hiccup, you're not happy with those twins, and if it weren't for Astrid they'd have driven you into the..."

 _ **"It doesn't matter if I don't like them, Mom!"**_ he snapped suddenly, waiting about a split-second before the red faded from his face and he nervously returned to his seat. He sighed, but unlike the last time he had done this he didn't storm out, and at the very least no one eating or working around them was really paying attention to their conversation or what it was about.

 _"I... I'm sorry, Mom, I... ugh... but my point is... it's my job... it's what I agreed to, and it's what they expect... and those guys there need me. I just... ugh... alrigh, look, here's the thing there's... there's three pillars holding up RBC, Mom... there's the twins on one, there's Heather and Cami on one, and there's me on one... I can't just walk away or that whole place comes tumbling down... far as I'm concerned, if that place fails... it's on me..."_

"Ugh... but you shouldn't have to hold up your pillar alone, son..." Valka held the hand Hiccup had the box in, an encouraging smile on her face as she added "just think about it..."

Having known the second she got it out that Valka wasn't letting him leave without the ring, Hiccup sighed in defeat and said _"alright... alright, I'll take it with me..."_

They both stood up, Hiccup straightening his suit and kissing Valka on the cheek as he said _"I'll uh... I'll probably see you next week, Mom..."_

"Aye, I know, dear... don't you dare lose that ring." Valka had a faux-stern tone in her voice as she said this, prompting both of them to grin as Hiccup walked backwards towards the door and put on his helmet.

 _"Yeah... sure... sure thing..."_


	58. Words

**The Next Day, Friday - The Apartment - 9:37am**

 _Inbox: **1 unread message**... you have... **1...** new message from... **Valka (Hiccup's Mom).**_

 _"Huh...?"_ Astrid went a little wide-eyed as she opened the notification, sitting up in the bed and yawning as she rubbing the sleep out of her eyes to read it.

* * *

 _Hello, dear_  
 _So I hear Hiccup's going to be away til tonight and you've apparently not got anything to do til you film HK tomorrow._

 _Was just wondering if you'd like to go with me for a walk in the park. I'd like to talk to you about something. Quite urgently too, I think._  
 _If so, would 2:30 be alright? Thanks, Val. X._

* * *

 **Hooligan Memorial Park - 14:28pm**

 _"Val, hey!"_ Astrid threw her arms around her boyfriend's mother, and Valka chuckled a bit as she returned the embrace.

"Hm... you look nice today, dear..."

 _"Oh, it's nothing, really..."_ Astrid separated from her and wiped her hair out of her own face, shyly fondling her braid. _"Just... I got your text after Hiccup left saying you wanted me to meet you here, so... I dunno, just wanted to put a little more thought into it..."_

"Aw, you don't need to be that considerate, dear..." Valka laughed as she put a hand on Astrid's shoulder. "Gods... y'know if it's m'approval you want, Astrid, I'm fairly certain I gave you that the minute you and Hiccup told me y'were together, ha ha... so, _shall we?_ "

* * *

 **15:13pm**

They eventually circled back to where they began, the two having been talking and laughing with one another the entire time, and they sat down on the wooden bench in front of the lake, the same one in fact where Astrid had waited for Hiccup on their first date. Astrid chuckled lightly as Valka took off her orange cloche hat and put it on the bench between them, analysing the rest of her outfit like her light brown collar coat and saying _"hey, y'know what I just realised?"_

"What's that, dear?"

 _"Hiccup got his fashion sense from you, didn't he? Ah ha ha ha!"_

They both laughed, Valka wiping her eye as she said "aye... aye, I suppose so... y'know, when Hiccup told me about that Doctor Who thing, I just... Gods... but he's very dashing in it, isn't he?"

 _"Hm. Yeah. He was adorable..."_

"Aye... there's certainly worse ways to start a relationship, that's for sure, ha ha..."

After they both spent about a minute looking silently at the lake, Astrid cleared her throat and said _"so, uh... Val?"_

"Yes, lass?"

 _"What'd you really wanna talk about...? I mean, your text said y'had something to ask..."_

"Ah, of course..." Valka lurched forwards a bit as she continued looking at the lake. "Well, y'see, Astrid... I didn't want to mention this to you if Hiccup were around, so I thought I'd just chat with you alone... so, I know he's been taking on a lot of your clients from _Flightmares_ , but... have you given any thought to the other restaurants he represents...?"

 _"Uh..."_ Astrid raised an eyebrow, before adding _"well, I assume you're talking about one in particular, Val..."_

"Aye... that's right... um... it's the one, uh... _Ruffnut's Baking Company_..."

 _"Pft... Gods, yeah... yeah, well..."_ Astrid paused and went a little wider-eyed, before saying _"Hiccup doesn't really want me involved in that, but actually he's um... uh... it's actually been a while since he's had anything big to say about it. Always kind of assumed things straightened out over there again..."_

"Ah, well... afraid not, dear..." Valka let her grin shrink a bit, before she added "see... just the other day I did some talking to one of his friends from his firm... Snotlout."

 _"Oh... oh, yeah, that guy... ugh..."_ Astrid relaxed again as she said _"yeah, Hiccup's always got a story about that asshole, I'll tell you right now. I know his old man's a talk show host and all, but... ugh..."_

"Hm, yes but... um... but putting that aside, Astrid, he... he gave me an overview of Hiccup's files on that Ruffnut place and, from what he's told me, I can safely say that _Ruffnut's Baking Company's_ actually on it's very last legs..."

 _"Oh... oh gods... really? Hiccup's not mentioned that to me... I mean, I've never really asked him, but that's just cause I don't want him to get, like, mad at me for asking, or I'll cause a fight, or... or something."_

"Mad? Hm..." Valka took her hand and held it gently, saying "Hiccup's not the kind of man to get mad like that, Astrid, especially at you... because he... well, he's a lot like his father and takes after me as well... and one way he does that is that he's always trying to hide when he's upset..."

 _"Well, I guess he'll grow into being as stubborn as you one day too..."_

"Aye, well..." Valka let out a chuckle at Astrid's remark, but remained serious as she added "look, Astrid you... you know what he's like... he's a worrier. Every time something goes wrong, he acts like it's his fault and it went wrong because he didn't do enough or something... you know what I mean, don't you?"

 _"Uh-huh."_

"Thing is, he wasn't always like that... hm... when he was a babe, he was a joy to have around. He was always so wide-eyed and curious in his own wee... wee Hiccup way, y'know..." Valka stopped gushing as her face straightened again. "It's just, ugh... ever since that _fucking_ spelling bee he's been _different_."

 _"Wait, what spelling bee?"_

"Oh, um... right..." Valka pinched the bridge of her nose to think for a moment. She was clearly made uncomfortable by what she was thinking about, but she eventually exhaled heavily and said "alright, look... Astrid, here's the thing. Hiccup was probably the smartest one in any of his classes. Always a hard worker, loved his homework, believe it or not, but... but he was also the best at spelling, so naturally he was the one his class voted to represent them in that year's school spelling bee."

 _"Oh, gods, bet he loved that..."_ Astrid had a casual, snarky tone in her voice, but at the same time was trying not to tear up at the thought of Hiccup having to stand on stage with hundreds of people focused on him.

"Aye, they... they really shouldn't have done that to him... _**I mean he was eight years old, for Thor's sake, you can't just expect a poor, nice wee lad like that to just say yes to all that pressure!**_ Ugh... but, he did. Didn't have to, but he did... far as I'm concerned, _that_ was when he changed, Astrid."

 _"He became the Ultimate Worrier?"_ Astrid had a brow raised in slight amusement, though she wasn't trying to distract Valka from the story she was telling.

"Hm, aye... he was so worried about it, and so scared of letting everyone down. He never spoke to me or his father about it, but we both knew it was eating at him for a good month and a half. Ah, but... hm, but we were both so proud of him on the day... he did a wonderful job, and the class came in second behind one from the oldest year and it was nearly a perfect score, too..."

Astrid smiled at this, before Valka added "but... he was angry with himself, y'know, I... um... he got forty-six out of fifty correct, and he couldn't let that go so naturally he spent the next month constantly revising how to spell the four words he got wrong. Worst part is that three of those mistakes were just him forgetting the _I before E rule."_

 _"Yeah... yeah, that sounds like a very Hiccup thing to do..."_

"Aye, it is indeed, love... and that mindset's spread to everything he's done ever since..." Valka sighed. "Thing about Hiccup, is he's just... that spelling bee gave him these horrid little... insecurities, y'know... put these toxic little thoughts in his head, like... like he's never good enough or... or the whole world is on his shoulders and he can't fuck anything up otherwise he's let someone down. And... and when he does fuck up, well... that haunts him. Always."

She paused to think. After about five seconds, Astrid noticed a grin forming on Valka's face as she looked slowly back to her. "But that's when _you_ came along, dear..."

 _"Me?"_

"Y'know, that night you finished that _Carpe Dine'em_ place, and... and you both went to me to tell me y'were together... hm... it was probably the first time I'd seen my boy properly smile in nearly _fourteen_ _years_. And a real one, too. Y'know... not pretending to laugh at my jokes, not looking like he was trying so hard it was hurting his face just to grin, he just... he was just happy. Happy with you and happy because of you..."

 _"Hm... well, I'm happy with him too..."_ Astrid's cheeks went a slightly redder shade as she put her hand over her heart.

"Aye, I'm glad about that, Astrid, I... ha ha... y'know, as the owner of _Stoick's_ _Place_ , I... I could probably thank you with a handshake and a public interview, but..." Valka sniffled a bit to keep herself from crying, holding Astrid's hand and looking her in the face as she added "but as a mother... how you've brought him out of his shell and... and made him so happy, I... I could never thank you enough..."

 _"Yeah, but... **oh!** "_ Astrid was a little surprised when Valka suddenly hugged her, tighter than before. She eventually managed to pry herself free before adding _"but... what's this got to do with that Baking Company place?"_

"Astrid, it's... it's Ruffnut, the owner of that place. She's... ugh... look, I had the _pleasure_ of meeting her a few months back, and... and I knew just from that one conversation that she's the worst, most toxic influence Hiccup could possibly have in his life... and that's saying a lot, because he's got _me_ for a mother, ha ha..."

Astrid chortled a bit at this, before saying _"well... you're not that bad, Val... not anymore, anyway."_

"Aye, I mean... I know Hiccup worried a lot about me, but I never wanted him to hate himself for something that was my fault. I wasn't meant to be his burden, but... but he just made me his."

Valka managed to snap out of her brief self-loathing phase as she said "but this Ruffnut girl, Astrid, she... she's Hiccup's... she's everything Hiccup's ever been insecure about, she's... she's those four words all over again. See, Astrid, you... you're good for Hiccup because you're a crutch."

 _"Crutch?"_

"Aye, a crutch. He's yours and you're his. You can fall back on each other, and you both know you'll always be there for you each need someone to fall back on, and... y'make him know that he's not worthless. Alright, because of you, he's happy and and knows he deserves to be happy. But... ugh... but he just can't accept it yet. Because of her."

 _"Val, I think you're exaggerating."_

"Astrid, I'm not... long before he met you, Ruffnut's held back Hiccup from what you're giving him. I mean, can't say for certain if she means to, but frankly I'm sure she does."

Valka knew all too well that Ruffnut definitely meant to, but simply for the sake of not upsetting Astrid too much she pretended to be a little more oblivious than she was.

"She always makes him think he should be doing more, despite all the sleep he's lost over her, and all the shit she's put him through... like when she does something stupid and costs the business money, it's somehow _his_ fault for not insisting hard enough that she not do it, and... and she's fucking convinced him that he owes her... that she deserves his help and he has no right to deny it to her, even when it's clear that he can't help her and he's no need to waste his time with her anymore... she's a spiteful, selfish _bitch_..."

Astrid was nearly catatonic at this. With all the passion Valka was letting out here, it seemed she was finally able understand how Valka felt that night Astrid confronted her about her menu when _Stoick's Place_ was on _Flightmares_.

"He won't accept you as his crutch no matter how hard she keeps kicking his foot from under him... hm... and make no mistake, if this _RBC_ place goes down, Astrid, she'll never let Hiccup forget it... _ever..._ alright, you could move all the way to the other side of the world and he'd still never get away from it... and even if you did, I still don't think Hiccup could ever forget it on his own... that's why it needs you, Astrid... and it's why _he_ needs you..."

 _"But what do I..."_

"What do you think?!" Valka sounded a little more insistent, but remained lighthearted as she added "get them on _Flightmares_ , you've asked him plenty of times already, for Thor's sake... look, Astrid, as far as Hiccup is concerned, if you couldn't do something, nobody could... you could go to Ruffnut's Baking Company, try your best to salvage it..."

 _"Try my best... salvage?"_ Astrid was casual, but pretended to be insulted as she said _"alright, Val, no need to underestimate me that much... look, from what you and Hiccup have described this Ruffnut girl is just another spoilt bitch... I've dealt with her kind plenty of times before, trust me. If Hiccup lets me work on it, I'd turn it over quicker than you can say Maces and Talons."_

"Oh... oh, right..." Valka cleared her throat, changing her approach slightly as she said "well, I suppose I am sounding a wee bit drastic, ha ha... I mean, I've no doubt you could fix it, dear, but... just hypothetically... if it still goes down the drain even after you try to help it, Hiccup can at least know that what happened to it wasn't his fault, and he can stop blaming himself for it... then, well... then he can move on to the more important things in life. Like you."

Astrid smiled at this, before sighing with a smaller grin as she said _"Val, he... he's never gonna let me do it."_

"Aye, I know... hm... he thinks he has to do it alone..." Valka sighed, before chuckling as she added "but he doesn't realise the strength you have together."

She then reached across the bench, gently taking Astrid's hand again as she said "do _you_ still believe in him?"

 _"Of course..."_ Astrid said. _"I wish he did, but... he thinks he's nothing... he still thinks he doesn't deserve me."_

Valka smiled and stood up, putting her hat back on as she said "then help him realise the truth..."

* * *

 **Stoick's Place - 16:05pm**

 _"Val? Is that you back?"_ Elsa called when Valka came past the kitchen, scratching under Cloudjumper's chin as she went into her office.

"Aye, I'm fine, dear..." she said back as she pulled out the chair from behind her desk, sounding confident with herself as she said "so... I think I gave Astrid some inspiration to finally sort out _RBC_."

 _"RBC?"_ Elsa poked her head in the door, looking confused as she added _"what, like... the Baking Company place...? Ha ha... isn't that the one that crazy lady runs...?"_

"Aye... it is, love..." Valka sighed with a chuckle as she sat back down in the office, looking at the framed picture of her carrying a younger Hiccup while Stoick stood behind them. She smiled at the photo, before adding "I imagine it'll be her finale for this year's _Flightmares_..."

 _"Oh man... that'd be a huge waste of time, wouldn't it?"_ Elsa said, still chuckling. _"I mean, come on... not even Chef Hofferson could save that place."_

"It's not _RBC_ she has to save..."


	59. Beginning

**Saturday Night - 23:14pm**

"Astrid. I think we need to talk..." Hiccup reached into his pocket to pull out the small, black box, fumbling it clumsily in his hands as he cleared his throat and tried to stand up straight.

"So... how do I put this? Uh... Astrid, I... I love you. I mean, I do... I really do. More than anything in the world. And I'd do anything for you milady, ha ha... so..." he bent down a little as he said this, putting one hand on the handle of the chair while popping the box open with the one behind his back.

"I mean it, anything. I'd swim and I'd sail on savage seas with no fear of drowning for you. And, ha ha, and you know I would... look, Astrid, I... I know you're gonna think I'm crazy, or... well, crazier, ha ha, but uh... I mean, yeah, okay so we've not even been together a year yet, but... but I can... I can safely say that there's no other person in this archipelago or this world who I'd rather spend the rest of my life with..."

He took a deep breath, before getting himself onto one knee and pulling the box from behind his back, holding it up as he added "so, I just want to ask you, Astrid... um... well, would you wanna... hm... Astrid, will you marry me?"

 _Hm... let me think, uh... **NO!** Ah ha ha ha ha..._ the negative-thinking side of his brain added mockingly, prompting Hiccup to roll his eyes, standing up from the empty chair and groaning as he said "oh yeah, that's really fucking helpful right now, isn't it?"

 _Oh come on, that was being helpful, trust me... if you could listen to yourself, you'd even call yourself fucking pathetic... now put that fucking thing away before you break it, y'heard what Mom said..._

Hiccup sighed as he got out of his suit, putting on his pyjamas and sitting upright on the bed. He spent a good few minutes staring at the desk at the end of the room, eventually forcing himself to stand up and walk over to put away the ring.

As soon as Valka had given him the box with the ring inside, he'd been hiding it in a small, secret compartment at the back of the top drawer on the desk. Astrid had used this drawer about three times since he'd put it there, and every time Hiccup was sure that he'd embarrassed himself running into the room to stop her from finding it and coming to the wrong conclusion.

 _So... what exactly is the plan here?_ the more positive-thinking side of his brain thought as Hiccup closed the drawer. Hiccup had no idea, before the negative one piped up. _What the actual fuck was Mom thinking?! We can't honestly think that Astrid would want to say yes to marrying us!_

 _The same way we couldn't honestly think she wanted to go on a date?_ the positive-thinking side was more confident than usual. _Or how we couldn't possibly think she actually liked us? Or wanted to stay in a relationship with us?_

 _This is different!_ Hiccup could tell that the negative-thinking side was being more defensive than snarky this time as he returned to sitting on the bed. _We can't marry Astrid! Do we really want to tie her to our fucking wagon? With RBC and the twins?!_

"Ugh... no..." Hiccup groaned in submission. "But... but what if Mom's right... I mean... what if we _didn't_ have to deal with them anymore?"

 _If we didn't have to deal with Tuff and especially Ruff, sure! I'd be all for it. Wouldn't even care what Astrid's answer would be, it'd just be nice to get the chance to propose to her..._ the positive side thought, before the negative one objected.

 _Let's be real. It's never gonna happen. We're stuck with the twins and not even Astrid's gonna fix that. We've been given our hand in life. Too late to do anything but play it now._

"Yeah... yeah, you're probably right..." Hiccup sighed as he lay his head back on the pillow, thinking for a moment about what to say.

"But I do love her..." he eventually said in a voice that was almost like a sad, lonely whimper, before going wide-eyed with a gasp as the loud, high-pitched **_PING!_** of the laptop next to him snapped him back to reality.

 _Inbox: **1 unread message**... you have... **1**... new message from... **Ruffnut**._

"Oh, for Thor's sake..." Hiccup groaned as he sat down and clicked on the email, putting on his glasses to read the message.

 _Hiccup, it's Ruff._  
 _We had a horrible night of service. Again._  
 _Can we please have a meeting tomorrow to talk about our finances?_  
 _Thanks. Ruff._

 _"Great..."_ he quickly clicked _**Reply**_ and typed as fast as he could.

 _Okay._  
 _I'll be there at 8am. You might as well gather everyone there._

Hiccup clicked _**Send**_ before closing the tab and turning off his laptop. _Why did I have to be an accountant?_ he thought to himself. _Why, oh why, oh why..._

His eyes widened a bit as he heard the front door of the apartment open, grinning as he felt his burden suddenly disappear with the sound of his girlfriend's voice. _"Babe... I'm home..."_

 _"Yeah, I'm in here, Astrid..."_ he called back as he closed the laptop and put it back on the desk in the corner. Astrid threw open the bedroom door, wearing her red sleeveless vest and dirty black jeans as she walked in holding her chef's jacket. Her hair was unkempt, her eyes were bloodshot and her face was a burning shade of pink. Clearly, she'd had another stressful evening filming her show.

Astrid went into the en suite bathroom to clean up and change, as Hiccup said "so... tough night?"

"Well, _the usual_ , really..."

"That bad, huh?" Hiccup snarked as Astrid came back into the bedroom, having changed into her lounge pants with her face returned to it's normal colour. She smirked, sitting on the bed next to him as she said "what about you?"

"Eh... same old, same old... oh, but I did get an email from RBC about five minutes ago."

"RBC?... _oh_... oh! Ah ha ha ha!" Astrid chuckled a bit. "Oh, man... so, do tell... how's things goin' for them financially?"

"Uh, not good, from the sound of the email. I'm going there tomorrow at 8." Hiccup lay his head back on the pillow, sighing as he took off his glasses.

"Hiccup, I still don't get why you don't bring me over there." Astrid sighed. "Y'know? Get 'em on an episode of _Flightmares_. I'd turn that piece of shit over like it's nobody's business."

"Well, for one thing, literally everyone there except the bosses know that I even _know_ you. And also, well... I just don't know, Astrid. The twins aren't exactly stable."

"Oh, _come on_." Astrid punched his shoulder playfully. "You're being dramatic, babe. Remember when I turned around your mom's restaurant? Even I thought that was impossible, but I did it, didn't I?"

"Well, yeah..." Hiccup groaned. "I'll think about it. Besides, it might even come up tomorrow if they really are in the toilet..."

"Well, whatever you wanna do. I'm up for it... love you..." Astrid smiled as she kissed Hiccup goodnight and turned off the lamp so they could go to sleep.

 _"Pft... it's just a failing restaurant, come on..."_ Astrid scoffed under her breath so Hiccup couldn't hear. _"How bad could it be?..."_


	60. The End

**Present Day**

"And _that_... was how it all started..." Hiccup sighed in relief as he lay his head back on the pillow. Astrid chuckled as she lay back next to him, simply saying "hm... _no regrets_ though, right?"

"Well, yeah, I guess..." he chuckled a bit as he scratched the back of his head, adding "I'd argue it's safe to say that I didn't even think I'd still be alive at this point, let alone engaged to you with a baby on the way... almost like I should thank Ruff for trying to ruin my..."

 _"Hiccup, if you even try to finish that fucking sentence, I'm leaving you."_

"Ah... understood. Lips, _sealed_." Hiccup pinched his fingers over her mouth to visualise his point, taking Astrid's hand as he added "I'm just... I'm just real glad it's over... for all of us. Ha ha..."

"Yeah, me too..." Astrid grinned, before looking down for a moment to think to herself. About a minute later, she looked back to him, almost laughing giddily as she said "so... you wanna talk to _her_...?"

"Who, Ruff?" Hiccup had an eyebrow raised, scoffing as he said " _Gods_ , no... I'll tell you right now, Astrid, that if I even end up in the same _room_ as Ruffnut Thorston ever again, it'll be too soon."

 _"Hm, yeah... but, um... well I wasn't talking about her, Hiccup..."_ when Astrid said this she placed one of her hands over her own stomach, making Hiccup go wide-eyed as he saw this and realised what, or _who_ , she meant.

 **"Oh... Oh Gods! You... you meant our, uh... aw man, I didn't realise, uh... so, um... so talk to your, uh..."**

"Uh-huh..." Astrid stroked the side of his face gently, adding "I heard it could help her get used to your voice..."

"Huh... okay, so I just, uh... talk to your... _belly_ , or uh..."

"It's how it's normally done, yeah." Astrid lay back in the bed and lifted up her shirt a bit to expose her stomach. Hiccup sat up, itching the back of his head as he looked at her nervously.

"Go on..." she said encouragingly. "It'll be fine..."

 _"Uh... oh... okay, alright... alright..."_ Hiccup itched his neck for a moment before shuffling his way down the bed so his head was at level with Astrid's stomach, waiting another moment before bringing his face closer to it.

He couldn't bear the thought of going too close and crushing the child or hurting Astrid, though she was only about seven or eight weeks in so there wasn't much of a bump yet. He heard Astrid giggle as his beard tickled the sensitive skin on her stomach, prompting him to jerk his head back a little bit as he said "sorry! Uh... sorry, Astrid, I'm still... still getting used to the facial hair, y'know. Ha ha..."

"Hm... it's fine..." she kept smiling at him, with Hiccup letting out a little grin in return before turning to the stomach and speaking a little louder than a whisper.

 _"So uh... hey there, little uh... little person, I guess."_ He almost froze as he thought about what to say, before clearing his throat a little and continuing. _"This is... well, uh... this is your dad... um, I guess I uh... I just wanted to say hi and..."_

He chuckled to himself, before getting a little closer to his sleeping listener and saying _"and I wanted to let you know that I'm always gonna be there for you."_

"Hm..." he glanced back at Astrid for a split second as she gazed lovingly at him, noticing that she was clearly getting a little misty-eyed already. _"Your grandpa always believed in me, even if he never told me, but I just want you to remember I'll always believe in you... and I already know the day you're born is gonna be the happiest day of my entire life... and no matter what you grow up to be, whoever the person is you wanna become, I promise you, I'll be there right by your side, every step of the way."_

"Hm... what if she grows up to be like Ruffnut?" Astrid snarked, prompting Hiccup to shrug with a grin as he continued his message.

 _"It's not gonna be easy, or perfect, I know... some days'll be great and others will be, well, for lack of a better word... a shit-show."_ Astrid chuckled a bit as she heard Hiccup say this, stroking the back of his head as he smiled at her. He kept his eyes on Astrid as he continued speaking to her belly.

 _"But that's okay... you're not alone, and neither am I... because your mommy is the most beautiful, selfless, and wonderful woman I ever have known and I ever will know... and if it wasn't for her, neither you or me'd be here right now... funny, isn't it?"_

"Aw, babe..." Astrid gently said, but she remained quiet enough for Hiccup to gently put his hand on her stomach, finishing his message to the baby inside.

 _"So, I guess I just want you to know that I love you both more than anything in the entire world. And I always will. Sleep tight, sweetheart..."_ he kissed her belly softly as he sat back up again, wiping the side of his face as he slowly lay back on the bed next to his betrothed.

"Hm... well, I uh..." he turned to her with a smirk, before adding "I guess that went pretty well..."

 _"You'd better believe it."_ Astrid gave him a gentle kiss on the lips as she snuggled closely to him. After a minute or so of silence, she laughed again, sitting up on the bed and balling her fist as if she were holding a microphone.

"Astrid, what are you doing?" Hiccup had a brow raised as Astrid started mimicking a game show host as she said **_"so, Hiccup Haddock... if you could do one thing differently in the last few years... what would it be?"_**

"Uh... well... well, I dunno..." Hiccup groaned and laughed at the same time, scratching the back of his head as he thought about what to say. Eventually, he looked at the ring on Astrid's finger, holding her hand gently as he said "I guess, if it was _only_ one thing... I'd have proposed properly..."

 _"Properly...?"_ Astrid had to think for a moment about what he meant, before chuckling a bit as she remembered how he did it.

* * *

 **One Year Earlier...**

 _"Well..."_ Hiccup grinned sheepishly, reaching into his pocket and prompting Astrid to turn to him curiously as he pulled out a small, golden circle. _"I have this ring..."_

Astrid had a scowl on her face as she hit Hiccup's shoulder hard, prompting him to say _"OW!"_ as he nearly dropped the small ring.

 ** _"You weedy little fucking prick! I've just been through probably the most traumatising episode of any of my shows ever... and you think now is a good time to propose?!"_**

"Um... I guess..."

 _"Well..."_ Astrid said, her scowl suddenly turning into a grin as she grabbed Hiccup's shirt and pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss. When they separated, she took the ring out of his hand and placed it on her finger, saying _"you thought absolutely right..."_

* * *

 **Present Day**

" _Pft_... alright, well..." she smirked at him as she got up off of the bed and stood there. "Why don't you try it now? Propose again..."

"Now... what, like _right_ now?"

"Uh-huh... for the baby..."

He had his hand to his face and stuttered nervously as he said "look, I... I dunno, Astrid, okay... p-proposal's in my family don't involve just g... getting on one knee and popping open the box. I mean, my Dad sang my Mom a song, for Thor's sake, and I can't sing for shit. And... and I..."

 _"I know what you sound like, babe..."_ she giggled like an excited schoolgirl as she took his hand and pulled him to his feet. _"But I still wanna hear it... come on..."_

 _"I, uh... ugh..."_ Hiccup pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned out, while Astrid had her hands behind her back with a warm little grin on her face. Seeing this finally gave Hiccup a tiny bit more courage, as he exhaled heavily.

Clearing his throat, he straightened the creases on his shirt so he looked as presentable as possible. He knew his singing voice wasn't all that great, being only slightly less nasally than his usual one, so he decided to take a gentler, quieter approach with the song.

 _"I'll swim and sail on savage seas... with ne'er a fear of drowning..."_

Astrid let out a soft little chuckle as Hiccup edged a little closer towards her. _"And gladly ride the waves of life..."_

He then gently took her hand, whispering in an even softer tone. _"...if you would marry me..."_

Astrid's grin grew into a smile while she put her free hand over her heart. _"No scorching sun... nor freezing cold... will stop me on my journey..."_

 _"If you will promise me y-your... her... heart..."_ she could hear Hiccup's voice break a little when it got to this point. Clearly his nerves were getting the better of him now.

" _And love... and l... lo... uh..._ ugh, man, this was stupid..." he turned away from her and put his palm over his face in embarrassment. "Fuck... fuck, fuck, fuck..."

He heard Astrid sigh in slight disappointment, which made him feel even more angry with himself about this, and caused the negative-thinking side of his brain to speak up for the first time in months. _Nice move, dickhead..._

Hiccup tensed up a bit as he felt Astrid's hand on his shoulder, before her other hand turned his face to look at her as she stood next to him. Surprisingly, she kept smiling brightly and warmly at him, gently yet encouragingly singing the next part of the song in a voice that was nothing short of angelic to him. _"And love me for eternity..."_

"Astrid, y... you knew about this song?"

"Your mom taught me the lyrics... hm..." Astrid chuckled as she took his hand and brought him over to where she had been standing beforehand. _"My dearest one, my darling dear, your mighty words astound me..."_

Hiccup was almost beaming red with love and joy as she brought herself closer to him and sang _"but I've no need for mighty deeds when I feel your arms around me..."_

He suddenly sang in a louder, more upbeat tone as he grabbed both of Astrid's wrists to swivel her around to face him, but had tried not to startle her too badly due to her burden. **_"But I would bring you rings of gold, I'd even sing you poetry. And I would keep you from all harm, if you would stay beside me."_**

Astrid was chortling loudly as she grabbed his wrists in return, pulling him close to her again as she sang _"I have no use for rings of gold, I care not for your poetry, I'd only want your hand to hold..."_

 ** _"I'd only want you near me..."_** they sang together from this point, laughing and whooping as he lifted her up by her waist and spun her around.

 ** _To love and kiss to sweetly hold  
_** ** _For the dancing and the dreaming_**

 ** _Through all life's sorrows a_ _nd delights  
_** ** _I'll keep your love inside me_**

 ** _I'll swim and sail on savage seas  
_** ** _With ne'er a fear of drowning_**

 ** _And gladly ride the waves of life  
_** ** _If you will marry me!_**

Hiccup carefully put Astrid back down on the bed, the pair of them still out of breath and laughing as he sat down with her. Hiccup wiped his face with the back of his arm due to the few happy tears he was letting out, while Astrid chuckled as she put her hand to the side of his face, wiping the last tear with her thumb as she gazed lovingly at him.

 _"Aw... looks like someone else is sleepy, too..."_ Astrid suddenly said as she looked to the floor, picking up Toothless and putting him on the bed between them. The cat mewed gently as he slowly climbed onto Hiccup's lap and settled there, letting Hiccup stroke his fur gently as he began to fall asleep.

"I hope you know I'll never _ever_ regret meeting you, right bud?" Hiccup snarked with a chuckle, prompting the cat to snuggle in even closer to his boy. He looked back at Astrid, who reached for his hand and took it gently.

"So... no regrets, babe...?" she said as she brought his hand over, letting him put it onto her belly as he reached his other to the back of her head, putting their foreheads gently together as they both closed their eyes.

 _"Not one, milady... not one..."_

* * *

 **THE END**


End file.
